Becky- Thoughts go out to you during this tough time. But from what you've said, it sounds like it's been well thought out. Re: FTP, remember that it's all relative to your size, aerodynamics, etc. Don't be concerned with comparing your numbers to anyone else's.
Sheryl- I just remembered that the site I use to rent out library books for my Nook also does a ton of audiobooks. Check out Overdrive. My local library contracts reciprocity with the Chicago Public Library, which uses Overdrive. Check and see if you have access somehow! Great, and a total money-saver!
Beth- I feel your sickness pain, I've been sick the last two days from a cold I'm sure I picked up on NYE.
Sounds like everyone is getting back into the OS and I'm jealous. But since I started November OS I do have some base-ish numbers I might use if I have to scrap too much of this week cause of the cold.
@Sheryl - I can't believe I missed the new job mention! Yikes...I apparently skipped that paragraph in your post. HOORAY! That's great news! I'll keep you posted re: the cleanse, too... finishing up the book, taking notes, etc. I have a friend who's a homeopath and I dropped her a note today to ask a few questions... and I'm gonna talk to a woman in my office who did a cleanse relatively recently (not sure what kind she did - but I know she started off grouchy and ended up elated... which is pretty much how the author of the article I read felt - and the author of the book says it goes).
@Beth - yay fun dates and afternoon texting! Someone is smitten!!! That's wonderful! Feel better, hope you have a great half mary this weekend!
Have I mentioned I'm totally worried about the 5k test tomorrow... what's worst is I'll probably have to do it on a treadmill bc it will be dark before/after work and there aren't many non-stop routes I can use in those conditions (I generally test at Hains Point, but that'll be closed). OR I could go to the high school track but that will be just as mind numbing as a dreadmill... argh!
and thanks for the virtual hugs. yes, I've had doubts about Dan for a few months now. But I always thought it was just me being apprehensive bc I'm not a good dater and I worry about settling/ending up like my parents. It started off so well, him being sweet and supportive. Then we just settled into an "old married couple" routine. Part of it may have been my surgery and PT... just a few months in then jumping into crazy training... and my drinking the EN Kool-aid. But at the core, I don't know how well we communicated. I never felt like Dan shared information with me... And one of you ladies sent me a PM that kinda summed it up for me - a lightbulb moment.: I'm not sure if he considered me an equal or respected me.
You what really gets me? Before the holidays the 2 things he mentioned as troubling him were: the sex (my lack of drive), and my cats (didn't know if he could handle litter boxes, and litter and cat fur in his pristine house)... the sex I could understand bc i have been distant (have reasons for that) but the cats really struck a chord. I mean really, he's known I had cats for a loooooong time... He also mentioned that he felt the appropriate level of affection for me as a girlfriend (yes, he really said that... talk about clinical engineer speak), but didn't know if he could get past those things to take it to the next level; he's sort of at a plateau. But we ended the convo saying we'd keep the lines of communication open and keep trying. But after seeing a movie, and holding hands in the theater Sunday (Black Swan is really gripping, btw) we have a random blow up in the car on the ride home about something totally, totally stupid... then we get home and he launches the talk. Long story short, he said he didn't know if he could love me/take it to the next level. That kind of floored me. Granted, I've had doubts about our future and I've been confused but I never said never because at the core I think he's a good person and I care about him... so that really, really got to me. As I think about it more, it upsets me more because at some point this past summer, when we had our first sort of serious conversation along these lines (that he cuts me off and seems to disregard things I say or advice I give to people about training/racing - I remember it like it was yesterday) I pretty much told him that if he didn't think we had a future he should let me know. At our age we shouldn't just be dating to date... and he agreed. So for him to drop that on me after 15 mos, after both of us meeting each other's families (and traveling across the country to do so), and after making all sorts of plans (some of which involve hotel reservations) kind of upset me. Anyway, after all of that, I said I would send an email canceling our party Saturday and he seemed surprised I'd want to do that. Huh? Really? Why would we co-host a party after we break up? And although my coat was on I said I should get my things - but he blew that off, too. So, what the heck does that mean. Are we breaking up or what? So, I haven't canceled the party - but I've let my core friends know about the situation and that I'm not sure if it's on or where it will be. In all likelihood I'll have it in my condo - which would be fine if it weren't for the 500lb tv on my coffee table). But, hey, they're friends and they should understand. Maybe I'll put a sheet over it and a star on top and that could be our christmas tree for the re-gift exchange (the theme for the party is to regift something).
So, that's it in a nutshell. Sorry to blather. I've been off and on weepy a bit this afternoon. I think it's for the best. I've had my doubts. But despite all the doubts, Dan is a wonderful man. Can be very sweet and generous. I could count on him. Even if he didn't get me hot and bothered (even in our wine and roses period) I could live with the flaws, I think. And I always thought back to advice from my friend Peggy (something her now husband said to her) - that Dan is who I wanted to be with me on the Tuesdays in February.
Thank goodness it's time to train again. I need some stability in my life! Training is my drug.
Becky- my heart goes out to you. I wish I could make it all better. Uggh. Steve and I had lots of tough spots before we got married. LOTS! I can say though that we both totally respected the other person and have always gotten "hot and bothered" with eachother, ha! the things that bugged me about him now don't bother me one bit. Isn't that weird? Like he LOVES TV. Could sit useless for hours in front of it. Guess who loves TV now? YUP...ME! Oh brother. Living with him once we got married made me see how hard he does work when he WORKS. Like Yardwork. Insane, will work like a workhorse for HOURS and then come in to the TV. I never realized that as we were dating. I totally see why he needs to veg out. He is so intense when he is working.
Anyway. Just sharing that sometimes what bothers you now .....may not later. Once you see the whole picture.
Regarding the Cleanse. I loved my cleanse. 28 days to health. Look it up online.
Becky- Sorry to hear about Dan. It does sound very confusing. We all know that breaking up is the pits. Being hot and bothered does not last forever, but it is important early on and part of the foundation building. Settling is not worth it.
As for your FTP, I agree that comparing you to me is apple and oranges. My point is to let you know where I started from, and that was after a year in da haus as a HR athlete. I thought I worked hard until I got a PM. It changes the definition of work- FOR REAL!
I am still in my job and being pretty zen about things. As those on FB know, I turned down my merit raise and requested another week of vacation instead. Boss loved the idea. Admin was much less pleased. Told me "Nope. Never been done. Can't be done". I politely gave them the name of my former co-worker (changed departments) and how it was done for her. Now they admit it's been done but "that was in a contract negotiation. This is different."
I didn't say it but I thought- so basically I have to threaten to quit to "negotiate" my contract. Interesting. Instead, I said " we are always talking about work/ life balance. I am not asking for more money. I am telling you this is what I need for better balance." (In my head adding- or is that just a bunch of BS talk from admin?) So I asked the admin person in my department (who probably could care less) to go over the head of the person giving a "no" answer. Then I called my direct boss and told him that I was getting a negative on my request and if he still supported the idea, would he please put in his 2 cents. He has agreed to stand up for me. So we'll see what happens.
OK- with OS start, I need to get to bed earlier. Hang tough ladies!
