Why AmZoff Was a Terrible Idea... and You Should Do it Next Year
For a split second I *almost* put this post in the Clubhouse. It's not technically a Race Report, but then again, I WAS there, I DID (sort of) race, and I have the pics to prove it.
I just didn't finish.
Ooooo.... It hurts to say that out loud. A DNF is never fun, but at least the last time it happened to me I was carried off the course in the back of an ambulance (because that's better... ). After my poor performance at Devilman, I was anxious to get out there and redeem my MOP status. As it turns out, that wasn't in the cards. I experienced my very first ever trail run - as in, ever in my life... yes, I know... I don't know WHY I thought it would be a good idea to run serious trails for the first time ever in my life during a race, but thankfully I had Cary Blanco to keep me company, and he even told me I, "have good instincts." I'm now considering ditching this triathlon stuff for full time trail running....
Anyway, after my very first ever trail run, in an epic move of spectacular stupidity, I took off my jacket in transition and LEFT it there.
Yes, I know. 50 degrees and raining like there's no tomorrow, and I go out with arm warmers. I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed.
I got on my bike and was expecting the worst. JW had prepared me for it. The conditions were already close to the worst I've ever experienced on the bike (and I actually WILL ride in the rain... I don't like it, and I'll complain non-stop about it, but I'll do it), then combine that with a bike course full of technical descents and long climbs, and it was shaping up to be a stellar day. And this was after I dropped my chain 3' into the bike and realized my front deraileur was adjusted wrong, and I wouldn't have my big chain ring even if I wanted it... Looking on the bright side, I figured if I was going to be out a gear, that was the one I'd rather not have! Two hours later, around mile 18 - yes, it took me TWO hours to go 18 miles... combination of course and weather, but mostly weather - I got a flat.
I managed to extract myself from my bike - not an easy feat when you're borderline hypothermic and your fingers have frozen into perma-claws in cold, wet gloves - I stood on the side of the road, looked up, and mouthed the words, "Thank You!"
Yes, opportunity knocked, and I left the door wide open. In the one unbelievable stroke of luck I had all day, I was only a mile from the closest aid station. Knowing that it would take me at least 20 minutes to change a flat in the condition I was in, I crossed the street, turned around, and headed for the tiny tent and three girls up the road. One was the race director's daughter, who also happens to be an EMT and was seriously concerned that I needed medical attention. When I finally managed to convince her that purple lips and nailbeds are par for the course when I'm cold, she agreed to drop me off back at the pavilion. We packed my bike into the back of her little Prius, and in the 25 minutes it took to get back to the pavilion she told me how many others had gotten a flat or been pulled off the course with hypothermia that day. Later on, I would find out that JW also got a flat and it took him over fourteen minutes to change it. As much as I hate the fact that I quit, I think I made the right decision.
I'll hit a few bullet points and get to the stuff everybody likes (that would be the pictures!).
- I was sick the week before the race and questioning whether or not it was even a good idea to race (ahem... participate). And by "questioning," I mean I was looking for somebody - anybody - to tell me that it would be perfectly o.k. to spend the day curled up in bed with a bag of Cheetos.
- AmZoff is the in the middle of nowhere. NO. WHERE. Now, I am FROM the middle of nowhere, but when picking up our race packets meant driving through a trailer park and walking into a barn next to the guys in flannel shirts working on their pick up truck, I distinctly remember hearing Dueling Banjos somewhere off in the distance...
- This will likely be the only race I will ever do where the Race Director shows up in a kilt and plays the bagpipes. Star Spangled Banner - bagpipes. Runners serenaded as they pass through the pavilion - bagpipes. I love that sound. Just don't stand too close when he fires that sucker up (or whatever you do with bagpipes...
. It is LOUD (but it beats cowbells!). - This will also likely be the only race where I am told to, "Go line up over there by the rock to start."
- As JT Thompson so eloquently put it, "This is the only sport where the 'short course' takes 4.5 hours to complete!" Short Course = 5 mile trail run, 29 mile bike, 5 mile trail run. Chris G. Memorial/Mid-Distance = 5 mile run, 29 mile bike, 5 mile run, 29 bike, 5 run. Long Course = Ridiculous. Don't even ask.
- The pavilion aid station consists of water, HEED, beer, and whiskey. If you actually stop to do a shot of whiskey as you head out for your final run (as our friend Robbie did), you will likely be given National Hero status. Remaining upright on that particular day was impressive... add alcohol to the equation, finish the race, and you are nothing short of super-human.
