Dad advice / Mt. Lemmon

William Jenks · January 19, 2016 11:02PM

I need some dad advice.

OJ's (youth, draft-legal) triathlon team is going on a spring break training camp for several days that that culminates in a climb of Mt. Lemmon. She's 15 (race age 16) and the kids that will be there will all be pretty strong 16-19 year olds, mostly from her team, but some from other teams nationally. It's a few days after a CAMTRI race she's doing.

The head coach asked me to come along and help. Physically, I can keep up cycling with the girls, and OJ is one of the stronger girls, so I could bring up the rear no problem and leave her alone to ride and run with the strongest girls. There are a couple of actually good male cyclists going to support the guys so that won't be anything I have to worry about.

I'd like to go, because climbing Lemmon would be really cool...and because as you might imagine, I've gotten more covetous of getting "experiences" with my kids. She seems very cool with the idea, but I also don't want to be helicopter dad. She would stay with the team, not with me.

I don't want to turn this down, but I want to let her grow up too. Advice from my tri friends?

Al Truscott · January 19, 2016 11:24PM

From the far side ... 2 daughters now 31 & 25. The attitude I would take into this is, you're there to assist the coach, look to him (her?) to set your agenda. You're not on a family vacation. Also, I would let Olivia determine when and how she interacts with you. As you note, you're not there to ride together - she's there to train and be a part of the junior team experience. Back home, you can reminisce and discover the shared experience from each of your perspectives.

At that age, our youngest daughter was part of a national ranked flat water kayak team, got to go to training camps in places like San Diego, OK City, and Lake Placid, as well as nat'l and international champs. I always watched her from afar, didnt try to be one of her teammates. I found getting to know the other kids was a special part of it.

I bet she's a lot less anxious about you being there, than you are.

Mark Maurer · January 20, 2016 12:04AM

My kids were competitive swimmers and I was a nationally certified stroke and turn judge and regional starter so I was always there on deck but never in their hair so it worked out well for all of us. Go, be the sweeper or whatever else the coaches ask you to do and enjoy it. The other kids will think that your daughter has the coolest dad even if she doesn't. And years from now she will to if she doesn't now.

rlh2000 · January 20, 2016 7:38AM

My teenage years aren't THAT far behind me. I definitely would've told my parents if I did NOT want them there, so I think if she is cool with it, it is fine.

tim cronk · January 20, 2016 8:12AM

@William, Sorry no advice from a Dad's perspective. Please contact me on dates and times. I'd be more than willing to volunteer my time to help out , driving support , riding with you, or whatever. Most importantly I'd just like to meet the Jenks :-)

Robert Sabo · January 20, 2016 8:56AM

I would also think that your respect and awe of the opportunity to ride a historic climb would make it more awesome for her. You are still a triathlete right? You set the example in the first place and she is following your lead. Enjoy.

Gordon Cherwoniak · January 20, 2016 10:26AM

William,

I have no kids but from my experience as a kid my parents when attending as chaperone or to help out were excellent at coming along but letting me do my thing with my friends. You have the right idea to be there and help out while getting the ability to hang out and have that experience. Unless she's totally against it I think you are fine going along to help the team.

bob hiller · January 20, 2016 1:31PM

William, I agree with all the positive comments from our EN teammates. I had the good fortune of seeing you and OJ at her Jr. Tri National Championships in 2014 and it looked like she enjoyed her parents being there and being involved. I was an assistant swim coach on my youngest son's team when he was a teenager. I was there as a coach and he decided when he wanted to interact with me as his dad. Have fun and be safe.

William Jenks · January 20, 2016 1:46PM

Thanks for your perspectives, gang. Sounds like some of you have already been there and done that. :-) I have been a local level soccer and swim official, but not at national type stuff.

I'll be in touch with the coach and let her know.

Tim - I am shy on details yet, but we are looking at March 16 - 20. I'm afraid the events of the last couple years have distracted me enough that I no longer have any hope of keeping up with you...if I ever did!.. but it would sure be fun to meet.

Paul Hough · January 20, 2016 4:10PM

Go! My daughter (now 17) is the youngest of 4 (oldest 35), and I never hesitate to spend time with her. She was a month shy of 16 when I took her with me to Powerman Zofingen in Switzerland (mom could not make the trip). I give her space when she needs it, and can sense that she wants it, elsewise, we do stuff together all the time.

Kerrie Freeborn · January 21, 2016 9:04AM

As someone looking back from OJ's position a couple decades later, some of my best memories are from when my parents did things like this.

You have the Ironman/cycling cred. If you talked to her about it and didn't hear something along the lines of get your own life, Dad - it means she wants you to go. Especially with the setup you describe, it sounds perfect for the joint experience without helicoptering. You may only see her for 5 minutes, but in 20 years, both of you will remember and treasure the 5 minutes. Go and enjoy!

Shaughn Simmons · January 21, 2016 11:44AM

As a father of 4, my opinion is that you can accomplish both goals here.

First of all, the opportunities to spend time with kids get fewer and far between as they get older. Once you miss a day or an opportunity you lose it forever, you can never go back and get it. I say you have to take advantage of this great time to make some memories even if it means standing in the shadows at the appropriate times to allow her to "grow up".

Enjoy................

William Jenks · January 23, 2016 5:03PM

Thanks for the encouragement, all. I committed to go this morning. Should be fun.

tim cronk · January 23, 2016 7:16PM

You better contact me :-)

William Jenks · January 25, 2016 1:24PM

Tim - my email is wsjinames@gmail.com, phone 515-451-4711. Let's be in touch.

Dad advice / Mt. Lemmon

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