Tri Obsessed
I came across this post in another forum. I found it a little shocking and somewhat truthful. Definitely thought-provoking.
It is difficult for many to look inward with no bias. I read it, saw myself in bits and parts, felt sad that I could be that person, sad that others around me may view me in that way. Perhaps, part of reason EN thrives and we all dig the EN environment and community is to satisfy a missing need given that in many aspects, like the post states, triathlon is not really a team or group effort.
DOES THIS ACCURATELY DESCRIBE YOU AND I?
IS THIS HOW PERSONS OUTSIDE THE TRI WORLD REALLY VIEW US?
Here is the post.............
My gripe is only about the obsessed tri athlete – what really gets me is that the ‘tri obsessed’ don’t understand that they are killing all their personal relationships with their obsessive selfish need to train and compete in a sport that is not social, has no real spectator interest and produces very tired, skinny and gaunt people that are kind of scary to be with as they are truly boring and dull (well the obsessed ones I have met are!) and whilst people say they are impressed that you do triathlons they are equally impressed with skiers, tennis players, sailors and other sports people, those committed and good at a sport is always impressive! Especially when they are working with others and learning that team work is o much better than selfish sports such as triathlons. In fact triathlons are only an endurance sport that test the individual against him/herself and has little social interaction – so no team building or mental tactics to winning better, just a personal PB. which for the partners of obsessive tri athletes gets a little warring. in fact we just pretend to be interested after a while as we are keen for you to exercise and enjoy yourself but obsessive tri people become dull- so what you have shaved off your PB just a few seconds here and now you then get depressed if your PB is slower, difficult to live with someone so pre occupied and self indulgent that a slower PB can affect their whole mood and alter their behaviour. Families get fed up and begin to think the obsessive tri athletes is sort of odd – I think it’s a type of depression they are dealing with an emotional need. The obsessive tri athlete is pushing themselves to the limits I have been told by experts, from a fear of facing their inner problems -wrapped up in lack of self confidence and low self esteem. This is the only way that they can feel good about themselves and can pretend they are amazing instead ofbalancing their lives to enjoy triathlons and other pursuits and be a normal person. They are kidding themselves and destroying their relationships – their kids would rather they had quality time with their Mom or Dad not just counting the T-shirts or Medals.”
Comments
Ditto.
It is tough--I feel like I'm constantly trying to balance work, TRI and family. More often than not--especially during peak periods I feel like I'm missing all three!
Interesting. Obsession? Possibly, but not necessarily a negative one. Negatively affecting my family and friends and other relationships? I'd argue that it enhances those relationships.
Personally, I haven't trained more than 10 hours/week since my IM buildup in 2008 and that was only for a few weeks.
I used to golf a lot. That was at least 6 hours door to door on both Sat and Sun.
Not training with other people? I try to ride and run with people as much as I can, but in order to accommodate commitments to the family, I sometimes have to train alone.
Many of my friendships are from folks I've met through the cycling, running, and tri community.
Skinny? Not me. Not yet anyway.
Full disclosure: I was locked out of EN for a day, and I missed the interaction of the forums.
The selection referenced from another forum is a generalization and stereotype, painting an entire group of people with a broad brush. I have been guilty of this in the past. When I went to the LP training camp in 2008, my first encounter with a group of tri folk, I was afraid they'd all be skinny, uptight tri folk. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was also my own insecurity coming through. What I learned and continue to learn, is that most people I've met through training and racing are good hearted, generous, and genuine people. People I enjoy being around.
Do I feel like I'm filling a void? No. I feel as if I'm doing something I enjoy. Striving to improve and having fun.
Dave
I would agree with Dave I am a better person because of it. I feel so much better after a swim/bike/run then before.
Hmmmm....As Col. Klink says, "verrry interesting...."
My first thought is people can get obsessed with things seemingly more lofty like meditation and the work of self-realization. They can get obsessed with yoga. Work, sex, you name it. Do I think it happens in athletics of all kinds--of course it does. Does this describe some people here in EN? I wouldn't judge someone I really didn't know based on one-dimensional encounters in forums where the purpose is to talk about everything tri all the time. Some people here do come across as having a LOT of self-worth wrapped up in power, speed, and race results. But how would one really know if that's just the persona here, or if it does effect their judgement of themselves? I can only hope those folks are more balanced in their larger lives, but how can one really know? That post sure does assume a lot of intimate value judgements about an entire population of people.
