mancona's Kona 2010 Race Report
Sorry this one took a while. Even though it is long and may come across negative, this race was still bar far one of my most memorable experiences in life. As time goes on I will forget the negative thoughts and remember the postitive.
My week in Kona:
http://ironmancona.blogspot.com/201...-kona.html
The race report:
http://ironmancona.blogspot.com/201...eport.html
I'm glad to share date from my bike and run, but there isn't much to see. The bike was at .68 IF, and well under my power and HR targets. The run was even worse at .70 IF, possibly my lowest of the entire year.
Thank You for the continued support throughout the year!!!
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Comments
And who knows, you may already have your One Thing ready. :-)
Matt - My brother -
This:
"No matter what the situation was or what excuss I come up to justify it, the reality is it got tough and I gave up. I will never forgive myself for that."
Is so NOT TRUE. I can only reflect to you what I felt in 2006 @ IM CDA, the first time I won my AG in an IM. About mile 16 or so, I ran by Cheryl, my wife, slowed down, stopped, and told her, when she looked puzzled and asked why I was stopping, "I'm OK, I've just shut down my race, that's all. I'm not racing any more, I'm just trying to make sure I finish." That day was almost insufferably hot, 95F and sunny, and no relief along the lake. I felt like I could not compete any more, and felt inside like I had turned off the competitive engine which usually drives me on.
"Giving up" would have been to do what the guy in front of me did - at mile 23, he stopped and fell asleep under a tree for 30 minutes and went from 1st to 5th. I stopped racing, but I did not give up. There's a difference. Like you, I slowed down enough to get my fluid needs met, but kept on going. What you did was adjust your speed to the conditions (in yourself and in the enivronment) you encountered out there. You learned what a brutal place the Queen K is on a hot and sunny day, and how important it is to stay hydrated every minute of the way. Getting behind the fluids for 45 minutes at the end of the bike was all it took to booger your run just enough that you didn't feel like you wanted to.
But you did NOT give up.
As you know, anything over 2-3% dehydration will start to impact performance. Your 4.5% weight loss indicates that just that seemingly little lapse of 45 minutes was enough to turn you from a racer into a finisher. Lesson learned.
Personally, I think more of your decisions to race smart than I would if you pushed yourself to the extreme and become dangerously dehydrated, etc. The phrase "never forgive myself" doesn't conjure up ideas that you will learn from this, move forward, and race smarter (i.e. drink even when frustrated and dealing with bike issues!). You've had a lot of tough races, and when I first started with EN and read your WI race report I can still remember being impressed that you accepted your run problems, dealt with it, kept going, and won. You did the same here, but I don't think you accepted that there were things outside your box (i.e. the other awesomely fit athletes racing Kona).
I think you need to re-read our tracking thread- we were all impressed with your execution and finishing time considering all the things you OODA'ed throughout the day: http://endurancenation.us.dnnmax.com/Community/Forums/tabid/101/aff/32/aft/3669/afv/topic/Default.aspx#53942
So, I'm disagreeing (respectfully of course) with your assessment of giving up. Ironman is not raced in a vacuum, you take it as it comes and you deal with it, and how you do that should be how you measure your race. Goals are always based off the perfect race, but you need to realistically reanalyze your goals too, and in this situation I think you had a very good race. Next time I expect you to hydrate better, not have bike problems, and beat Macca. So very low expectations for Kona #2
Wow, thank you so much for the awesome feedback and perspective (and reading my long-winded report).
I realize I am being tough on myself like usual and maybe even too tough this time. I probably choose the wrong wording and not explained myself. You are correct, I did not give up, but I did give in.
When it wasn't easy anymore I made all kinds of excusses to justify why I should back off and go even easier and so thats what I did. There was nothing wrong, I didn't cramp and my legs felt fine. This happens to me in most races, but prior to this race I have always sucked it up and got it done. I was in significantly more pain and suffering at IMWI and I got it done. On this day I took the easy way out and this is the first and only time I can remember choosing the easy way out.
