HELP! Need Some MOJO!
Hi All:
Need your help.
This is not a sob story, but my older brother died 3 weeks ago. I have been up and down emotionally, but the biggest victim the past three weeks has been my training. I get a burst of energy here and there, but overall if I have been doing little to no training.
Just the other day I contemplated bailing on OS AND IM St. George and going off the radar for a year. I texted that to Tom Glynn and his response back was something like, "Fine. But that doesn't get you out of bike intervals next week." Made me laugh. 
I have also been eating like a pig and I have gained a solid 6 lbs. these past 3 weeks. I was at the Glynn's house for dinner last night with the wife and kids and I musta ate 12 pieces of pizza. 
That hasta stop.
So . . . . I need you guys to beat me with "The Stick." I posted on Facebook this past week I was having a down day and I got all the "feely" responses about hanging in there, take all the time you need, etc. What I wanted to hear was, "get the hell off the couch and on your bike!" "If you don't get training Rich is going to moto to your house and kick you in the nutz!" And the like. Right now, this is what I need to hear.
So, have at it. Make me laugh. Make me cry. But you have "The Stick" and help me get motivated. No panzy stuff. I need mantra's. I am a big boy and I can take it. Don't be shy.
Thanks a bunch.
John
Comments
Hey John,
You NEED and thrive on having a goal. You LOVE being healthy and lean. It is good for you, for Cheryl and especially for Nolan. You have an infectious personality and are a joy to be around.
I think keeping up with the training and your goals is imperitive. I know you feel sad and I am sorry for that. But something tells me your brother loved that you got healthy and were doing tri's. Keep it up my friend. Sulking and going off the radar is NO GOOD!!! Wrong choice.
Now lay out your clothes for tomorrow. Pack your drinks. Call Tom and go for your ride and intervals. Just freaking do it!! Cause I SAID SO!!!
Love ya my friend, Carrie
You big $&@?%! I have not been kicking my shiney white ass on my runs and bike to have you bail on our 2010 season pass-the-stick smack as our motivation tool to achieve great things this season. Train and race St George in honor of your brother. End of story. Your FTP now is my carrot. A rainy day in hell if I am going to let you end the OS with a higher FTP than I. So get your ass on that bike, shadow Tom on those intervals and do not let me catch your FTP so quickly in the OS. Oh, I will catch you.... but dear friend, please make me suffer in the pain cave to earn it. No going into hiding..... You make EN fun with your wacky short video clips.
From:
Your friend waiting to be spanked yet again.
Hey John, There is only room for one slow fat white guy and that is me. If you wanna go at my title then lets throw it down. Hotdogs at ten paces followed by pie. You MAN enough for that! I did not think so.
So get your fat ass off my couch and get going our I am gonna jam my foot up your kiester and you will be walking around with a big mustard stain for a week.
You are not getting off that easy my friend. You can't {THWACK!} my ass and then back down yourself. DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! No lie that you were the main reason I even did my bike test in week 1. I had one foot out of the OS myself. I need you in this group and so do many, many others!
Seriously, Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get yourself in gear and go do something really painful! Call The Glynn and go out and crush yourself! Do something that will make yourself proud!
NEVER AGAIN! Remember??
www.endurancenation.us/en_forums/showthread.php
I'll play, but first I have to reiterate what Chris said. Losing your brother is beyond The Stick. One of my favortie lines from the kid's book We're Going on a Bear Hunt is--"Can't go over it; can't go under it; can't go around it--have to go through it." Applies to grieving and workouts, no? Celebrate something wonderful about your brother each time before you go out there. Take a moment to call him up in your mind, have the connection, and let it empower you. Combine the two. I think trying to push the feelings aside in order to train won't work. Meld them. Bring him along, and let him enjoy what your heart enjoys. My two cents. I've lost both my mom and dad, and it's what I did in my own way.
Now the following isn't original, but edited from Zen Habits. It's helped me get out the door at times over the past few weeks:
1. Don’t overthink. Too much thinking often results in getting stuck, in going in circles. Some thinking is good — it’s good to have a clear picture of where you’re going or why you’re doing this — but don’t get stuck thinking. Just do.
2. Just start. All the planning in the world will get you nowhere. You need to take that first step, no matter how small or how shaky. My rule for motivating myself to run is: Just lace up your shoes and get out the door. The rest takes care of itself.