Hi Girls, Kind of confusing because I posted a long response to Becky on December post but then sent a 'message' to her and (thanks Becky for writing back). My heart really goes out to you and it is so good there are so many loving and caring girls on this forum. He sounds like a good evader and is afraid of being "the one" to make the big call (e.g. not cancelling the party or future committed plans). My thoughts are in total agreement with you on the more or less passive aggressive cat comment. I mean come on, you are right he knew about the cat litter from day one and it is a bit of a "chicken" excuse. I shared a lot on the December forum board and so those that didn't read that (my bad) might think this is a bit bold and jumping in fast but I think there is a big elephant in the room and you are the only one really talking about it in the here and now. I was in a very long relationship and was treated very badly for a long time (you are not being treated in the way I am referring here) but for myself I was sooooo afraid of being alone that I stayed until I was strong enough to end it. Kind of like an alcoholic who denies they have a drinking problem, always being defensive but knowing inside that one actually has a drinking problem. With "real patients" or friends I say go ahead and say you are an "alcoholic", "food aholic", "shop aholic" or whatever..... it doesn't mean you have to quit drinking (or doing the behavior) but at least each time you drink or drink too much it is harder and harder to "swollow" but sitting in the truth until you are ready for action is at least a step toward progress.So essentially staying in the relationship until you feel "ready enough" to make a more committed "change". What I am trying to say is we often know the "answer" but just not ready to take any action, contemplating is still an action, admitting to self "i do have a problem" but I am just not ready to do anything about it yet.
I like a process I call the" A B C list". I make a list in the A group that consists of traits or realities that are absolutely non-negotiable (non-negotiable means that we are not, no matter what willing to negotiate. B is a very strong list but we could negotiate the items on the "B" list if we had to and C is "it would be nice", so C could be "it would be nice if my significant other liked triathlons, or it would be nice if my partner liked picnics, like theater or whatever, but I could take it or leave it if they didn't. B is I would never marry someone with an ex-wife or ex-husband to deal with but if everything was right I could negotiate that (or step kids or something similar). "A "might be, my significant other must be a Christian or have faith in some higher power, meaning I would never negotiate that, so even if he/she was drop dead gorgeous, weatlhty, educated or whatever if he or she was not a Christian (or some kind of faith), it woud be friendiship from then on no matter what. What happens is we make a list and then start negotiating our "A" list and then all of a sudden there is no "A" list and we start bargaining or negotiating everything. So if on your "A" list is your cats, (by the way my doggies would be on my "A" list ) so no matter what if I found out on my first or second date that my date hated DOGS I couldn't negotiate. So I wouldn't consider a long-term relatiionship NO MATTER WHAT
Sometimes I ask couples to make their A, B and C list but not let their partner look at it until they are both done. Then in a later session (marital or couple therapy) we read each persons A, B, C list and find that all of one partners "A's" are on the other persons "C" list...the one that says "it would be nice if my partner enjoyed animals", It would be interesting to see what your's and what Dan's A, B and C list is. The hardest part is to how many people can not put ANYTHING on their A list (because it is too scary) their fear is to commit to an "A" list
Hoping this makes sense and gives you some kind of road-map. So for ME one of my "A" list is respect. I can't negotiate that, if I don't respect my man or feel he doesn't respect me it's not negotiable. Respect is a tough one because some life choices happen and as I said in an earlier post I can disrespect my partners recent "choices" but still respect HIM. We all have various reasons to have items on A, B, and C. But if my C's are my partners A's there is going to be real trouble ahead. Let me know if this makes sense or what anyones thoughts might be. And sorry it was so long, kind of hard to write it all out but definitely has helped me and others who have committed to writing it all out....Also a bit scary!
Linda- I loved your ABC list. Such a great way to honestly evaluate a relationship.
Becky- I have to admit, I read this "Long story short, he said he didn't know if he could love me/take it to the next level." and had some less than pleasant words in my mind! I don't think I could be comfortable knowing that someone was settling for me, and to me it sounds like this is what Dan's saying. Having read your comments about your parents and other experiences, you don't strike me as the type that would be ok with this either. Just a thought I hope the past few days have gotten easier for you!
Hi Chicas! Back in the haus after a 3 month leave, the rest was very nice! Though, when I returned found all my previous profile stuff was gone! Yep, signature stuff, member status...all gone! Now I am a new member Started OS week 3 yesterday, actually wasn't too bad...fun part got to skip right to week 3 and miss testing week 1!!! For me testing is not so fun so, just using stats from last test date...which suits me fine for now.
@ Becky- 147 is what mine was when leaving OS last year....I started at something like 123! I went back down when I started IM training and evened out @ 140. I bet by the end of OS, you will be hitting 10 or 20 more watts! Have fun...OS is hard work, but worth it!!
Kathy- welcome back! Your gonna be an undercover Noob with that low post count :-)
Linda- I like your ABC list too. It's a lot more flexible than a strait up Pro/Con list.
Michele- oh man, I just can NOT believe the hassle they are giving you about a request that is so obviously a win-win for them! Working for a somewhat large company I know the corporate policy crap gets in the way of doing the right thing many times. But I'm really fortunate to have a good boss that will go to bat for me when the big stuff comes up. That's a key to happiness in a big company from my experience. You can put up with a lot if you've got the support from someone who has influence and can (and will) push things through for you.
PS- Gi Gi- if you are reading this, don't you dare tell Kirk I said he was a good boss!! I don't want him getting a big head!
Good morning ladies! Becky-sorry for this mess that is going on in your life right now. It is never easy. I have to say that Jennifer summed up my thoughts, in her post. Breakups are terribly difficult, but you deserve to have the relationship you desire, and definately deserve respect. As for your cats, they are part of your life, your family. I have 2 cats myself, so I know how you feel about them. Like you said, it isn't like they were a surprise, when you started dating him. I believe in my heart of hearts, that you will find someone who treats you in a manner that you love, respect, and deserve! I almost hate to post this next comment, but as I have gone through my 52 years of life, I have found it to be profoundly true: "Things happen for a reason." We may never know the reason or the full scope of its effects, but I think it is true, and also believe that we will find out those reasons in the afterlife. Then we'll see it and say 'oh, THAT is why that happened!' Both the good and the bad. Just my 2 cents worth, but that's my belief. Linda, I do like your ABC list. Very thought provoking! Regarding my first week back in the OS; I did my 5K test, which sucked beyond belief, but I anticipated. (Right after Christmas indulgence!) Have yet to do my bike test, for lame reasons. 1. Can't get my stinkin' training tire on Queen B!! You'd think I've never changed it before! 2. Too damn tired in the a.m. and apparently, in the evenings as well, this week. Thus, haven't done it yet. Here I am in week 1, and tweaking the plan ever so slightly, already! Get out the whips girls! I've got to get my head screwed on straight and rock this OS like it is my freaking job!! Oh yeah, and at W.W. weigh in last night, I gained 3.4 lbs. from Christmas!!!! ARGH!!! Okay, confession time is over!
Michele - Doode. Who knew it could be so hard to do something that makes everyone happy at work, is totally sane, and costs less? Thinking good thoughts for your week of vacation.
Kitima - LOVE the Wyeth story. I love the Wyeths, too. Beiges and taupes rock.
Linda H. - I like this wise list, too. At some point when I was in a state of relationship angst, someone asked me if was accepting or tolerating X relationship thing. Those two verbs. They look the from the surface, but are oh, so different.
I leave for Disney tomorrow! Must find that pesky bikini. Seriously easy sherpa gig. I just show up. My sister, the uber vaction planner, has taken care of everything. I admit I'm looking forward to being a kid for a week.
Thanks for the words of support. I will let all know how it turns out (eventually it will end).
Becky- hope today is a better day than yesterday.
Beth- so very cool that you and Jo are so supportive of each other. She was an awesome sherpa for IMWI and I am sure you will be awesome for Disney. Have an absolute blast and BIKINI PICS are in order! Also, we need update on how Jo is doing.
Linda H.- Excellent list idea.
Kathy- Welcome back!
Barb- as you know- those are excuses. But you can get by until you get hard numbers. Just be sure to have some fun!
LOL, Michele! Yeah, I know they are excuses. That's why I said they were lame reasons. I do plan to have fun though! Hope everyone is having a good day. Mine started out kinda crummy, but some of my students have brightened it up for me today.