I am proud that I have always crossed the finish line knowing that I gave it my best that I could have on that day. I've had enough bad days to know that my best on a certain days is not aways the same, but this was a different situation. On this day I crossed the line and I knew that I did not give it my best. That hurts and has been a hard pill to swallow for me as I have never experienced this before and I never want to again.
@William - I have actually moved on for the most part. I am using this as fuel to motivate myself for the next season and this will definitely drive me to push even harder. I'm not trying to dwell on this, but I do see value in documenting my feels after the race (whether right or wrong) so I can reference them in the future when I look back on this race.
@Al - You hit the nail on the head (like usual). This is the first time I have ever turned off the competitive engine during a race or maybe in life in general. As you said, I definatly had a huge lesson learned about my brief lapse in hydration as there is zero room or error in those conditions.
@Jennifer - I 100% agree with you on the execution vs fitness. I had all the fitness I needed going into this race but I am still learning about execution. I was quite quesay about the whole ride out of Hawi as well
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We'll never know what would have happend if I pushed harder on the run and that is what upsets me. I litterally walked away from the finish line like I didn't do anything. I walked almost 2 miles back to my condo fine. I was up the next morning, never got sore once and was walking around totally normal. I feel like I left way too much out there on the course. IMWI was one more proudest moments, not becuase I won, but because it was the single hardest race of my life due to the cramping and I pused through and did the absolute best that I could that day. That is a world of a difference from what I did in Kona.
I do agree with all of you as I did not completely give up, however I strongly feel that I gave in and did not give it my all on this day. I'm considering editing the report to reflect this difference as now that you brought it to my attention it is significant in my mind .
Matt I read you report last night and had to sleep on it. When I checked back in today to the thread I see similar thoughts communicated by Al and Jennifer (more effectively than my writing capabilities).
You did not give up. Let me repeat that. You did not give up. Your body was not in a position to step up the performance....period. If you had thought that you would "not give up" out there under the circumstances at that moment, you could have run yourself into the medical tent. In addition, by stepping it up, my guess is that there would not have been any possible way to make your goal time or finishing position anyway. You mentioned that all year it was about having fun at Kona and that you had convinced yourself that was the ultimate goal.....but it wasn't, was it? You analyzed every aspect of that race and your competition. You knew exactly what you could do on that course and where you could place if everything went to plan. You also had a lot more outside pressure on you that you hadn't really had in the past (ie. sponsors expectations). I think ultimately you had conflicting expectations of that race that you could never convince yourself which one was the most important. That left you trying to convince yourself what was important in the middle of the race and you never really knowing what it was......Your One Thing. On one hand you gave yourself a reason to "give up" (there to enjoy the day). On the other hand you feel bad that you "gave up" (because ultimately your real goal wasn't going to happen).
I, too, have conflicting goals for my forthcoming first IM. Thanks to you I know that I need to focus on that one which is most important and measure that day based on that One Thing. If I don't, I set myself up for all kinds of negative thoughts and the possibility of never really knowing if I accomplished anything.
BTW, I saw you cross the line and you looked great. You should be proud of yourself. You will be back and have your revenge.
Things I'm seeing:
1.) You hugged your awesome wife and baby on your first round at Kona. You always get to have that.
2.) There are so many things that happened on your Kona trip (disassembled bike, crazy flats, crazy wind, weird ocean swim) that would have crippled other athletes -- and, perhaps, even a mancona from a year or two ago who wasn't as smart yet about mechanicals, etc. So rock on, there!
3.) I think most of us are attracted to this sport because, at every level of competition, it gives us so many things to wrestle with. We Type A folks don't like to be bored. Because then we have to go through the trouble of finding new hobbies, er, passions. It sounds like this race gave you a fantastic new story problem for next season (further superiority of head game) that might be even more fun than swimming.
Matt,
First off great report and an excellent summary of your day.
Yes you are being tough on yourself and that's why you continue to improve. I'd agree with the other's that you quit competing but you did not give up. Let me tell you how that one is haunting me. I DNF at IMC making the bike cut off and never started the run, that's quitting. Like you I am was very disappointed in myself. I had reasons and some are justified but I know first hand it just eats at you.
