Injury and depression stink
Hey all. I know most of you do not know who I am but I've have been part of EN for about 9 months. It's a great group and I love reading all of the posts. Recently I have fallen off the bandwagon though. I've had lots of extended family stuff go on to where I was not getting sleep etc. It pushed me into a dark space. On top of that I injured my quad and could not do anything. Running hurt, biking hurt, swimming hurt and even sitting at my desk at work hurt. So I got a double wammy. I've had to postpone a half marathon and do absolutely nothing. No work outs, nothing. I took my family to Tampa, FL last week and just enjoyed the time away from everything. While there I found myself. I found that it's ok to take a break. My body was telling me to chill out. I know @Coach Patrick probably has been like what are you doing or more like not doing. But most importantly it's ok mentally to step away. To not think about the training plan or what you missed etc. So I have re-calibrated my training plans. It's not the end of the world. I will have to work my way back into shape but I have to be smart about it. I am not sure if others have gone through this but I do know there is light on the other side. Keep moving forward!
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Joshua, sorry to hear about the family stuff and the injury. I went through something similar last year, and I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has. I came off a great 70.3 season and was looking forward to building on a great season of training, then a recurring lower back injury sidelined me for several months. I kept trying to get back into training prematurely and kept re-injuring it. I finally just wrote off the whole season, took a mental break, focused my mental energy on other stuff that was going on with my family at that time, and came back when the time was right. I've been back at it for 7 months now and have regained every bit of fitness I'd lost and am excited and looking forward to race again this year. Listen to your body and your heart. They'll tell you what the right thing to do is.
Sometimes stuff out of our control and even in our control happens and there isn't much, if anything we can do about it. The time, attention, and work to fix, repair, heal, etc... is what it is and we have to do our best to not do stupid things to speed the process, making it worse often. And the hardest part, accepting things for what they are and where we are in our physical and mental abilities is the biggest barrier to recovering.
Last year I was having the best success I've ever had. Particularly running after starting to use Stryd. Crushing PRs at all distances. BQ by 12 minutes. 15 second mile PR during a 1.5 mile Stryd power test. The list goes on. Then 7 weeks out from IMMD in the middle of a run, without warning I suffered a massive hamstring injury ending my ability to run at all. After building training over 8 months for 1 race, IMMD, having a legit shot at a KQ, and then facing the prospect of not racing at all or walking the marathon in the blink of an eye was difficult to deal with. 2 weeks from the race I was still leaning toward filling the insurance to get my entry fee back. But ended up racing. Had to back off on the swim and bike in hopes of doing some form of running. End up having a really good day and surprisingly PR'd the distance and finishing 10th in AG with a slow jog marathon with little walking.
I put up a pretty good hamstring injury help request thread that could be worth reading.
But wait, theres more! Following IMMD the hamstring injury recovery came along nicely and I was able to run again with reduced pain and about a month after was back to being able to run pretty much where I was at prior to the injury for the most part and started setting up this years race calendar with big plans and goals. A huge PR at Boston, reagin my title as NC Triathlon Series Champion (that I didn't race for in 2019), earn my 3rd AG win at White Lake Half Iron, and on and on. Things were looking great. Then on Dec 2nd I was mauled by a dog and literally had my face ripped off. With the most extensive damage to my mouth. Ended up spending time in the hospital and having reconstructive surgery to put my face back together and close the gaps where pieces were literally ripped out. This will be a long and difficult recovery. I'm back to working out at a decent volume, but at much slower speeds running and lower power on the bike. Endurance is pretty much non-existent but sorta coming back. Swimming is surprisingly difficult because of how much you use your mouth. You don't realize how much you use your mouth and face when working out because its just natural and you don't even think about it. Taking a drink out of your bottle and having half of it run down your face because you mouth doesn't work right is fun. So having to learn to drink different and eat different while running has been a bit of a challenge. And your face takes a surprising amount of abuse, particularly running. The amount of up and down movement the structure of your face endures with each foot fall, you don't notice, until you can't not notice it. Just look at some peoples race photos where their face is all distorted and stretched when the photographer catches them at the right moment. I still don't know if I will run Boston as thats a lot of time and money for what will be a long day of not running fast. The money could probably be better spent elsewhere in training and recovery. But we will see.
It is what it is and I've accepted it. Don't really have another choice. Picked a half iron in September for my 'come back' race to focus on and build toward over the year. Without a target and goal race, I can't focus and concentrate training. And then doing IMNC 70.3 in October with friends coming in from out of state for a fun race and party weekend. And have a sprint at the end of May thats in my backyard that I always like to do since its literally just a few miles from my house.
@Joshua Green great post, perspective, and attitude. No your not alone, unfortunately little injuries and sometimes not so little injuries are all part of the game. That is the thing to remember, it is just a game. Take care of yourself, your family, and get healthy. Whatever race/event you missed or want to do isn't going anywhere and will be there when you are ready.
@Joshua Green thanks for sharing this.
I deal with depression and anxiety on an almost daily basis and it is fucking brutal at times. I also took off time from endurance sports and had a tremendous feeling of guilt when I did. It was as if I was a pro and I was letting down sponsors or my millions of social media follow.
These are the things helped me, maybe it will help you as well.
And lastly, do exactly what you are doing here. Talk about it. Be open and honest. Let yourself be vulnerable. It's a beautiful thing. And if you ever want to chat, I am here for a good ol' venting session. You are not alone here, there are a lot of us out there. Just ask for the help and you'll get it.
