IMSG Race Report
While walking in just the fourth mile of the marathon, I happened to touch my singlet at the bottom of my rib cage. The crusty dry feeling made me look down to notice what appeared to be a salty sweat pattern. Not something I am accustomed to at all personally, but something I’ve certainly seen plenty of on others. It wasn’t until some minutes later that I realized that might mean that I had I sweat more than I realized on the bike.
It’s hard to describe how crappy I felt on the run. Each time I ran, I felt a little lightheaded and a little sick to my stomach. Nothing suggested that I would puke. But I did get concerned that I might fall over. I keep associating the fear of falling with my fall last year, but I know now that on Saturday I was underfed and dehydrated and therefore wasn’t able to use the fitness that I’d built, and at that point my ninja plan for execution didn't matter.
Onward into the marathon, which I’d resigned to walking if I had to, I started a light but steady approach to consuming some calories and salt. A couple of sips of Gatorade, about a quarter cup of chicken broth. Then ice cubes. Then again with the Gatorade and broth progression. At the halfway point as I rounded the traffic circle in town I started running. I ran an easy pace that felt doable, and paid no attention to my Garmin. I still struggled. I wanted to walk heading up Diagonal, but told myself to wait until the hill heading up to the Elks lodge.
When I picked up my bike after finally crossing the finish line, I immediately noticed that I’d barely ingested even a quarter of my Infinit from my Speedfil. Unbelievable, but as I thought about the early part of the day it made sense.
Though the swim started out being fun for me—yes, I really did make an initial mental note that I was having fun—somewhere between the second and third turn buoys I got cold. After the third buoy, my legs were starting to cramp from hip to calf as I kicked. What an odd feeling. I imagined that I was swimming with stilts attached to my legs. Not ideal, I thought, but I can still kick. Then the shore just seemed to stay fixed in the distance, not getting any closer.
Out of the water and into the change tent I set in with convulsive shivering. The volunteer who helped me dress asked me repeatedly if I was OK as she tried to get my socks on to my ice-block feet. As I watched her I thought I was watching her put socks on someone else’s feet. Then came the gloves and the lovely woman said, “I feel like I’m dressing a small child who won’t hold still.” We laughed. Then I went out and mounted my bike. I felt stunned and scared of how cold I would feel as I went on.
Once on the bike, I noticed that the Sand Hollow water that I’d swallowed was sloshing around my stomach; not a nice feeling. I couldn’t fathom putting any more liquid in there. So I decided to wait to ingest anything. It seemed that almost as soon as that particular ill feeling had subsided I started to get the shimmery line across my left eye like I have gotten before getting migraines in the past. I couldn’t see well at that point, and frankly I was scared. Luckily I’d packed a caffeinated Clif Shot. If it was a migraine, I’d hit it with caffeine. As I was taking in my gel and water the top half of the straw from my Aero Drink bottle popped off and hit the ground. I stopped to go back and get it and heard Carrie yell back to me asking if I was OK.
At that point I may have been OK. After that what I remember most about the bike was how people would pass me then coast. Whenever this would happen I would back off my goal watts. I questioned how I was supposed to deliver an even paced ride having to slow down for this sort of behavior. At times I'd get blocked and decide to pass a few folks, but as I did so I knew I was probably not supposed to be riding that way. That's probably how I ended up with an abyssmal 1.11 VI on the day. I knew it would be bad as I was riding and knew this would be a lesson for future races. I also remember the wind picking up. It was a warm wind, which should have been a reminder that I wasn’t drinking my nutrition. But on I went.
During the second descent into town, I distinctly remember wanting to pull off the road, get off my bike and lay down. I also recall one of those jerky head movements that often comes at the moments that we are most desperate to not doze off to sleep. At that point I started eating my emergency stash of Honey Stinger Energy Chews and washing them down with water. Why I didn’t hit the Infinit is beyond me. At that point it wouldn’t have made a difference though. I’d already been working inside a really tiny box and there wouldn’t have been anything I could’ve done to make that space bigger. My norm power for the day was 130; 18 watts lower than my goal watts. Again, I knew it was going to be low based on the number of times I had to slow down, and based on the fact that I slowed down significantly when I started to feel my worst.
By the time I got to the run my “one thing” was threadbare. I’d stretched it, cried on it, blew a few snot rockets at it, and was now walking on it. Slowly. I couldn’t even pull out a fast walk, and I'm generally a fast walker! I don’t know if I’d have persevered if it hadn’t been for my commitment to see the event through to the finish line just to put a cap on my year. I had never felt the way I felt in any Ironman ever and I did want to stop.
Laying in the ER on 5/1/09, my stomach sunk, thinking that the Ironman I’d signed up for just weeks before hand might not happen. That I made it happen is triumph for me in one way. That I did it and was disappointed with my uncharacteristic lack of attentiveness to nutrition, a marathon walked not run, and a time that is over 2 hours off my previous slowest IM time is proof that I have yet to fully accept the growth that I’d thought I’d opened up to as a result of what I went through. While I am fully responsible for what I didn't do nutrition wise on the bike, I think I was meant to have a day like that on course. It played out as it needed to for me to accept the accomplishment alone, final time not withstanding.
Thanks to all of you for your support during this training cycle! This is such a great team!
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Comments
Olivia,
Tough year, but one hell of a comeback. Congrats on getting it done. Not your best time, but maybe your best year of training based on what you went through.