OTOH, I saw what happened to my neighbor across the street. We started running together after babies in 1992. She got too fast for me very quickly. Fast forward--she went on to become one of the fastest women runners and triathletes in NE. She has a 3:05 Boston, and qualified and went to Kona. Make no mistake, her two little girls were offered up on the altar of her narcisissm and obsession. Her needs, her training, her racing (every weekend, every where) came FIRST--for years. I'm still not sure if her husband is a saint or a rug. But if it wasn't for him, those two tiny children would have been lost. He finally put his foot down about three years ago because their marriage was unraveling--with her triathlon and running obsession at the core of the problem. Those are her words, not mine. She's pulled back, but there's a lot of resentment. That's still playing out.
Am I obsessed? I think I have been at times. I do think the kids and Keith have not had the total me when I'm deep in IM training. This last go-round getting ready for IMFL, I did learn to pull myself back to balanced more and more, and it's a major goal of mine in this round of training. I know there are times I "need" to be self-absorbed to accomplish such a big task, but I also know it's easy to avoid looking yourself in the eye and truthfully answering the question if others you love are paying a pretty high price for this game we play.
I'll stop now...
I agree with you LInda. I think I told this story but the year my husband did IM WI, he trained a lot. Every Saturday, he would get going on his long ride about 9:00 in the morning and by the time he got home his day was shot. During the run portion over along State St. a woman kept yelling to the runners, "You're our heros!!" over and over again. When my husband got to her he stopped and said to her, "Lady, I'm no person's hero, I'm just a selfish man who spent the last year neglecting his family to train non stop. Kids getting their a## shot off in Iraq are heros." He has only done one triathlon since then and only at my daughter's insistence that he do something with her. While I think his sentiments could be partially true, I look at our children and realize that our over reaching efforts to include them in every aspect of all of this training and racing has had a great impact on them. Our youngest is a strong triathlete in the Jr division and our other daughter works out sensibly to stay in shape. Racing isn't really her thing but she so loves to go cheer us on. We used to joke that they would be on This American Life some day telling their monotone story, "My parents participated in triathlons. They drug us to every race. We hated it. My mom died in a triathlon last week at age 73. My dad is in Kona this week. We still hate it." Our oldest still says that dialogue when we are headed to a race. I have to say that my youngest volunteering for IM WI was a great inspiration for her. She LOVES the sport and hopes to make a lifelong endeavor out of it. I'm glad her hero is Chrissy Wellington and not Brittney Spears.
So while there is balance to be had, there are also life lessons and character qualities that arise from all this, perseverance, self sufficiency, strong sense of sportsmanship, gutting it out when things seem bleak (my daughter rode 12 miles last year on a flat that wouldn't inflate to finish a bike segment only to get off and go on to the run and finish 4th).
Robb Hall dying on Mt Everest in 1996 leaving a pregnant wife with no support, no insurance, nothing...that's destructive obsession. While I'm sure the obsession exists in the sport, those people would be that way about something, it's in their nature. My husband is now a workaholic. He is wired that way and while he tries to combat it, we accept it and work around it. Anyway....I obsess about this reply...
IMO, she was driving me to train by myself (decreasing my social skills) more than if I hung out with groups of friends and trained socially, while attaining my training goals.
For some, the term 'focused' is accurate. For some, the term 'obsessed' is accurate too - mostly people from the outside looking in, IMHO.
I'm happy to say that I don't know anyone locally who would fit that description. ALL of my local friends are triathletes or athletes, as I started the local tri club that has become my social sphere. We basically socialize while we train. My bike is my old bar, in other words. I do try to steer the conversation away from triathlon and training (please) when we are vertical and in natural fiber clothing.
That said, I'm pretty sure I was That Guy for my first 2-3 years in the sport, from 2000-'03.
Seems like most good things in life are ruined by zealots. The line between dedication and obsession, being focused and being self-absorbed really quite distinct when one sees clearly beyond the fog of ego.
There's always SOMEONE in just but any group who is a self-obsessed D-bag. Long course triathlon may have a higher percentage of those people because there's so much prestige (within the society of that group) assigned to podium spots, Kona qualifiers, FTP's/Vdots/power to weight ratios/splits. I've tried very diligently to minimize my contact with those kinds of people (hence, being completely entrenched in this EN community!).
I have definitely had issues with obsession and compulsion in many areas including triathlon. It was really bad about 3 years ago. Each year I get better at balancing it all. I think we have an unusual group here with like-minded coaches. We talk about this stuff and the coaches give a clear message that this is just a game and a hobby. On the other hand, people are crushing it and having great successes too. One of the many reasons I love EN.
When I was a lightweight rower in college, I was that guy. My whole identity was wrapped up in my performance on the water/erg (for those who didn't row, the erg is what we call the rowing machine, and it was definitely the equivalent of the pain cave). I was ultra-competitive, not a great teammate, and not always that nice a person to be around off the water, either. When I graduated, I was a cut below the guys who kept training to try to make the national team, and had no outlet, so I coached for a year.