@John Katsoudas @Brian Terwilliger @tim cronk @Patrick Large, guys I cannot thank you enough. I know this is a topic that is not talked about very much but your words and what you are going through inspires me. I am grateful for you sharing as I know that is difficult. @Brian Terwilliger we need to meet up in Wilmington as I am signed up for that. If you are near Greensboro/Burlington area let me know. We can meet up sometime. I've always felt this was a special community when I came on board last year and this proves it. I will ease back into things this week with a swim today. Hopefully pain free.
Lastly, @Patrick Large you are right. Talking about it is freeing. I so appreciate that. I am praying and thinking about you guys in your own recovery and renewal. That's where I am. I am renewing myself. Have a great day!
Hi Josh,
You would be surprised at how many people use this group for mental support. They share their stories of good times and not so good times. It makes me humble, grateful and love being a part of this team even more than I already do. They are honest and it is a beautiful thing. You made the right choice to post your feelings here. This team can help.
Take care and know you are not alone. You have friends here with the same experiences and more.
@Virginia Edmonds I agree 100%. I live in the Netherlands now and the Dutch take mental health, super seriously.
As an American it's super foreign as the american way seems to be "fuck you, toughen up, and push on".
What I have found in my our exploration into "self" is that he more you share and the more open you are about it, the better it is. It because more manageable on a daily basis
I've seen it all in my ten years of IM training. Al Truscott recently convinced me that when I get to the legacy qualifier, I should go to Kona, because my path to 12 was no easy feat. I didn't want to go unless i KQ because I know if I am healthy and lean, i have a shot.
so the path.
did IM #1 in 2010, #2 & #3 in 2011
in 2012 I decided to follow the "seek medical advice before embarking on a strenuous exercise plan." advice that is out there and saw a cardiologist who mis-diagnosed me with a cardiac ailment 5 weeks before Mont Tremblant. it took over a year to figure out and I had to detrain (sit on the couch) for 9 months to help the process.
In 2015, I herniated a disc IN Lake Placid, 3 days before the race. I was loading my car and driving out of town on Sunday morning when i heard the gun go off.
In 2018, I had a bike crash, took me out for that year.
had a good 2019/20 but have been hampered by a chronic hammy issue that I think I finally have under control (PRP injections that required 6 weeks of downtime and PT)
what's the point of talking about me? just showing you the resiliency one can build up and that you can come back, better and stronger. My mistakes during the down times were to depression eat and make every excuse to eat badly. Focus on eating super healthy. Focus on what you CAN do.. can you do a strong half hour walk every day with your wife or kids? on a Treddy? can you do upper body strength with weights? have you seen a good PT/physiatrist that can get you going on a strength building program to heal your ills and make you a stronger frame to then do Tri training on top of?
Step 1 is recognizing the problem
Step 2 is asking for help
you are way ahead of where I was in many of my down times by recognizing the above.. now make something of it and keep using the team here at EN to help you motivate!
@Joshua Green The one thing that helps when dealing with the demons of an injury is to have a Tribe you can lean on. It helps to feel connected. Being an athlete means injuries will come, whether from crashing or overuse or whatever.
When I had some nasty crashes I really missed my TRI Community, so I dealt with it by volunteering at local races. After awhile that got old but it did help. Watching a race from the sidelines gives a new perspective on WHY people do this.
No doubt exercise helps with depression. Just being outside and hiking or power walking can help. Right now you don't need to to train, just keep moving for the joy it brings your mind.
Wow, @Sheila Leard just nailed it. These get my 100% endorsement:
Thanks for your perspective Sheila... these are directed towards Josh, yes, but everyone is listening.
Thanks @Sheila Leard , @Virginia Edmonds and everyone. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in this. I appreciate everyone who has shared and I know there are more. I feel in my heart this is an area that is not talked about enough in this sport. I am grateful for a supportive community to where I felt comfortable to share. It says a lot about each one of you and others in this community. Your feedback is a blessing as I have really taken it to heart. I am grateful to wake up each morning and hug my family. That's the bottom line for me. I'll keep you posted on my progress as I start to get back into running or walking if I have to. Again, thanks to each one of you. I hope you know how grateful I am to you.
thanks for sharing.
Folks have shared all the important stuff.
I spoke about my most recent issues in my last race report.
for me, when depression flares, I have to force myself to turn outwards. reach out to friends, family, teammates, etc. go to events. mix up the outdoor activities. etc.
Well, started running again, in the pool. Much harder than you think but without any pain. So thankful for all of your comments and suggestions. The days are getting brighter. One day at a time.
Awesome! Congratulations @Joshua Green. Aquajogging can be a great workout.
message when I try to login.
Hey @Joshua Green apparently some folks are having problems with the forum. It seems to be working fine for me so far. Coach P. posted the following note on the main dashboard page. Hopefully this helps you:
Hey folks the forums are acting up. If you can't get in, try to edit the URL you are following to remove the "sso?Target=/" segment like this: https://endurancenation.vanillacommunities.com/Categories/micro-thread-forum
Works from home computer, but not work computer (just keep getting to the main landing page, after logging in. when i click on forums, just keeps taking me back to the same landing page)
I had to change browsers to get back on the forums. Seems that an update in Chrome causes me to be able to login.
Quick update, ran 4.25 miles today with no pain. Starting to feel like new again only this time I am not rushing it. I hope everyone is staying safe and keep moving forward.