3. Forget perfection. Perfectionism is the enemy of action. Kill it, immediately. You can’t let perfect stop you from doing. You can turn a bad draft into a good one, but you can’t turn no draft into a good draft. So get going.
4. Focus on the important actions. Clear the distractions. Pick the one most important thing you must do today, and focus on that. Exclusively. When you’re done with that, repeat the process.
5. Take small steps. Biting off more than you can chew will kill the action. Maybe because of choking, I dunno. But small steps always works. Little tiny blows that will eventually break down that mountain. And each step is a victory, that will compel you to further victories.
6. Negative thinking gets you nowhere. Seriously, stop doing that. Self doubt? The urge to quit? Telling yourself that it’s OK to be distracted and that you can always get to it later? Squash those thoughts. Well, OK, you can be distracted for a little bit, but you get the idea. Positive thinking, as corny as it sounds, really works. It’s self-talk, and what we tell ourselves has a funny habit of turning into reality.
7. Planning isn’t action. Sure, you need to plan. Do it, so you’re clear about what you’re doing. Just do it quickly, and get to the actual action as quickly as you can.
8. Sometimes, inaction is better. This might be the most ironic thing on the list, but really, if you find yourself spinning your wheels, or you find you’re doing more harm than good, rethink whether the action is even necessary. Or better yet, do this from the beginning — is it necessary? Only do the action if it is.
Linda
I am not going to presume I know you and know what you need, everyone deals with grief differently. My dad passed last Christmas and I have been grieving since then and still some. I thought it ironic when I joined the haus in Oct that the folks were talking up the pain cave so much. I feel like I have been in my own "pain cave" the past year. Like Chris said, give yourself the permission to do what you need to do to heal. Now that may sound like psycho babble, but from my experience with the death of a loved one, grieving happens,it is a natural part of life. I went into my cave with a couple of things that kept me going and my tri life was one of those "things" I needed to keep me focused on something other than my pain. Long story short, figure out what minimal things you need to keep going, and then give yourself permission to take a break from the other stuff.
Kathy
NO WAY are you backing off now! You are going race St. George....even if I have to come out there first and drive your Norcal a$$ there. After all the strength and guidance you've given me over the last year there's no way in hey-ll that I will let you out of me thanking you in person.
When you think about it, you need something predictable and measurable and straight up right now. I think OS with it's consistent rhythm of T, W, Th, S, S work and Monday and Friday days off are the perfect structure that you need to help you deal with all the unknowns, the "whys", the "what tha's", the "this can't be's" etc. that you're wrestling with right now. Those questions will make you crazy, and you ain't gonna find the answer to any of them in pizza (no matter how many slices you eat). Allow yourself to do something to try so that you have a mix of grieving and non-grieving activities: Give yourself permission to go off grid totally on Mondays and Fridays, let yourself have a slice of cake on each of those days (one for you, one for your brother), think about whether you could come up with a "one thing" for not continuing the road to SG-I'll bet you won't find one that's more compelling than actually doing it, as someone else has said, do this for your brother to honor his memory, realize that going into hiding completely without any sort of end date could mean that you'll be signing up for interminable wallowing with no objective....
All that said, I would be remiss if I didn't say that you can't sweat the "shoulds". I've said it before, but so many times I think we all get caught up in doing stuff because we feel like we "should" which a lot of times means we're doing it for reasons other than our own intrinsic desire.....
See you in St. George!
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
No one gets out of here alive - might as pack as much cool sh*t as you can. Leave the couch-sitting and getting fat to others - that ain't you. You can rest when you are dead.
Mr. Stark, I challenge you to look at each workout and say "let's see what I can do today." Muscles know what to do.
I know I've had my own lame a** days, where I wanted to sit on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's.* I've liked those days best, when I kicked my own butt, got off the couch, and did something, even if my body was aching with stress. And then I fed myself fish and vegetables. And sometimes those workouts totally sucked, but 60% or even 20% are always better than 0%.
And if you aren't riding, who am I going to get to absolutely crush me on the bike when boyfriend and I transplant to Norcal in a few years?
*So, this haus completely ruined eating pints of ice creams. Curses, ice cream time trial!