@Linda - wow, that's a lot to digest and I'm sure I'll read that over a few times to really internalize it.
@Jennifer, Barbara - thanks. you know, as the days pass sure there's still sadness, but there's also some anger coming up... Jennifer you nailed it... I don't want to be settled for. And apparently he was content to do that until I started letting on about some of the things I was feeling.
@Michele - how strange that work seems to be so whacked? but it sounds like your zen-ness is the right way to go and will keep you sane. Good luck, I know you've been unhappy there for a while...
@Beth - have a safe trip and a great time in Disney! I know Dash has been looking forward to this weekend for a while. he misses you!
@Michele M - welcome back, chica! Hope your holidays were good in WI.... crazy weather out that way! Can't wait to start planning the Memorial Day IMWI unofficial camp!
I didn't sleep last night and I'm not entirely sure why... but I'm sure it's all this stuff knocking around my noggin... so, I decided to take a personal day and sleep in and get some admin done around the house (clean litter boxes, etc)... then do my 5k test at my typical testing spot (a 3.2 mile loop in East Potomac Park, Hains Point). Not my best test, but not my worst either... interestingly, the time I got today is pretty close (a touch faster) than my second test last winter - when I weighed in the same... here's to dropping lbs and getting faster! As far how I'm doing... Sad but getting better. I think weekendsalone/with no plans will be the hardest thing to get used to. But I've been single before and survived... although that took a lot for me to finally get comfortable in my own skin and with myself. Hopefully I've learned a few things over the years and won't revert back to my old feel sorry for myself and my predicament ways. I don't think I will. Thank you all for your support!
{{{Becky}}} I am honestly pained reading all that. That is so, so difficult, and I'm very sorry it turned out that way. I will say that his statement of not being sure he could really love you--after 15 months!!!!--says it all. If that would have been me, I'm not sure he'd be alive. Talk about disrespect. Talk about overtly hurtful. Seriously, there are about a million other ways to end something without that. It's appalling he had no understanding how hurtful that could be. On second thought, I'm not sure I'd be hurt by it, or off the charts furious that someone would EVER be that callous. See, even I am having emotion swings over this! FWIW, I am truly sorry.
@Michele-your place is whacked. What are they, robots? Can't be done?! Humans can't fly--that can't be done. But vaycay in lieu of a raise? Those people are the worst, dehumanizing the workplace at it's finest. Ugh.
Working like a madwoman. Loving all the new stuff coming my way!
@Becky.....my heart aches for you. It shouldn't be this hard right??
@Michelle....Stick to your guns. So disappointing when it seems a company doesn't value us. I wonder if it's a sign of the economy.
Didn't test this week. My foot is just in a lot of pain after the Holiday Challenge. I'm giving it a little rest not working as hard this week and testing next week. Hopefully the foot will recover. It seems to get better if I lay off intense stuff for a few days.
@Sheryl - I hate hate hate the pool... I'm so glad I dont have to think about it for a few months!
so, I'm gonna try to get my tush outta bed at 5:30 to do my 60' on the drainer... new year, getting back to really old, long since forgotten, habits! Wish me luck! already have the trainer set up, the water bottle ready...I just have to actually get out of bed and stay out of bed when the alarm goes off.
@Linda - looked at your post (and the one from Dec) again. Thanks again. Very insightful and helpful.
Becky and all the girls...just so you know after I sent the post I felt panicky. I am very glad it was helpful and thankful for all the feedback. Mostly I wanted to say go as slow as you need to, never rush something that feels rushed. You have lots of support on this forum and am sure you also have it in your life. I share many of the feelings of the others and feel horrible for you. We have all been through tough times every one of us. Take all your negative and positive energy and "work out" or do whatever makes you feel good. Men often don't suffer in the way we women do but some do. Dan may....very likely do something to confuse you. Like Linda Patch says she would be MAD, personally I would rather be mad than sad. Just wanted you to know I have had you on my mind and feel free to PM me whenever you need to. You have done yourself a great service to be so open and honest with yourself and with others. I am sure you hate all the focus on you but it is just caring and concerns for you. Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend...what would you tell your best-friend to do in same situation??
and to everyone else....thanks for putting yourself out there too, after the first post following my long one I took a deep breath and said OK no one is mad at you (me), just wanted my feedback to come out the right way as I have been around for awhile but mostly only wining about my own problems, always getting support, nice nice bunch of women here.
Wish I could share some workout news but I am still on the mend but not any worse which is good. Did have to get a cortisone shot in my left elbow (tennis elbow and I don't play tennis) so for two days I couldn't even lift my stupid arm. today is is MUCH BETTER! So will share workouts when I can. Doc for GI said all my biopsies were normal meaning no CANCER but I did have severe ischemic colitis so now we are trying to find out why? But I am healing and doing better, looking forward to a much better 2011 and being able to share actual work out stories
Linda H.-Boo to colitis! Yeah to no cancer!!! Good morning all! Well, so happy to have 'mother nature' visit me this morning, because that mayexplain the 3.4 lb. wt. gain that showed on the scales Tuesday!! Slept like a rock last night, for the first night in 3!!! That was the good news. Bad news is I didn't get up and workout! And I am being a prima donna, in that I have a massage tonight, after school, and do NOT want to work out after that! It will be a lot of 'digging' in the hammies, but also relaxing too. @ Beth, tire in the dryer?? Seriously? I feel stupid asking if this is a joke or for real...but if it is for real, more info. please!
Barbara- the heat expands the wheel, theoretically making it easier to put on. Of course, the last time I put on my trainer tire, I took it down to our communal laundry room and the old bat (pardon, but she really is) that tends to be down there a lot, promptly told me she'd report me to the condo board if I put that "thing" in the dryer. Funny.
Linda- definitely yay to no cancer. And definitely don't worry about posting, I think we all understand that everyone is just looking out for one another
Becky- I'm with you, up at 5am every day to get my workouts in with no distractions that usually hit me when I try to do them later.
Michele- Welcome back!
Linda- Congrats on the new work! Very exciting for you I'm sure.
Michele- Hopefully your company wises up and gives you the time!
Beth- Hope you, Jo, and the family have a great time in Disney. No doubts that you will be a fantastic Sherpa!
Hello, just checking in. Hope everyone has had a good week...
I'm spending too much time in my head, but that's too be expected. The more I think about it the more disappointed I am in myself for not taking action - I've contemplated and considered and felt uncomfortable, but I never did anything about it. I had kind of a scary realization yesterday. I think I never said anything to him and would have been content to stay with Dan for some pretty darn selfish reasons: he's attractive and fit, he's also financially stable and secure (and responsible), and he once told me he'd support me when I quit my job to open the gym. I was so floored at the time we talked about it - that he didn't think my goal was silly and that he'd be there for me... I guess I just figure that will be hard to find and I'm afraid to lose that. Not to mention he's smart and had a normal upbringing with a really nice family (unlike my train wreck). Trying my hand at what it is I want to do will be very scary without some financial stability (or health insurance). So now I'm beating myself up for being a total jerk.
I wish we had talked, a lot, regularly. Maybe we could have gotten our doubts out and worked through them... instead of me festering and withdrawing and wanting to stay for the wrong reasons... and him getting frustrated. I still don't get his "cat" comment or the ridiculousnss ofteling me that he couldn't love me - but I like to think that if we had been open all along we wouldn't be where we are now. I don't know where we'd be, but not here. My take away: I'm definitely better at noticing and hearing my gut. But when it comes to putting into practice what my gut is telling me to do, well, I still have a lot of work to go.
I'm also getting ready for the cleanse which is kinda cool. Planned my first week menu and hit a health food store I've never been to to check it out - they seem to have a lot of the stuff I'll need when the time comes (next Sat is day 1) = but since I was there I got some of the supplements I've been recommended to take (probiotic, fiber) and a water filtration system for my sink for "pure" water (apparently PUR and Britta don't cut it).