What I see here is conflicting purposes and I believe you never really committed to one side or the other. Check out your October 2nd blog entry "All I have left to do now is get to Kona, enjoy the week before the race. As I have said before this is an off year for me and I am going to Kona to enjoy the experience."
On the one side the you were looking to enjoy the experience and this happened throughout the race. I would say you met this goal several times on race day. You enjoyed parts of your race with your family even stopping for the first time and this just stuck with me from your RR "I completely forgot about everything that happened and for the first time since my first race (2004 Chicago Marathon), I just enjoyed finishing and the finish line. It was truly an amazing experience to cross that finish line on Ali'i."
The competitive side also wanted to do well but as you stated you had no specific goals or the one thing at mile 18. I would argue that mentally you had already given yourself a reason to slow down which is totally fine.
One other comment on your last closing thought " I've tried a few time to just go out and race for fun and it hardly ever works." Knowing that races are not the time for this is a positive thing but if you don't take time to enjoy the sport it will become like work or you will get burnt out. Make sure you leave your garmin at home or the powermeter off the bike every once in a while and just get out for the fun of it.
Don't beat yourself up for enjoying the race in an off year. I'm sure you will get another chance to hit your time goals.
Finally, the positive side of this is that you already have motivation for racing again. You've done a better job than I have at getting over your raceday let down's. Again great job Matt and I believe I'll go home after work, finish that race report of mine from IMC and take some of my own advice.
Congrats on the finish at Kona!
Gordon
What Trent said!
Yet another example of the problem with focusing a year of training, or a several year quest on one day when lots of variables are not within your control.
I have a feeling that you will have another shot at kona and what happened this year will be valuable experience?
I really appreciate the continued great feedback from everyone. I am always tough on myself and it helps to here your thoughts to "talk me off the ledge". That said, I know what happened during the day and I wrote this report to document that so I don't forget the details. I very much appreciate you views on it and please continue to share.
I agree with everyone that this was a really good learning experience and I will grow because of it. My biggest take away is that I still have a lot to learn and this was one more huge step in the ironman puzzle.
@Gordon and Terry - I 100% agree with you guys, I was on the fence with what my goals were going into this race and that is a big issue. I tried to convince myself over and over I could just finish and do it for fun, but for a number of reasons I was never able to truly accept this internally. Many of you saw this in me but I tried to ignore it...it didn't work. Big lesson learned here about being honest with myself BEFORE the race.
@Chris - 3 IM runs at 3:55, 3:22, 3:33 - all three runs were way off what they should have been... i.e. well under .75 IF and at .7 for Kona. It's become apparant I suck at running off the bike in IM... however in the 70.3 distance I have run within a minute of my "potential" according to our EN charts. My run fitness is a good bit better this year than last... PR'ed every single distance (3 minutes at 13.1, 10 minutes at 26.2) also PRed twice at 70.3s that I messed up as well. Bike fitness is better as well. Even with the conditions I know I could have went harder and I'm mad at myself for letting my mind talk me out of it during the race.
It's all water under the bridge now anyway. I will be back again, stronger and smarter because of this.
I slept on everyone's feedback and do truly appreciate it. I have updated the blog post based on the very good insight and advice many of you share.
This really comes down to not clearly and honestly defining my goals and one thing prior to the race. Then when things got tough I had an internal struggle while attemping to continue running in the hottest conditions and most competitive race I have ever been in (i.e. not a good time to be having this conversation). During the race I convinced myself of one thing, but after the race I know that is not what I really wanted. It happened, I have moved on and learned a ton about myself becuase of it.
RnP warn us of this in the 4 keys and I completely screwed it up this time around. Major lesson learned here and hopefully others will read this and avoid this situation.
Thank you again to each of you for your comments and thoughts. I look forward to learning from this and continuing to develop my mental/execution skills.
But I must confess, my favorite part of the blog is the birthday pictures of your daughter. You better continue doing IM and returning to Kona for many more years. 'Cause she's gonna kill you if she finds these pics as a teenager and realizes the only time you took her to Hawaii was before she could remember it!