IMCDA - I laughed at my worst IM finish ever!
I'll start with the end and say this race didn't go as I had hoped. I think I'm not alone as Ironman racing is unpredictable and it takes not only excellent preparation but a culmination of perfect conditions (weather, nutrition, safety) to create the perfect race for many. But this was about finishing unfinished business and taking back what was rightfully mine from a year ago. A year ago I DNS IMCDA due to a broken foot. Yesterday, I was just happy to be able to stand in the sand with my wetsuit on and participate.
PRE-RACE - Nothing major to mention here. Had good night's sleep. This is my 4th Ironman finish and everytime I do one I sleep better and better. I ate a modified Jordan Rapp breakfast of ~700 cals. Felt good about my nutrition.
SWIM - Great to stand on the beach and see the pros get the flat glass-like water for their first lap of the swim. Seeded left of post a hair and hit the water when the gun went off. Water felt like it did in 2008...about 59 degrees. Acclimation swims paid off in the preceding days. No real shock. Fought for position during the first stretch, got some good water on the way back to the beach. First split was ~33:XX...GAME ON! Not so fast, wind kicked up and there was significant chop on the 2nd lap. And I didn't resist the temptation to fight it hard...and this I believe is where things started to unravel. I wanted real bad to best my first lap split. Chop seemeed to get worse. And cold hands didn't help maintain form. 2nd lap split was ~36:XX. Ok, fine...let's move on.
T1 - Running along the beach, big toe got caught on the sand and I rolled it forward spraining it slightly. Hurt bad and hurt to run on it...uh oh. Changing was easier than I envisioned with the cold hands/feet.
BIKE - Legs never really felt right. Never felt in the groove. Target was 195 NPW. I rode very conservatively in the 65% IF range for the first 90 mins. Started to ramp it up to Goal Watts by 90 min mark. Found it very hard to contol the VI with long sustained climbing and long/fast descents. Was very careful on the climbs to keep in check. Managed the ride in 30' Ints to keep things "in a box". Peed 3X on bike. Consumed infinit and 2-3 Bonk Breaker bars (used in training). 4X Salt Sticks as well. Miles seemed to move by very slowly on 2nd lap. Maintained Goal Watts. Mile 108 I flatted on my front - changed it fast and then back on the road. Good news is it gave my HR a chance to come down a bit. Last 20 miles of the bike I started mentally dreading the run - this is not a good sign. Don't know why but my head wasn't in this race at all. Not from the day we arrived in CDA. And this lack of excitement started to manifest itself when it was about time to do the real hard thing - run. I managed just 190 NPW, .70 IF, 270 TSS for 5:47 bike split on this ride...honestly, it *felt* like a rode too hard although the numbers don't show it.
T2 - Flying dismount and some efficient moves got me a quicker than normal T2 time.
RUN - Many feel good at the beginning...and I did. Ran +30 seconds above goal pace for 6 miles. Ran up and back on the big hill. Kept it in check. Miles though started to go from 9:10 to 9:20 to 9:40...you get the idea. At Mile 6 I was already doing some damage control. I got through 13.5 so I could see my wife at the turn around and smile for her while running. At the top of Lakeside I literally said "eff this, I'm walking it in". Heart and mind not in it. My legs and body would not respond. I refuse to make excuses but the sciatica and hamstring tendonitis I've battled for a couple of months was a definite factor. I walked about 10 miles...ran a a little. Did a lot of thinking about my family and about the sacrifice everyone has made for me to do this sport. Worked up the courage to run the last 1.5 miles to the finish. Promised myself I wouldn't be anything but happy at the end when I saw my wife and friends. My wife was in tears that I didn't have the race I so badly wanted. I said "it's okay because last year I got nothing (DNS) and this year I got something...a 4th Ironman finish". And just like a "Win is a win" a "Finish is a finish". I literally laughed with my friend (who rocked a 10:28) as I crossed the line about how I just had a shitty day and really didn't care! We hugged, ate pizza, laughed about funny stuff we saw on the course, talked about the new bike course, enjoyed seeing some other friends finish and just had a good time.