I've been reading the posts. It is great to hear what you all have going on. Even when you are in a good or bad place, it is amazing to have such a good support group here.
@Becky: I just started reading your posts this month. Have you guys tried counseling alone or together. I have a friend who ended up in counseling with his girlfriend and it made him realize the relationship needed to end and helped him end it. When I was reading your post about having stability - I could have written that. My childhood/teen years were very unstable. That is one thing I love about John is the stability he brings - emotional, financial, etc. Dan seemed to give that to you at one point - but he isn't giving you ANY stability now. If anything he is making your life more unstable. What he said is not being supported in reality by his actions. I'm going to be blunt (like I would with one of my good friends): you need to take a deep breath and dump him. You know you need to do it. The act of doing it is what is holding you back. We are all with you and WILL be there with you in spirit when you do it.
I went to a spin class this morning. First time in years. It was good. My knee is letting me know I did something different. But, it seems to be OK - just feeling it a bit. I had the interview yesterday with the new company. I really am not comfortable talking about it yet. But, this really is my ideal job that landed in my lap. It is so COOL! Hopefully, we'll have the details hammered out next week and I can give you guys the details. Did I mention how COOL the job is? It is COOL!
One thing, I have to change my mindset and put my workouts/training first. With school I got really good at putting school ahead of working out. I need to put working out as high priority with the job.
Hi Girls, after Penny's posting to "give back" . I decided not to take a break from EN. I posted a long post on the wrong page (the December women's forum but it was Jan. 1) . So no biggy but I am going to hang around and work on the "giving back". I posted a?? in the General Training forum on HELP ON GETTING BACK TO TRAINING and got some really good feedback. So going to GI doc today (and hopefully my ortho this week too) to hopefully get some good news and then gonna slowly get myself ready for my big bike week mid March. Its a long story so don't want to repeat myself here. In a nutshell my son and I are going to a Bike Camp in Tucson mid March for 4-5 days (riding 70 miles per day), last year I went and got a lot stronger and a lot more confidence. Al's gave me some great advice on that forum of how to go about that. So just saying again that I am staying and want to be more interactive this new year and learn a lot while hopefully giving something back. It will take me a while to catch up with all your stories and although I have been an EN member for a year I only "know" a few of you. Gonna work on it!! The very day Penny posted back (along with many of your goodwill wishes) I had an immediate uplift in spirits by just staying involved.
Really glad all the holidays are over too, weird Monday as it is POURING raining like crazy here in So Cal . We have never had so much rain. Will post later what my doc says, keeping my fingers crossed that I get a little good news for a change and can come back slowly, while also reading books, doing more for family and friends and stop focusing on the negatives. There are also a lot of positives. My daughter is getting married late April and I have a new grandbaby coming (my TRI son's first) in late June. So my life is going to have a lot more fullness in it and hopefully more balance.
Hi Linda: I'm glad you decided to stick around and that I helped with that decision. You'll be glad you did!
@Penny - thanks... and very exciting. Hope the situation does work itself out and you get your dream job. After working so hard on the doctor part, it's time to get to do what you want with it! And hear hera re: putting yourself/workouts first now that school is done, you can reprioritize!
thanks to you all, again, for dealing with the soap opera of me the last few months. I've never had a lot of women friends to bounce this stuff off of, so having you has been so helpful and comforting. I'm sorry if I've seemed to take over the thread now and again... when it rains it storms it seems. But I'm taking myself back and hopefully starting off with the cleanse will get things off on the right foot.
Penny- it's great to hear the knee is cooperating with you! Fantastic news! The excitement of the potential opportunities in the year ahead must be overwhelming!
Becky- Don't beat yourself up. It's OK to reflect & learn, but don't pass judgement on yourself or place blame. I'm sure there is more than enough "shoulda coulda woulda" on both sides of the situation. Just learn and move forward.
Good luck to all you ladies in the northeast. I hear there's another storm coming your way!
@Becky, Still thinking of you often. Once, when Archie and I were dating, we had this little "break up" discussion while I was taking him to drop him off for his two week Marine Corps duty. He was leaving to go to Hawaii for his two weeks with the reserves. Anyway, his ex-wife had realized what a mistake she had made cheating on him with multiple men and leaving him and wanted to get back together and was calling. I told him that I felt that he should resolve that and that I might or might not be available when he made up his mind. I wanted to move on and if it wasn't with him I would eventually get over it and find someone or find no one but would be ok. Anyway, it was such a horrible empty feeling when he got out of the car looking sexy in his Marine Corps uniform and I had to go get my things from his apartment. I just knew, though, that I had to make the break and know that within myself I could be comfortable with me. Obviously it all worked out and we are so happy now but my point is, you have a life to live and if it isn't with Dan, it will be ok. Hard as it is you are wonderful, sexy and beautiful...not to mention you are an Ironman and no awesome, rockstar Ironman woman should have to put up with this crap!!!
Everyone have a great weekend. I wasted the entire day at work....playing on my Iphone....not getting my final stuff done. I feel bad but ugh...I hate that job! No excuse I know so I'm going in this weekend to make up for stealing time from the company.
Hey, I'm starting Biggest Loser next week! I'm thinking of blogging about doing that while training for an Ironman...thoughts? Or been done and overdone?
Michelle! What happened with the job negotiations?
Hi All! Sheryl- That is a great story. Glad Archie came to his senses. The job negotiations? Still waiting. On Monday I will shake the tree again. I am trying to be patient and give them time in between each prodding from me. My plan is for them to understand that this is not going to go away. Also, the other NP and I were on the phone together looking at job openings. She lives 45 minutes from me, so we aren't looking in the same areas, just sharing web addresses with job listings.
We got our treadmill! I am so excited (especially since we are predicted to get snow tonight and that will mess up tomorrow's run). I will take pics of the new pain cave set up and post in that thread. I guess now I'll be doing every brick run.
Lots of house arranging today. Cleaning is not my favorite, but I am great at organizing, which keeps cleaning to a minimum. Still need to take the coats to the Red Cross, but I can do that any time. Hope all are having a great weekend.
Hi Ladies! This looks like a great group - do you mind if I join you?
My name is Carol, I am new to EN, although I have been lurking and following RnP on Facebook, etc. for a while now. I joined EN primarily because I need to learn to push myself harder in my training, especially on the bike, and I thought having a community around would be a big help in doing that. I have had a PowerTap since 2003, although the last time I really used it effectively in my training was back in 2003, when I did IMWI (and worked with Coach Rich in his pre-EN days). The analysis of the data has changed a TON since then, though, so I feel like a newbie anyway to things like FTP, TSS, and IF. All we had back then was CP30!
I am in the January OS group, following the beginner OS plan, although I delayed the start of my OS training by 2 weeks to give myself a chance to get over being sick and do a little bit of pre-OS training so that maybe I could survive the OS plan! I have been doing a whole lotta nothing for the past 4 months or so (except eating and gaining a bunch of weight), and I am pretty out of shape right now. Good news is that should mean I can post some good improvements from the OS training! Bad news is that it's because my starting point is so pitiful! My 'A' race is the Rev3 Cedar Point half in September, so I have lots of time to improve.
I wanted to thank all of you for posting about your before and after FTP numbers. You have no idea how much it made me feel better to see other people post about FTP's under 150! I have not yet done the FTP test, but I'm not expecting any stellar results, so it's nice to know that not everyone in the EN community is a 200+ watt monster!
@Becky, that sucks about the breakup, but I'm sure eventually you will look back and realize it is the right thing. Meanwhile, you can immerse yourself in your training to distract you from all the bad thoughts!