- There are bathrooms. Two of them. Real, honest to God bathrooms. Perfect for changing out of dirty wet clothing and getting in your car to go the heck home.
- The food. OH MY the FOOD! Getting yourself to AmZoff is worth it for the post-race food alone!
Yes, I DNF'd, but I had a BLAST. It's impossible to describe the mystique of this race that draws people back year after year, but I hope that there continues to be a strong EN presence at AmZoff for years to come. I, for one, have a score to settle!
DINNER AT THE EGG'S NEST SALOON THE NIGHT BEFORE THE RACE, WHERE CARY WORE A SHIRT THAT READ, "THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA" I THINK IT WAS A SIGN.
JW GETTING PREPPED
GRAFFEO, LOOKING FLY AND READY TO TACKLE WHAT LIES AHEAD
AL, JW, MIKE GRAFFEO AND KEITH WICK IN TRANSITION (NOTICE PAVILION IN BACKGROUND - THAT'S WHERE ALL THE ACTION IS!)
THAT WOULD BE ME, FREEZING ON THE BIKE, REALIZING A PHOTOGRAPHER IS NEARBY, AND ATTEMPTING TO LOOK LIKE I'M HAVING FUN...
JW, GIVING A BIG THUMBS UP BEFORE HE HEADS OUT FOR HIS LAST RUN
AL WITH HIS 1ST PLACE MUG
Comments
It was a pleasure meeting and running that trial with you. You handled those non-carriage path downhills like an experienced trail runner, you do have good instincts. I DNF'd the Chris G F1 distance last year, so I know how it feels, you'll be back and more prepared next year.
And yes, I did wear the "That's a terrible idea" tee on purpose. Looking forward to seeing you and John up at Quassy and LP.
We should have a big EN group for this race next year, it's a tough but fun event that brings the best out of people when they should be at their worst.
The wet wind chill on the bike downhills, combined with the rotten road surface, was no joke. Wearing my fleece lined warm-up jacket on lap two was the best idea I had all day, certainly far better than the idea to do the "race" in the first place.
I just hear Charlton Heston when I think of your bike/flat: "... I'm not giving up my bike until they pry it from my cold, dead hands"
there are ultra marathons where they don't even announce when and where to register for the race, you just have to find out through word of mouth or at the last minute...I suspect that's what they are going for.
The Unknown K in Thousand Oaks - all you knew at the start was that the race would be between 2 and 10 miles. You follow the lead jeep which stays ahead and is marking as they go. At any time they could head back to the finish. No mile markers, no splits. If it's a longer run, there would be water stations set up...you just didn't know when you were going by. One year, all men had to carry a blue helium balloon and women a pink one. If you lost it or it popped before you got back, you were DQd. Another year, we had to carry a husk of corn. We got the strangest looks running through town.
The Tetrick Trail 8 mile run in Griffith Park, LA. This one had nudity at the mile 1 and 2 markers. They shot an arrow to start the race and you ran by a "dead" guy (with arrow) during the race. Totally unauthorized by the Park Department. Chainsaw Juggler at the awards ceremony one year and a very un-PC comedian the next.
Who knows - maybe I'll be back for the hat-trick next year - and hopefully in good enough shape to do the middle distance. And thanks again for all the hospitality...
Negative---that would completely take away from the experience of this race. I actually believe that to keep with the race vibe, you should write your own registration form on a piece of loose leaf paper. The only thing you need to know is that you will be suffering no matter which distance you choose.
@Cary - I LOVE that shirt and need one in a bad way! It's awesome, and should be flown atop a flagpole at every EN AmZoff gathering from this point forward.
@Carol - no worries - I am taking you with me next year. ;-)
@Tim - THANKS! I'm gonna need all the luck I can get settling THIS score!!!
@Al - wearing the fleece lined warm up jacket is precisely one of the reasons why you are wicked smart and I am not! ;-) I have a lot to learn! I think I would've fared slightly better had I been dressed properly (I'm still embarrassed that I wasn't!), but those winding, slick descents still would've scared the heck out of me!
@Kim - SUPER stoked to see you again! Going to be a little warmer, I hear!
@JT - you MUST come back next year!!! Register early this time!!!
@Nemo - I was bummed that you didn't make it, too! I really needed a little more estrogen around! Next year???
And Paul, Al, Nate, Keith - at first I was convinced (as was JW) that a Wiki entry was a fabulous idea.... but then you talked me out of it! I think you're right - the mystique is in large part what makes AmZoff so unique, and why I need to go back to see the rest of that bike course!
Thanks for the comments, everyone!!!