John,
I was wondering about your lack of participation lately and had a feeling you were in the midst of the grieving process. You are a very powerful force in this community and we need you just as much as you need us.
I don't think there's much I can add to what everyone else has already written, but know this, the OS, IMSG, training in general, it's part of who you are, but there are also times when you need to step away. Whether it's a day or two, a week, a month, there are times you need to rejuvinate yourself.
You may have already done that or you may need to do some more. But when you decide to have at it, do it full force because you love it. You love the hurt it brings, you love the feeling of accomplishment after finishing a ball busting workout. You love how it makes you stronger, mentally and physically.
You deserve a lot of credit for putting yourself out there and letting us all in.
Would your brother want you to check out for a year, or would he want you to train to finish IMSG with him as your one thing?
I'd be really pissed if I didn't get to ride with you again during ToC.
Dave
Hi John-
First, I am sorry for your loss. Thankfully, I still have all my siblings, but did lose my Dad this past February. I don't know your relationship with your brother, but only 3 weeks out I think you are entitled to a "lack of motivation". This whole grieving process is something you have to feel your way through. Like Linda says- can't go around it!!
I miss my Dad every single day. Since his death, some of the times I feel him the most are during my workouts. Particularly on my long runs, as that is when I reach for his spirit for perserverance.
I'll leave it to your workout pals to get after you with the stick. Me, I'll just tell ya to be good to your heart and do what feels right at the moment.
Gina
Good luck...and let us know how we can help.
John,
First some feely stuff: a loss as big as that cannot be ignored. I received the gift of faith again when I met my wife and I'm so grateful for that. I know that losing someone means they are in a better place and do not struggle with this life's issues any longer. I tell my kids that it's like their best day...everyday. There is comfort in that.
Second: Exercise is a great anti-depressant. When I was simultaneously going through a divorce and had a house in distress I used my bike as my drug of choice to get in the best shape of my life. It's good for the body and the mind.
So....get off your ass and train.
Vince
I'm convinced that riding bikes (inlcuding the motorized kind) give us the feelings power and freedom, when sometimes life isn't making us feel so powerful and free.
So to quote a couple of knucklehead coaches, "Get on the bike!" Maybe leave the pm at home a few times. Get that bike love back.
Good luck.
Grieving is a process--a long one at times...so try not to judge yourself too much when you're going through it or put a time goal on it (as in: it's been x weeks, I should be over it). Time goals have there place in IM, but not one's emotions.
Okay, mushy stuff done. I say if you do bail out on OS and IMSG, then you MUST show up at mile 18 on the run of IMMoo in pink speedo and afro to keep Coach Rich company. Why? Cuz I said so! See? now St. George is looking better and better, ain't it?!
Oh- I totally second this!!!! You asked for a stick- I'd say that's a pretty big one!!!
The pink speedo thought just made me throw up in my mouth a little...
Vince
First of all, my deepest sympathies to you & your family for losing your brother at such a young age. I honestly cannot imagine going through that and can completely understand your feelings.
Having said that, you asked for a STICK, so ...
You, my friend, are the November OS team motivator. You may or may not have wanted to be that, but that doesn't matter. The simple fact is you are. You are the one that we try to emulate in terms of power, IF, etc in our workouts. That is definitely true for me.
So you simply cannot just give up on your team for the year. You owe it to the team to go out there and CRUSH it every week, and guide, cajole, harass others into CRUSHING it too.
Bottom line - By bailing out of the OS, or even letting up just a little and not CRUSHING it every time, you are not only letting yourself down, but you are letting your team down. We need you.
First off, I am really sorry about your lost. I can't even imagine what you might be going through.
My only problem with this is the following:
Rreally? what are you doing trying to ruin my Ironman St George? I have been looking forward to meeting as many ENers as possible at IMSG; but now you are talking about dropping out and ruining my big chance at meeting one of the constant voices at EN? I am pretty sure my Ironman day would be ruined if you are a no show. Yes, I know this post is suppose to be about you, but it is really about me!
Please don't ruin my big day
Hope to see you there.
Wei
Stark-
Not sure if it was older or younger brother, but consider me the "other" brother! I went through OS last year with ya and through IMCDA with you this year! Not only did you MAKE me set up the dinner for the team you were the source of unrelenting posts as to how you were getting faster and looking forward to the race. You made me work harder and it worked!