@Sheryl, I would be interested in reading your Biggest Loser/Ironman training blog! I have a good 25 lbs to lose (which would not get me to a weight that anyone here on EN would consider "racing weight", but would get me to the lowest weight that I've ever been able to reasonably maintain), so I'd love to hear how someone else is managing it!
@Michele, yay on the new treadmill! I was just rearranging my pain cave yesterday. I was hoping to be able to move the treadmill in (pain cave is in a second floor bedroom, and the treadmill is currently in the basement), but I think it may stay in the basement for the time being. Hubby was not thrilled about the idea of moving it (and I can't say I blame him, it weighs a frickin' ton!), so he will be happy to leave it be. I would love to have the whole pain cave in the basement, but with my husband's woodworking equipment and fish tanks taking up so much space, there just isn't enough room. I love your swapping pay raise for vacation time idea - hopefully they will come around and agree to it. I would definitely trade a pay raise for vacation time in a heartbeat!
Welcome Carol! Of course we'd love to have you join us!!
I'm following the Chica's doing the Goofy Challenge this morning. Sooooo impressed with Kris and Jo. I can't imagine doing a half on one day and then a full marathon the following day! So cool!
Comments
Sheryl- I just remembered that the site I use to rent out library books for my Nook also does a ton of audiobooks. Check out Overdrive. My local library contracts reciprocity with the Chicago Public Library, which uses Overdrive. Check and see if you have access somehow! Great, and a total money-saver!
Beth- I feel your sickness pain, I've been sick the last two days from a cold I'm sure I picked up on NYE.
Sounds like everyone is getting back into the OS and I'm jealous. But since I started November OS I do have some base-ish numbers I might use if I have to scrap too much of this week cause of the cold.
Thought I'd share this bread recipe that I made over the weekend, because it is incredibly delish. And so super easy to make, which I like even better cause I find it hard to find time to make bread. Oat-Wheat Bread: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/12/bread-baking-oatmeal-wheat-loaf.html
@Sheryl - I can't believe I missed the new job mention! Yikes...I apparently skipped that paragraph in your post. HOORAY! That's great news! I'll keep you posted re: the cleanse, too... finishing up the book, taking notes, etc. I have a friend who's a homeopath and I dropped her a note today to ask a few questions... and I'm gonna talk to a woman in my office who did a cleanse relatively recently (not sure what kind she did - but I know she started off grouchy and ended up elated... which is pretty much how the author of the article I read felt - and the author of the book says it goes).
@Beth - yay fun dates and afternoon texting! Someone is smitten!!! That's wonderful! Feel better, hope you have a great half mary this weekend!
Have I mentioned I'm totally worried about the 5k test tomorrow... what's worst is I'll probably have to do it on a treadmill bc it will be dark before/after work and there aren't many non-stop routes I can use in those conditions (I generally test at Hains Point, but that'll be closed). OR I could go to the high school track but that will be just as mind numbing as a dreadmill... argh!
and thanks for the virtual hugs. yes, I've had doubts about Dan for a few months now. But I always thought it was just me being apprehensive bc I'm not a good dater and I worry about settling/ending up like my parents. It started off so well, him being sweet and supportive. Then we just settled into an "old married couple" routine. Part of it may have been my surgery and PT... just a few months in then jumping into crazy training... and my drinking the EN Kool-aid. But at the core, I don't know how well we communicated. I never felt like Dan shared information with me... And one of you ladies sent me a PM that kinda summed it up for me - a lightbulb moment.: I'm not sure if he considered me an equal or respected me.
You what really gets me? Before the holidays the 2 things he mentioned as troubling him were: the sex (my lack of drive), and my cats (didn't know if he could handle litter boxes, and litter and cat fur in his pristine house)... the sex I could understand bc i have been distant (have reasons for that) but the cats really struck a chord. I mean really, he's known I had cats for a loooooong time... He also mentioned that he felt the appropriate level of affection for me as a girlfriend (yes, he really said that... talk about clinical engineer speak), but didn't know if he could get past those things to take it to the next level; he's sort of at a plateau. But we ended the convo saying we'd keep the lines of communication open and keep trying. But after seeing a movie, and holding hands in the theater Sunday (Black Swan is really gripping, btw) we have a random blow up in the car on the ride home about something totally, totally stupid... then we get home and he launches the talk. Long story short, he said he didn't know if he could love me/take it to the next level. That kind of floored me. Granted, I've had doubts about our future and I've been confused but I never said never because at the core I think he's a good person and I care about him... so that really, really got to me. As I think about it more, it upsets me more because at some point this past summer, when we had our first sort of serious conversation along these lines (that he cuts me off and seems to disregard things I say or advice I give to people about training/racing - I remember it like it was yesterday) I pretty much told him that if he didn't think we had a future he should let me know. At our age we shouldn't just be dating to date... and he agreed. So for him to drop that on me after 15 mos, after both of us meeting each other's families (and traveling across the country to do so), and after making all sorts of plans (some of which involve hotel reservations) kind of upset me. Anyway, after all of that, I said I would send an email canceling our party Saturday and he seemed surprised I'd want to do that. Huh? Really? Why would we co-host a party after we break up? And although my coat was on I said I should get my things - but he blew that off, too. So, what the heck does that mean. Are we breaking up or what? So, I haven't canceled the party - but I've let my core friends know about the situation and that I'm not sure if it's on or where it will be. In all likelihood I'll have it in my condo - which would be fine if it weren't for the 500lb tv on my coffee table). But, hey, they're friends and they should understand. Maybe I'll put a sheet over it and a star on top and that could be our christmas tree for the re-gift exchange (the theme for the party is to regift something).
So, that's it in a nutshell. Sorry to blather. I've been off and on weepy a bit this afternoon. I think it's for the best. I've had my doubts. But despite all the doubts, Dan is a wonderful man. Can be very sweet and generous. I could count on him. Even if he didn't get me hot and bothered (even in our wine and roses period) I could live with the flaws, I think. And I always thought back to advice from my friend Peggy (something her now husband said to her) - that Dan is who I wanted to be with me on the Tuesdays in February.
Thank goodness it's time to train again. I need some stability in my life! Training is my drug.
Becky- my heart goes out to you. I wish I could make it all better. Uggh. Steve and I had lots of tough spots before we got married. LOTS! I can say though that we both totally respected the other person and have always gotten "hot and bothered" with eachother, ha! the things that bugged me about him now don't bother me one bit. Isn't that weird? Like he LOVES TV. Could sit useless for hours in front of it. Guess who loves TV now? YUP...ME! Oh brother. Living with him once we got married made me see how hard he does work when he WORKS. Like Yardwork. Insane, will work like a workhorse for HOURS and then come in to the TV. I never realized that as we were dating. I totally see why he needs to veg out. He is so intense when he is working.
Anyway. Just sharing that sometimes what bothers you now .....may not later. Once you see the whole picture.
Regarding the Cleanse. I loved my cleanse. 28 days to health. Look it up online.
Carrie
Becky- Sorry to hear about Dan. It does sound very confusing. We all know that breaking up is the pits. Being hot and bothered does not last forever, but it is important early on and part of the foundation building. Settling is not worth it.
As for your FTP, I agree that comparing you to me is apple and oranges. My point is to let you know where I started from, and that was after a year in da haus as a HR athlete. I thought I worked hard until I got a PM. It changes the definition of work- FOR REAL!
I am still in my job and being pretty zen about things. As those on FB know, I turned down my merit raise and requested another week of vacation instead. Boss loved the idea. Admin was much less pleased. Told me "Nope. Never been done. Can't be done". I politely gave them the name of my former co-worker (changed departments) and how it was done for her. Now they admit it's been done but "that was in a contract negotiation. This is different."