Many friends and family members have called/texted me in the last 24 hours asking how I did. I tell them I didn't have the race I wanted but I've been in the position before of getting NOTHING and this is better than nothing. I've also told them that out on the Run course I realized that I have ZERO athletic ability...back several generations in my family no one is atheltically gifted. Everything I have done in Long Course triathlon for the past 5 years is because of hard work, dedication and determination. And sometimes the mind can only do so much to compel the body. Yesterday, my mind really didn't want to do another Ironman. I think I was mentally exhausted from training for IMCDA 2011, breaking a foot, recovering and then training again for IMCDA 2012...my mind just ran out of gas. Time for a break. I need to heal a bad back, bad hamstring and figure out how to strengthen them. More importantly, my mind needs a break. Who knows how long...I'll know when I'm excited again.
Comments
Congratulations on your race, Jim! I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you in CDA, but in a lot of ways your day (and your weekend) paralleled mine and many others. (Apparently you were right out in front of me and Brett all day!) A surprisingly tougher swim colluded with up a surprisingly tougher bike, which produced some gut-check running. A lot of people I talked to afterwards referenced a run experience that was below their expectations based on their training, and I believe it's all related. I also believe this sport has three underlying purposes: 1.) Push your comfort zone out beyond what you're mind (which is in the business of self-preservation) has told you is possible, 2.) teach you how to suffer and 3.) teach you how to adapt, overcome unexpected obstacles and formulate a plan B (C, D, E...) Based on your report, I'd say you accomplished that. Plus, you beat most of us! The day/week after is a tough time to be thinking about what's next. Congratulations and thanks for the report- glad I wasn't alone!
Good job yesterday!
* swim was easy and faster than expected, followed by...
* a bike where I hit all my numbers and even was able to surpass them while eating everything in sight and peeing 3x, followed by....
* a run where it all just flowed, I was in the zone and just drilled it, en route to....
* a massive PR earned by cruising.
The hardest part of race day is managing the man in the mirror, the internal ghost, your alter ego who is trying to take your race away from you. My best races have come after worse than expected swims, and sub-par bikes...and it's becoming more and more apparent to me how important it is to separate your race day mental and physical focus...just do what you can as long as you can and the finish will sort it out.
That said, if you aren't mentally in it, there's no way to push the end. I feel badly b/c I know just how involved you;ve been for the last 5 months to get ready for this race. Get right and I can't wait to follow you in your return!!!!
Jim,
I hope you don't take any of what I'm about to type the wrong way. It isn't meant to be ST mean spirited or anything. We're more or less one big happy family here. That stated...
You posted a lot of questions and comments in the training forums and dashboard over the last month or so that often had me scratching my head. You were way over analyzing, over thinking and stressing about many things (my opinion). You stated that you mentally checked out during the race. I think you freaked yourself out to the point you came sort of undone Sunday or you had kind of mentally checked out a few weeks back. I hate saying that but that's the vibe you had been giving out the last month or so.
Part of me wanted to send you a message telling you to chill but I don't know you well enough to think it was my place to do that. I wish I had said something.
Like I stated earlier... don't take this the wrong way. It's just my outside observation from what I had been reading from you. I thought you were getting a little mentally defeated leading up to the race. I could be way off base and if so feel free to tell me to STFU.
Nevertheless, you still accomplished something on Sunday and you now know you can do this even without your best game face on. That says a lot about toughness. Take a break, enjoy some normal life and hop back on the crazy train when you're ready.
- Bob
Good job !
That's accurate. My podium was standing on the beach at the start.
