Bad news / good news team
Well team bad news/good news. Bad news is separating from wife after 17 years, very hard because two amazing little boys involved and afraid I will be fucking up their heads forever. Silver lining is this is me today after exactly one year of EN workouts, diet, and lifestyle. Gotta go get new clothes! Thanks to everybody on this team for helping me become the man I've become.
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Comments
And congrats on the weight loss- nice job!
@ Michael...Ditto for me as well...after 15 years....training will keep you sane...and your children will be amazingly resilient...just be yourself with them.
Jonathan,
That is definitely a tough situation but you are still looking out for your boys. My brother just went through this 2 years ago with two small boys and he was also very concerned for them and they seem to be doing quite well.
Nice job on the lifestyle change.
Gordon
I've been Carole's kids other parent for 16 years and was always impressed by the level of civility between Carole and Tom (the ex). The kids always understood I was not their father and would never do anything to interfere with the relationship they had with their father. Tom and Carole never engauged in kid-tug-o-war or let their own emotions smear the other parent in the children's eyes. Both have grown to be well adjusted adults. Your kids can get through this as long as they know that both parents love them, care about them, and want to be a part of their lives.
PM me if you want to talk to an outsider who has seen this from the inside. And no, I had nothing to do with the divorce - the marriage ended on its own.
Steven
I do find it odd that this happened in your post IM LP euphoria, i hope when you come down from Kona you aren't looking around and saying "what did i do?"
Been there, done it and I can honestly say that it is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I have an ideal relationship with my ex, we all live very close to one another, and have never once fought when it comes to the boys. We are still pretty seamless when it comes to them.
Alls I am saying is make damn sure this has to happen. Good luck.
I think Chris's advice is good. If it doesn't have to be then don't divorce. But if it the marriage sucks (and my first marriage was never good), then the future always holds promise. Just keep the kids welfare foremost.
i have recently had a reunion of sorts with my ex. even though she was the one who left and the one who kicked me in the teeth, did ugly things, etc. turns out that 3 months after the fact, she fell and fell hard. It is scary that i was the one despondent and on the floor and here we are two years later, i found ironman and apparently she found the bottle.
while i have re-established a friendship with her, she often says "This had to happen." and per the per the comments in here, it didn't. I did recently get a present that i bet no one gets in divorce. i was told that i was right that when we went to marriage therapy, i was right in that she only was working on me and never herself. I was also told that i was 100% right when i told her "if you want to get divorced it won't change anything, you (her) will still be just as miserable without me as with me, because the source of your (her) miserly is internal.
so where does that leave me? it leaves me being a better dad, taking my three girls on constant adventures, and being a positive role model for them. Moving my life forward, doing positive things with every day. I had another relationship in the last two years, wasn't right, but learned alot from it. Now embarking on another relationship that seems great.
Act II is going to be all about me. i never got my needs met in the marriage and i was too happy to try and meet hers. lots of therapy and of course all the thinking time you have biking, running and swimming has produced great results. I am the best person i have ever been in my life and will continue to reach new heights.
The kids - it DOES SUCK for them. they move from house to house, they forget school books at one house and get ripped apart by their mom for being irresponsible for it, they don't have all their clothes in one place, they don't have a big enough place with me to have friends over much, the counterpoint is they have a better relationship with me than ever. but do not ever for one second think you can do this without affecting them. but do NOT stay together FOR them. make decisions on where to live, work, etc, to be in a place where you can be there for them and be present, more present than you would have been had you stayed together. I moved my office out of NYC, have an apartment in the same town that she is in. I do not miss a single event at school, i often do more than i am supposed to in terms of driving, etc. it is just another opportunity to be a part of their lives.
i could go on, but perhaps that is for the team DN website...