I didn't say it but I thought- so basically I have to threaten to quit to "negotiate" my contract. Interesting. Instead, I said " we are always talking about work/ life balance. I am not asking for more money. I am telling you this is what I need for better balance." (In my head adding- or is that just a bunch of BS talk from admin?) So I asked the admin person in my department (who probably could care less) to go over the head of the person giving a "no" answer. Then I called my direct boss and told him that I was getting a negative on my request and if he still supported the idea, would he please put in his 2 cents. He has agreed to stand up for me. So we'll see what happens.
OK- with OS start, I need to get to bed earlier. Hang tough ladies!
Hi Girls, Kind of confusing because I posted a long response to Becky on December post but then sent a 'message' to her and (thanks Becky for writing back). My heart really goes out to you and it is so good there are so many loving and caring girls on this forum. He sounds like a good evader and is afraid of being "the one" to make the big call (e.g. not cancelling the party or future committed plans). My thoughts are in total agreement with you on the more or less passive aggressive cat comment. I mean come on, you are right he knew about the cat litter from day one and it is a bit of a "chicken" excuse. I shared a lot on the December forum board and so those that didn't read that (my bad) might think this is a bit bold and jumping in fast but I think there is a big elephant in the room and you are the only one really talking about it in the here and now. I was in a very long relationship and was treated very badly for a long time (you are not being treated in the way I am referring here) but for myself I was sooooo afraid of being alone that I stayed until I was strong enough to end it. Kind of like an alcoholic who denies they have a drinking problem, always being defensive but knowing inside that one actually has a drinking problem. With "real patients" or friends I say go ahead and say you are an "alcoholic", "food aholic", "shop aholic" or whatever..... it doesn't mean you have to quit drinking (or doing the behavior) but at least each time you drink or drink too much it is harder and harder to "swollow" but sitting in the truth until you are ready for action is at least a step toward progress.So essentially staying in the relationship until you feel "ready enough" to make a more committed "change". What I am trying to say is we often know the "answer" but just not ready to take any action, contemplating is still an action, admitting to self "i do have a problem" but I am just not ready to do anything about it yet.
I like a process I call the" A B C list". I make a list in the A group that consists of traits or realities that are absolutely non-negotiable (non-negotiable means that we are not, no matter what willing to negotiate. B is a very strong list but we could negotiate the items on the "B" list if we had to and C is "it would be nice", so C could be "it would be nice if my significant other liked triathlons, or it would be nice if my partner liked picnics, like theater or whatever, but I could take it or leave it if they didn't. B is I would never marry someone with an ex-wife or ex-husband to deal with but if everything was right I could negotiate that (or step kids or something similar). "A "might be, my significant other must be a Christian or have faith in some higher power, meaning I would never negotiate that, so even if he/she was drop dead gorgeous, weatlhty, educated or whatever if he or she was not a Christian (or some kind of faith), it woud be friendiship from then on no matter what. What happens is we make a list and then start negotiating our "A" list and then all of a sudden there is no "A" list and we start bargaining or negotiating everything. So if on your "A" list is your cats, (by the way my doggies would be on my "A" list ) so no matter what if I found out on my first or second date that my date hated DOGS I couldn't negotiate. So I wouldn't consider a long-term relatiionship NO MATTER WHAT
Sometimes I ask couples to make their A, B and C list but not let their partner look at it until they are both done. Then in a later session (marital or couple therapy) we read each persons A, B, C list and find that all of one partners "A's" are on the other persons "C" list...the one that says "it would be nice if my partner enjoyed animals", It would be interesting to see what your's and what Dan's A, B and C list is. The hardest part is to how many people can not put ANYTHING on their A list (because it is too scary) their fear is to commit to an "A" list
Hoping this makes sense and gives you some kind of road-map. So for ME one of my "A" list is respect. I can't negotiate that, if I don't respect my man or feel he doesn't respect me it's not negotiable. Respect is a tough one because some life choices happen and as I said in an earlier post I can disrespect my partners recent "choices" but still respect HIM. We all have various reasons to have items on A, B, and C. But if my C's are my partners A's there is going to be real trouble ahead. Let me know if this makes sense or what anyones thoughts might be. And sorry it was so long, kind of hard to write it all out but definitely has helped me and others who have committed to writing it all out....Also a bit scary!
Becky- I have to admit, I read this "Long story short, he said he didn't know if he could love me/take it to the next level." and had some less than pleasant words in my mind! I don't think I could be comfortable knowing that someone was settling for me, and to me it sounds like this is what Dan's saying. Having read your comments about your parents and other experiences, you don't strike me as the type that would be ok with this either. Just a thought
Hi Chicas! Back in the haus after a 3 month leave, the rest was very nice! Though, when I returned found all my previous profile stuff was gone! Yep, signature stuff, member status...all gone! Now I am a new member
Started OS week 3 yesterday, actually wasn't too bad...fun part got to skip right to week 3 and miss testing week 1!!! For me testing is not so fun 
so, just using stats from last test date...which suits me fine for now.
@ Becky- 147 is what mine was when leaving OS last year....I started at something like 123! I went back down when I started IM training and evened out @ 140. I bet by the end of OS, you will be hitting 10 or 20 more watts! Have fun...OS is hard work, but worth it!!
Here's to a memorable 2011
Linda- I like your ABC list too. It's a lot more flexible than a strait up Pro/Con list.
Michele- oh man, I just can NOT believe the hassle they are giving you about a request that is so obviously a win-win for them! Working for a somewhat large company I know the corporate policy crap gets in the way of doing the right thing many times. But I'm really fortunate to have a good boss that will go to bat for me when the big stuff comes up. That's a key to happiness in a big company from my experience. You can put up with a lot if you've got the support from someone who has influence and can (and will) push things through for you.
PS- Gi Gi- if you are reading this, don't you dare tell Kirk I said he was a good boss!! I don't want him getting a big head!
Becky-sorry for this mess that is going on in your life right now. It is never easy. I have to say that Jennifer summed up my thoughts, in her post. Breakups are terribly difficult, but you deserve to have the relationship you desire, and definately deserve respect. As for your cats, they are part of your life, your family. I have 2 cats myself, so I know how you feel about them. Like you said, it isn't like they were a surprise, when you started dating him. I believe in my heart of hearts, that you will find someone who treats you in a manner that you love, respect, and deserve! I almost hate to post this next comment, but as I have gone through my 52 years of life, I have found it to be profoundly true: "Things happen for a reason." We may never know the reason or the full scope of its effects, but I think it is true, and also believe that we will find out those reasons in the afterlife. Then we'll see it and say 'oh, THAT is why that happened!' Both the good and the bad. Just my 2 cents worth, but that's my belief.
Linda, I do like your ABC list. Very thought provoking!
Regarding my first week back in the OS; I did my 5K test, which sucked beyond belief, but I anticipated. (Right after Christmas indulgence!) Have yet to do my bike test, for lame reasons. 1. Can't get my stinkin' training tire on Queen B!! You'd think I've never changed it before! 2. Too damn tired in the a.m. and apparently, in the evenings as well, this week. Thus, haven't done it yet. Here I am in week 1, and tweaking the plan ever so slightly, already! Get out the whips girls! I've got to get my head screwed on straight and rock this OS like it is my freaking job!! Oh yeah, and at W.W. weigh in last night, I gained 3.4 lbs. from Christmas!!!! ARGH!!! Okay, confession time is over!
Barb - Tire in the dryer first!
Michele - Doode. Who knew it could be so hard to do something that makes everyone happy at work, is totally sane, and costs less? Thinking good thoughts for your week of vacation.
Kitima - LOVE the Wyeth story. I love the Wyeths, too. Beiges and taupes rock.
Linda H. - I like this wise list, too. At some point when I was in a state of relationship angst, someone asked me if was accepting or tolerating X relationship thing. Those two verbs. They look the from the surface, but are oh, so different.