At the end of a year of coaching, I realized that rowing was WAY too dominant a force in my life, and I needed to get away from it. I made a clean break, and in fact haven't set foot in a shell since. Of course, one side effect was becoming a drifter, with no reason to stay in shape (hence the rapid gaining of 40 pounds, and commensurate laziness
). Seeing a rowing race still pulls at me, but I also know how self-destructive it was.
Triathlon has been my 'second chance' in sports. A chance to do something, try like heck to do it well, but not cross that line of all-consuming. It hasn't been easy. In fact, I'm not sure I've really given it enough thought until the last 2 days. However, the best measure for me is that
As long as that's still the case, I'm in. I'm truly grateful to have found a second chance. I really believe it's helped make me a better person.
Mike
I think there is always a balance in life. Most of us here I would think are type A personalities, goal driven people. We care about our health and fitness but almost everyone juggles family, work and life around it. EN is a very social group.
For comparisons, think Facebook which just hit 350 million users. What could be more narcissistic than spending hours a day at a computer writing irrelevant factoids about yourself and updating your "1,000 friends" telling them you just finished some silly survey or won a token on some game
I like triathlon.
tom
Insert "like" button here.
Ditto.
Warnings that you're obsessed:
Despite these obsessive behaviors, I talked with my wife about doing an IM in 2010. It is a way of life (which someone previously said) and my wife and son have realized that! With their blessings, they said "Go for it"! They get it! They understand that it is part of my life.....not my total life.
Thanks for starting this thread!
The quoted writer embedded within the original post appeared to be talking about others, but was more likely worried about him/herself. Projecting one's personal neuroses onto others is a great defense mechanism. At many triahtlons I see 100s or even 1000s of people interacting quite nornally with other competitors, friends, and family, as well as the local community. These "normal", "balanced" people cut across all levels within the sport, from BOP to the winners. Someone who is OCD in tri world be the same no matter what acitivty they were in; those who engage with others in a variety of ways probalby have their interactions enhanced as a result of their "obsession" with their hobby.
IOW, the problem is not the nature of our sport, it is the character of some people who gravitate to our sport. But certainly the majority of those I come in contact with in the triathlon world are able to appear as well-rounded, outgoing folk with other interests and balanced lives. EVERY activity in the modern world inspires specialization and in-depth involvement; that's not unhealthy, but rather, how progress is made in the world in general.
Having said all that, I do try to underplay my tri-life with those not in that world. I am very tolerant of those who ask me about my "cycling", or my "marathons", not trying to correct thier myopic view of what it is that I actually do. I say as little as possible unless they persist and push and really want to know. Otherwise, I try to focus more on their interests, probably as a relief from having to spend 2+ hours a day in my solitary training and ancillary activities.
LOL! Sweet Jesus! I am four for four! I have even combined 3 and 4! [Rode to beach 30 miles away to meet family who was driving with my wetsuit in the car so I could swim there.] Thank god wife and kids haven't disowned me yet!
This may just be an 'easy out'...but, I think that most people (other than us, triathletes) are often 'obsessed' as well. The difference is this...it is easy to look at someone who is doing something with his/her life and point to it and say, "he/she is obsessed". It is hard to point a finger at someone who watches TV all day and doesn't do anything productive and not even notice because that seems to be what most people do now. Those people are obsessed too...but, instead of being obsessed with triathlon, they are obsessed with being LAZY.
...wow, that made me feel good!
Me too.....
I agree with Stephen!
Good one, Tom.
I use the word "tri-geek" a lot in fun and in seriousness. I have friends who are like computer-geeks with pocket protectors. They have no idea how to not be a triathlete. It is everything in their lives. Their social lives involve almost exclusively tri-geeks, they talk tri-geek all the time and they have no idea how to actually take even one month off of training (or even a few recovery days). Though they may not think so, their kids suffer as well. Basically zero balance. Very sad.
I find it odd, but it is exactly like Tom's Facebook example. Guess those folks would be called FB-Geeks. :-)
Thanks for sharing, Dave.
Would definitely say that during IM training I am obsessed... with getting the darn thing over and done! It depends on where you are in life. I agree- I was obsessed with studying during grad school. 8 hours a day Saturday and Sunday. Yeah- my social life suffered, but these days, my job satisfaction is high. It was worth it. I still spend time reading work material to stay up to date, but it is balanced. I am not IM training- so life is balanced. I don't talk about intervals or time. If I work out, I just feel good. Every activity has extremists. Look for balanced folks.
As for Facebook- yeah, I am a boycotter. I see too many obsessed folks AND I don't care what folks are doing all of the time. I am not thinking of them every moment, and I am sure they are not thinking of me, wondering what I am up to. I like being "out of touch". 3 weeks in Palau. I could have checked e-mail, chose not to do it. Disconnect people, it won't kill you!