The reason is that all of it wasn't for that one day. It was to show yourself that you could set a goal, set a plan in motion, and make a commitment to that plan and to yourself that you would....GET...IT...DONE. And you did. Was it the day you wanted? Nope. Was it one you'll remember? I'm pretty sure it is. And I'm pretty sure that you've proved to the world that you DO have athletic ability. Regardless of your finish time or place, you built a helluva lot of fitness over the past year. You've built stronger muscles, a healthier heart, a leaner body, and a focused mind. Don't forget all of the great things that come from an athletic lifestyle....a time on a clock doesn't encompass all of that.
You still did something that 99% of the human population hasn't done. You finished an Ironman. Step back from this group of ONLY triathletes here and realize how awesome that is to all the "regular" folks around you.
Sidenote that has been on my mind:
Is it just me, or do we, as triathletes, get WAAAAAY too hung up on numbers? How many of us see a couple of mile splits where we aren't hitting what we planned, and let it destroy us mentally? I get the whole idea of using a powermeter and staying in zones, but at the same time, maybe it would do us some good to STOP looking at data so closely? Maybe it would do us some good to just say "I'm gonna take what the road/water/trail has to offer today and let my body guide me?" If that day is slow, it's slow. If it's fast, it's fast. No matter how hard we try, we're never going to 100% figure out why our body does exactly what it does on any given day.
Is a ride always bad if you're 5 minutes slower? Is a run always bad if you're 10 seconds per mile behind where you "should" have been? Seems silly to me to waste that sense of accomplishment because some stupid display on your wrist tells you it wasn't good enough.
Thanks coach. Part of what went wrong was setting proper and realistic expectations with myself. Last year, before breaking my foot, I had a ton of mojo heading into the taper. Pretty sure that the result would have been significantly different than this year. I mentally carried those expectations forward to this year and that's part of what went wrong. When I started having injuries like back, hamstring, etc. popping up 6-8 weeks ago I kind of refused to adjust my race day goals in my mind. I then realized with about 2 weeks to go that those goals were likely at risk. And it took the wind out of my sail. I was realizing that I was there on Sunday to finish...to reclaim what was taken from me a year ago. I did that but I didn't do it in the way I wanted or had hoped I would.
This is the best assessment yet. This is exactly how I feel and what happened.
Yes, there are some very personal things that came to me as well during that time. It would be ungrateful for me not to be happy about being able to start and finish this race. I've been in the position of sudden DNS mode before and it's a dark place.
you got it done. period. congrats.
sorry I didn't see or recognize you out there. next time.
Jim - I hope you (a) heal and (b) get hungry again. You've got more to learn from racing 140.6 miles, some things you can't get anywhere else.
Jim, I'm sorry the day didn't go quite how you planned it. As someone who has DNS'd an Ironman, I can really relate to what you went through. And I think it does increase the pressure to prove something to yourself. After all, you've invested twice the time and energy that an ordinary Ironman does, and that's a considerable amount to start with. But I also agree with Kori, that when all is said and done you can't compare yourself to an arbitrary number you want to hit or to anyone else out there on the course. In comparison to ordinary people, you are a ROCKSTAR, plain and simple.
My step-son, who is 100 pounds overweight and pre-diabetic already in his 20's came and watched the race. He made a vow to race Ironman in 5 years. Today he emailed me for the first installment of an eating and training plan. He was inspired by you, me, and everyone else out there on the course, and so are hundreds of other people in your life every day. You're an inspiration and an Ironman.
I hope that when you're ready, you can come back and have the race you've envisioned for youself. But in the meantime, enjoy the race that you did accomplish because it's really pretty damned impressive thing to do.
Congrats on crossing the line on a tough day! I remember your DNS last year and am so happy you got your finish even if it didn't meet your expectations. I can relate brother!
Sorry I missed meeting you out there but hope to see you in a future 140.6. Take some real, actual down time and rebuild your mental stores and don't give IM a 2nd thought for a while. I have a sneaking suspicion, the hunger will return. Just don't rush it for now!
Also appreciate your kind words for my race!
I can certainly understand not having your head in the game at the starting line. That makes for a long day, for sure.