I leave for Disney tomorrow! Must find that pesky bikini. Seriously easy sherpa gig. I just show up. My sister, the uber vaction planner, has taken care of everything. I admit I'm looking forward to being a kid for a week.
Becky- hope today is a better day than yesterday.
Beth- so very cool that you and Jo are so supportive of each other. She was an awesome sherpa for IMWI and I am sure you will be awesome for Disney. Have an absolute blast and BIKINI PICS are in order! Also, we need update on how Jo is doing.
Linda H.- Excellent list idea.
Kathy- Welcome back!
Barb- as you know- those are excuses. But you can get by until you get hard numbers. Just be sure to have some fun!
*Sigh*. I can relate.
Hope everyone is having a good day. Mine started out kinda crummy, but some of my students have brightened it up for me today.
@Linda - wow, that's a lot to digest and I'm sure I'll read that over a few times to really internalize it.
@Jennifer, Barbara - thanks. you know, as the days pass sure there's still sadness, but there's also some anger coming up... Jennifer you nailed it... I don't want to be settled for. And apparently he was content to do that until I started letting on about some of the things I was feeling.
@Michele - how strange that work seems to be so whacked? but it sounds like your zen-ness is the right way to go and will keep you sane. Good luck, I know you've been unhappy there for a while...
@Beth - have a safe trip and a great time in Disney! I know Dash has been looking forward to this weekend for a while. he misses you!
@Michele M - welcome back, chica! Hope your holidays were good in WI.... crazy weather out that way! Can't wait to start planning the Memorial Day IMWI unofficial camp!
I didn't sleep last night and I'm not entirely sure why... but I'm sure it's all this stuff knocking around my noggin... so, I decided to take a personal day and sleep in and get some admin done around the house (clean litter boxes, etc)... then do my 5k test at my typical testing spot (a 3.2 mile loop in East Potomac Park, Hains Point). Not my best test, but not my worst either... interestingly, the time I got today is pretty close (a touch faster) than my second test last winter - when I weighed in the same... here's to dropping lbs and getting faster! As far how I'm doing... Sad but getting better. I think weekendsalone/with no plans will be the hardest thing to get used to. But I've been single before and survived... although that took a lot for me to finally get comfortable in my own skin and with myself. Hopefully I've learned a few things over the years and won't revert back to my old feel sorry for myself and my predicament ways. I don't think I will. Thank you all for your support!
{{{Becky}}} I am honestly pained reading all that. That is so, so difficult, and I'm very sorry it turned out that way. I will say that his statement of not being sure he could really love you--after 15 months!!!!--says it all. If that would have been me, I'm not sure he'd be alive. Talk about disrespect. Talk about overtly hurtful. Seriously, there are about a million other ways to end something without that. It's appalling he had no understanding how hurtful that could be. On second thought, I'm not sure I'd be hurt by it, or off the charts furious that someone would EVER be that callous. See, even I am having emotion swings over this! FWIW, I am truly sorry.
@Michele-your place is whacked. What are they, robots? Can't be done?! Humans can't fly--that can't be done. But vaycay in lieu of a raise? Those people are the worst, dehumanizing the workplace at it's finest. Ugh.
Working like a madwoman. Loving all the new stuff coming my way!
@Kathy, Welcome back!
@Becky.....my heart aches for you. It shouldn't be this hard right??
@Michelle....Stick to your guns. So disappointing when it seems a company doesn't value us. I wonder if it's a sign of the economy.
Didn't test this week. My foot is just in a lot of pain after the Holiday Challenge. I'm giving it a little rest not working as hard this week and testing next week. Hopefully the foot will recover. It seems to get better if I lay off intense stuff for a few days.
Man.....I hate going to the cold pool.
so, I'm gonna try to get my tush outta bed at 5:30 to do my 60' on the drainer... new year, getting back to really old, long since forgotten, habits! Wish me luck! already have the trainer set up, the water bottle ready...I just have to actually get out of bed and stay out of bed when the alarm goes off.
@Linda - looked at your post (and the one from Dec) again. Thanks again. Very insightful and helpful.
Becky and all the girls...just so you know after I sent the post I felt panicky. I am very glad it was helpful and thankful for all the feedback. Mostly I wanted to say go as slow as you need to, never rush something that feels rushed. You have lots of support on this forum and am sure you also have it in your life. I share many of the feelings of the others and feel horrible for you. We have all been through tough times every one of us. Take all your negative and positive energy and "work out" or do whatever makes you feel good. Men often don't suffer in the way we women do but some do. Dan may....very likely do something to confuse you. Like Linda Patch says she would be MAD, personally I would rather be mad than sad. Just wanted you to know I have had you on my mind and feel free to PM me whenever you need to. You have done yourself a great service to be so open and honest with yourself and with others. I am sure you hate all the focus on you but it is just caring and concerns for you. Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend...what would you tell your best-friend to do in same situation??
and to everyone else....thanks for putting yourself out there too, after the first post following my long one I took a deep breath and said OK no one is mad at you (me), just wanted my feedback to come out the right way as I have been around for awhile but mostly only wining about my own problems, always getting support, nice nice bunch of women here.
Wish I could share some workout news but I am still on the mend but not any worse which is good. Did have to get a cortisone shot in my left elbow (tennis elbow and I don't play tennis) so for two days I couldn't even lift my stupid arm. today is is MUCH BETTER! So will share workouts when I can. Doc for GI said all my biopsies were normal meaning no CANCER but I did have severe ischemic colitis so now we are trying to find out why? But I am healing and doing better, looking forward to a much better 2011 and being able to share actual work out stories
Good morning all! Well, so happy to have 'mother nature' visit me this morning, because that may explain the 3.4 lb. wt. gain that showed on the scales Tuesday!!
Slept like a rock last night, for the first night in 3!!! That was the good news. Bad news is I didn't get up and workout! And I am being a prima donna, in that I have a massage tonight, after school, and do NOT want to work out after that! It will be a lot of 'digging' in the hammies, but also relaxing too.
@ Beth, tire in the dryer?? Seriously? I feel stupid asking if this is a joke or for real...but if it is for real, more info. please!
Linda- definitely yay to no cancer. And definitely don't worry about posting, I think we all understand that everyone is just looking out for one another
Becky- I'm with you, up at 5am every day to get my workouts in with no distractions that usually hit me when I try to do them later.
Michele- Welcome back!
Linda- Congrats on the new work! Very exciting for you I'm sure.
Michele- Hopefully your company wises up and gives you the time!
Beth- Hope you, Jo, and the family have a great time in Disney. No doubts that you will be a fantastic Sherpa!
I'm spending too much time in my head, but that's too be expected. The more I think about it the more disappointed I am in myself for not taking action - I've contemplated and considered and felt uncomfortable, but I never did anything about it. I had kind of a scary realization yesterday. I think I never said anything to him and would have been content to stay with Dan for some pretty darn selfish reasons: he's attractive and fit, he's also financially stable and secure (and responsible), and he once told me he'd support me when I quit my job to open the gym. I was so floored at the time we talked about it - that he didn't think my goal was silly and that he'd be there for me... I guess I just figure that will be hard to find and I'm afraid to lose that. Not to mention he's smart and had a normal upbringing with a really nice family (unlike my train wreck). Trying my hand at what it is I want to do will be very scary without some financial stability (or health insurance). So now I'm beating myself up for being a total jerk.
I wish we had talked, a lot, regularly. Maybe we could have gotten our doubts out and worked through them... instead of me festering and withdrawing and wanting to stay for the wrong reasons... and him getting frustrated. I still don't get his "cat" comment or the ridiculousnss ofteling me that he couldn't love me - but I like to think that if we had been open all along we wouldn't be where we are now. I don't know where we'd be, but not here. My take away: I'm definitely better at noticing and hearing my gut. But when it comes to putting into practice what my gut is telling me to do, well, I still have a lot of work to go.