I am not sure where you live, but I can find it. I am not sure where you run, but I can find it! I am not sure where you ride, but I can find it! Needless to say....if your ASS is not on the bike sucking Glynn's wheel by sundown tomorrow I am going to sick the dogs on you BIG ( and getting bigger) WHITE BUTT!
Not going to look for where you swim but I will firebomb your favorite donut shop!!
Ogle
"Official John Stark ASS WHOOPING Club, president"
Pour all the emotion into the bike and run work. Feed off of it, let it power you through the down times. I'm sure your brother would kick your a$$ if he thought you were slacking.
John,
You are definitely a positive force on this board. My experience is that not taking the time to grieve is a problem. At 19 my father passed away and I went back and wrote a test in university 5 days later and got 82. It took me some time (years) to deal with this his death take that week or two or..
As for the stick here it is...
If you feel good just get out there and hammer as others have said exercise helps create a positive mental attitude. Don't feel you need to for any other reason than to hold off those others charging at your FTP. So get your a$$ out there and hammer away!
Having said that I will put the carrot out there for you as well in the spirit of EN challenges. Your FTP on 11/3 was 267, my FTP on 11/10 was 180. You have been in the Haus for awhile and I am new so my increases should be easier come by. I see your goal is to hit the 300 club that's a 12.3% increase. My goal is 20% increase or 216. I'll spot you another 5% on top of that so 225w for me.
That's a 75 watt difference. So the game if you close that difference to less than 75 watts, what ever we end up at, I go to IMWI and join Rich pink and all out on the course. Unless Rich does not want me stealing his thunder I can head to CDA but that would not seem right. It's about a 17 hour drive for me but doable. What do you have to do, just train!
Oh yes the stick knowing that a former pansy figure skater kicked your a$$ in the OS.
Let me know if the game is on...
Gordon
John,
Hate to break it to you but as you said you are a big boy, well not as big as you used to be but you get the point. The stick, get off your ass and work thing is not going to help any more that the touchy stuff you got last week. Just like out there at the line, it is you and all you. It comes from within, it has to. What is that old quote, "you can quit and no one will care but you will always know". In life, much like racing, we are all essentially out there alone on the road in the dark. Life is not a team sport. You just need to decide what is and what is not important to you. Losing your brother is not a good reason to crawl into a hole and quit but it is a really good reason to feel like you want to. But then I don't even have a brother so what the hell do I know. You wanna continue to play, we'll play with you. You want out, just try not to get too fat. That will just make it harder when you decide you want back in.
You blow off the OS and IMSG, you think a year from now you are gonna look back and think it was the right call?
Come to Trainer Tuesdays at Simons for a Group Hug
tom
Rumor has it, he also waxed his back and chest. John is super-aero man. He's trying to get as aero as possible in order to catch his mojo, which is speeding down the road at approx 23 - 24 mph. With a few hard intervals with Tom, I believe John will be able to catch his mojo
WOW! Thanks for all the kind words and "Stick" beating! I truly appreciate it.
1 - I put this out there cuz one thing I learned over the years is that I need to make myself accountable. Just part of my personality. Just like when I signed up for my first Ironman. I shouted it to the world so if I ever wanted to quit I would know that I was letting myself and a lot of other people down who were supporting me. Too easy to bail when I am in the background. Probably why I ended up doing it on a broken foot.
2 - Yep, I know it is all about me. I have to pull myself up by the boot straps and get going. But having the feedback from others to get going is big for me. You guys have no idea.
3 - I am feeling the mojo come back slowly. Taking one workout at a time
5 - Yes, I will grieve but I can't let it stop my life. I WILL have "moments" but that is all they should be. Maybe it's a guy thing? Or just me? But I am tired of being sad and need to start doing positive things to get positive feelings. Eating healthier and getting the WORK done are just two of the things that will help. I have many aspects of my life to help me.
6 - Gordon, GAME ON!
Let's make this happen! I WILL get to 300 watts. Can you get to 225? Now that I have you and David Ambrose hunting me down. I better get busy.
7 - Mr. Ambrose and Mr. McMahon - IIIIIII'MMMMMMM BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!
Thanks again everyone! You have helped immensely with me not bailing and having to wear a pink Speedo at IMWI next year.
John