How to Say "No, You Can't Come to My Ironman"

kimmydct

So I'm doing my 2nd IM, IMChoo this year.  My parents and my wife will be joining me.  I have a friend who has expressed interest in coming (I don't even recall how we started discussing it) and has "clearance" from her hubby to go.  That is really awesome, except she is a little, let's say, "annoying" to some.  (ie Small doses are good) and my parents and wife wouldn't be thrilled if she came.

My main goal for IMChoo is to have a great race AND keep my peeps (parents and wife) happy while spectating, hence a super expensive suite that is like IN transition.  Having my friend there would likely stress them out, which would stress me out.  How on earth do I tell her not to come?  I've tried the "never mentioning it again and hope it goes away" approach, but she brought it up this weekend. I appreciate her willingness to come, and would like her to come but I can't have my Mom wanting to throw her into the river ... 

Any thoughts on how to gently steer her away from coming without hurting her feelings?

thekidduxc

Be as honest as you can without being rude. But don't lie.

Say it's family only, but suggest a future event that takes the attention/pressure off your IM.

Dino Sarti

Yeah, that's tough. You need to explain that from top to bottom, start to finish, all the training, all the time on the road alone, Ironman is very selfish endeavor. It's all about you. You need to be focused and thinking about set-up and execution.

Having a posse just doesn't work.

Jonathan Brown

I would just say, "Hey, I really just want my parents and wife there. There is a lot of stress before the race and during the race. Its tons of stress on me and the family, and I do not want you to deal with that boat load of stress. I tend to get really grumpy and start yelling at everyone... Wow, you dont want to see that side of me." Invite her to a smaller race.

Coach Rich

Posted By Jonathan Brown on 01 Apr 2015 12:41 PM


I would just say, "Hey, I really just want my parents and wife there. There is a lot of stress before the race and during the race. Its tons of stress on me and the family, and I do not want you to deal with that boat load of stress. I tend to get really grumpy and start yelling at everyone... Wow, you dont want to see that side of me." Invite her to a smaller race.

^This^. Basically tell her that your family is totally whack, you can't get out of having them there, as much as you'd like to, and it would be better if she didn't come and be exposed to your whack family. 

Basically, throw your family under the bus and turn her into the good guy for not adding to your stress 

Nemo Brauch

I'm frankly always amazed at folks who can go to races with a huge entourage and be really happy and cool with it. Maybe that's the introvert in me, having to worry about making sure everyone else is happy and taken care of just sucks energy from me. It's different with a group of friends who are all there to race- cause everyone knows they all are taking care of themselves first. So, if that feeling rings true to you as well, maybe focus on the idea that for you, less is best at races and let her be your sherpa at another race when your family won't be there.

FWIW- My parents came to my first IM (it was in Florida, they live in Florida, how could they not!) and I had similar reservations (I love them, but, see above). The way I dealt with it was I put my husband on notice that it was going to be his job to handle my parents and their 10,000 questions about everything. That worked out well and I was really ultimately happy they were there to see me finish.

Paul Hough

X2 on what Rich said. Throw the family under the bus!