Dave
Holy cow, Olivia. What a tough day and what a graceful way to make it through. As I'm reading your report, I'm thinking of Paula Newby-Fraser and all of those crazy peeps who set out to do Ironman the first couple rounds. Despite all technology and training, this race seemed to require more heart and ironman will that any one I've seen.
Olivia,
You've got to be one of the toughest people I've met. I'm still not sure I understand how it is that you didn't walk off that course. Your inner fire burns strong, and the sheer number of things you've overcome in the last year is truly an inspiration.
Recently, on a cold, wet ride which lasted all of 2.5 hours, I came home shivering, numb, and defeated, and complained to my wife that it had to have been one of the worst rides I've ever been on. I told her that there was not one moment of enjoyment in it for me, and I wished I hadn't gone. Well, your performance out there makes me feel like a mamma's boy!
Screw the time, IMSG was a time bomb for near everyone (I'm working up a separate post on that). That finish out there, given the circumstances you found yourself in (unable to consume calories as planned, still gritting it out), is a real victory.
Mike
Wow, Olivia. Just wow. Something tells me that your (eloquently written) race report doesn't even begin to touch on the dark places you must have gone into and come out of on race day. I'm going to think about your story when I'm doubtlessly suffering during IMFL, and tell myself to not be such a sissy. Your time is irrelevant - you made it through both the training and the race. Now it's time to get on with your life and have some non-tri related fun! Congratulations, my friend - you are one tough cookie!
Despite it all...you got it done! Congrats!!
P
Strong work Olivia. That just sounds plan horrible. You remind us all of why this is an ENDURANCE challenge. Rest up!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Matt
Olivia,
That is one of the best race reports I've ever read. I am seriously moved by your perspective of the race and by everyone's comments. You should feel extremely proud of your accomplishments as they are truly amazing. Seriously!
Matt
AMEN!!!!!!
Once again Olivia- you have shown us what a class act you are! For ALL of you at IMSG (those who had to pull the plug, and those who pushed through to finish) you have set the bar very very high for the rest of us this year. I can only hope to live up to the standard.
AMEN, sistah!
I KNOW I could not have finished that race after the swim. I'm not just saying that either. I hope in time you truly internalize and continue to make manifest in all areas of your life the power, grace, and tenacity you brought to that day. There's a template for life in what you experienced and overcame in one single day. The power of it is humbling to us all.
What I hope for you now is some FUN!!! The accident was horrific. What can be said about the fallout and ongoing repair and healing? The training was often not fun. There is very little about that day that sounded like fun. You have been through the crucible, come out the other side, and now I hope some ease, joy, and merry making finds its way to you. That, and a few good beers.
Love and huge congratulations!
XOXOX,
LP
Olivia,
Just thinking about that cold water gave me shivers!! And then to get on the bike and freeze somemore takes a lot of determination and mental toughness!! Thanks for sharing how tough it really was and lessons learned. It scares me a bit, because I have no idea what I am getting into with IMWI...it will be my first IM. You are amazing....you finished!! Congratulations many times over!
Olivia
Huge props to you girl!! I hate cold water and hate being cold while biking almost as much. You have such strength of character to get it done and finish what you set out to do despite so many obstacles. I will be thinking of your strength when it gets tough for me in LP.
Great report and I hope you enjoy some downtime!
CONGRATS!!!!
My hat is off to you.
Every day we meet new people. Every once in a while, with a little bit of luck, we meet truly amazing people. You are one of those truly amazing people. I can not imagine the effort and mental fortitude it must have taken to keep pushing on. Congratulations and fantastic work. Your perseverance will help many other people accomplish their dreams this year.
Pete
As I continue to think about my day the more I have realized how much of a hole I created with my lack of nutrition plan execution. I seriously do not know what was going on in my head to make me not execute that piece of my day. Last night I did the math on the total calories that I did take in on the bike. Holy crap. It was probably about 600 calories. I'm not kidding. I'm so counting my blessings that I got through the way I did. Honestly. Even my husband is dumfounded. I'm usually ALL over him for having and following a nutrition plan for his long MTB rides. So we are in awe that I would have so completely ignored that. I guess it could have been the result of not having all of my faculties in order due to brain freeze, but man...it scares the crap out of me to imagine what could have happened. This finish took on a whole new significance...Ugh!
The only other thing is....I have learned that when you walk a good portion of the marathon your legs aren't nearly as sore the week after! Interesting.
Again, this team is THE BEST!
Olivia,
Nice to meet you in St. George. Unfortunately it was a tough day, but I'm glad you made it through. Time to put your feet up for a while and then go looking for another race. Best wishes!
Tom
You just reached right out of the screen and squeezed my heart. Olivia, you have so much of what it takes to get through an Ironman. The most significant thing, you have HEART. That is what got you through. I am so happy for you and so proud of you!! Enjoy what you've accomplished!
Olivia.... I had no idea you were struggling out on the course. You looked composed and present every time I saw you. Great job slogging through. Your story over the past year has been inspiring! It was great to meet you in St. George and thanks for being a commmitted Oct. Out Season Peep!
Olivia,
I got teary eyed reading your report. You are a tough SOB (pardon my language but it indicates my passion for your situation). I would have quit in the water AND I have lots of insulation on me. To quote Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements: Do the best you can with what you have on any given day...and then there are no regrets. You did that. That was the best you had, under those circumstances, on that day. Some days you are the windshield...other days you are the bug. Regardless of your finishing time: you were the windshield.
Vince