I'm also getting ready for the cleanse which is kinda cool. Planned my first week menu and hit a health food store I've never been to to check it out - they seem to have a lot of the stuff I'll need when the time comes (next Sat is day 1) = but since I was there I got some of the supplements I've been recommended to take (probiotic, fiber) and a water filtration system for my sink for "pure" water (apparently PUR and Britta don't cut it).
I've been reading the posts. It is great to hear what you all have going on. Even when you are in a good or bad place, it is amazing to have such a good support group here.
@Becky: I just started reading your posts this month. Have you guys tried counseling alone or together. I have a friend who ended up in counseling with his girlfriend and it made him realize the relationship needed to end and helped him end it. When I was reading your post about having stability - I could have written that. My childhood/teen years were very unstable. That is one thing I love about John is the stability he brings - emotional, financial, etc. Dan seemed to give that to you at one point - but he isn't giving you ANY stability now. If anything he is making your life more unstable. What he said is not being supported in reality by his actions. I'm going to be blunt (like I would with one of my good friends): you need to take a deep breath and dump him. You know you need to do it. The act of doing it is what is holding you back. We are all with you and WILL be there with you in spirit when you do it.
I went to a spin class this morning. First time in years. It was good. My knee is letting me know I did something different. But, it seems to be OK - just feeling it a bit. I had the interview yesterday with the new company. I really am not comfortable talking about it yet. But, this really is my ideal job that landed in my lap. It is so COOL! Hopefully, we'll have the details hammered out next week and I can give you guys the details. Did I mention how COOL the job is? It is COOL!
One thing, I have to change my mindset and put my workouts/training first. With school I got really good at putting school ahead of working out. I need to put working out as high priority with the job.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Hi Linda: I'm glad you decided to stick around and that I helped with that decision. You'll be glad you did!
@Penny - thanks... and very exciting. Hope the situation does work itself out and you get your dream job. After working so hard on the doctor part, it's time to get to do what you want with it! And hear hera re: putting yourself/workouts first now that school is done, you can reprioritize!
thanks to you all, again, for dealing with the soap opera of me the last few months. I've never had a lot of women friends to bounce this stuff off of, so having you has been so helpful and comforting. I'm sorry if I've seemed to take over the thread now and again... when it rains it storms it seems. But I'm taking myself back and hopefully starting off with the cleanse will get things off on the right foot.
Becky- Don't beat yourself up. It's OK to reflect & learn, but don't pass judgement on yourself or place blame. I'm sure there is more than enough "shoulda coulda woulda" on both sides of the situation. Just learn and move forward.
Good luck to all you ladies in the northeast. I hear there's another storm coming your way!
@Disney people!!! Yay!!! Have fun fun fun!
@Becky, Still thinking of you often. Once, when Archie and I were dating, we had this little "break up" discussion while I was taking him to drop him off for his two week Marine Corps duty. He was leaving to go to Hawaii for his two weeks with the reserves. Anyway, his ex-wife had realized what a mistake she had made cheating on him with multiple men and leaving him and wanted to get back together and was calling. I told him that I felt that he should resolve that and that I might or might not be available when he made up his mind. I wanted to move on and if it wasn't with him I would eventually get over it and find someone or find no one but would be ok. Anyway, it was such a horrible empty feeling when he got out of the car looking sexy in his Marine Corps uniform and I had to go get my things from his apartment. I just knew, though, that I had to make the break and know that within myself I could be comfortable with me. Obviously it all worked out and we are so happy now but my point is, you have a life to live and if it isn't with Dan, it will be ok. Hard as it is you are wonderful, sexy and beautiful...not to mention you are an Ironman and no awesome, rockstar Ironman woman should have to put up with this crap!!!
Everyone have a great weekend. I wasted the entire day at work....playing on my Iphone....not getting my final stuff done. I feel bad but ugh...I hate that job! No excuse I know so I'm going in this weekend to make up for stealing time from the company.
Hey, I'm starting Biggest Loser next week! I'm thinking of blogging about doing that while training for an Ironman...thoughts? Or been done and overdone?
Michelle! What happened with the job negotiations?
Sheryl- That is a great story. Glad Archie came to his senses. The job negotiations? Still waiting. On Monday I will shake the tree again. I am trying to be patient and give them time in between each prodding from me. My plan is for them to understand that this is not going to go away. Also, the other NP and I were on the phone together looking at job openings. She lives 45 minutes from me, so we aren't looking in the same areas, just sharing web addresses with job listings.
We got our treadmill! I am so excited (especially since we are predicted to get snow tonight and that will mess up tomorrow's run). I will take pics of the new pain cave set up and post in that thread. I guess now I'll be doing every brick run.
Lots of house arranging today. Cleaning is not my favorite, but I am great at organizing, which keeps cleaning to a minimum. Still need to take the coats to the Red Cross, but I can do that any time.
Hope all are having a great weekend.
My name is Carol, I am new to EN, although I have been lurking and following RnP on Facebook, etc. for a while now. I joined EN primarily because I need to learn to push myself harder in my training, especially on the bike, and I thought having a community around would be a big help in doing that. I have had a PowerTap since 2003, although the last time I really used it effectively in my training was back in 2003, when I did IMWI (and worked with Coach Rich in his pre-EN days). The analysis of the data has changed a TON since then, though, so I feel like a newbie anyway to things like FTP, TSS, and IF. All we had back then was CP30!
I am in the January OS group, following the beginner OS plan, although I delayed the start of my OS training by 2 weeks to give myself a chance to get over being sick and do a little bit of pre-OS training so that maybe I could survive the OS plan! I have been doing a whole lotta nothing for the past 4 months or so (except eating and gaining a bunch of weight), and I am pretty out of shape right now. Good news is that should mean I can post some good improvements from the OS training! Bad news is that it's because my starting point is so pitiful! My 'A' race is the Rev3 Cedar Point half in September, so I have lots of time to improve.
I wanted to thank all of you for posting about your before and after FTP numbers. You have no idea how much it made me feel better to see other people post about FTP's under 150! I have not yet done the FTP test, but I'm not expecting any stellar results, so it's nice to know that not everyone in the EN community is a 200+ watt monster!
@Becky, that sucks about the breakup, but I'm sure eventually you will look back and realize it is the right thing. Meanwhile, you can immerse yourself in your training to distract you from all the bad thoughts!
@Sheryl, I would be interested in reading your Biggest Loser/Ironman training blog! I have a good 25 lbs to lose (which would not get me to a weight that anyone here on EN would consider "racing weight", but would get me to the lowest weight that I've ever been able to reasonably maintain), so I'd love to hear how someone else is managing it!
@Michele, yay on the new treadmill! I was just rearranging my pain cave yesterday. I was hoping to be able to move the treadmill in (pain cave is in a second floor bedroom, and the treadmill is currently in the basement), but I think it may stay in the basement for the time being. Hubby was not thrilled about the idea of moving it (and I can't say I blame him, it weighs a frickin' ton!), so he will be happy to leave it be. I would love to have the whole pain cave in the basement, but with my husband's woodworking equipment and fish tanks taking up so much space, there just isn't enough room. I love your swapping pay raise for vacation time idea - hopefully they will come around and agree to it. I would definitely trade a pay raise for vacation time in a heartbeat!
@Penny, how exciting on the new job!
OK, enough of me saying hi. Hope everyone's having a great Sunday!
I'm following the Chica's doing the Goofy Challenge this morning. Sooooo impressed with Kris and Jo. I can't imagine doing a half on one day and then a full marathon the following day! So cool!
We are an easy bunch and you will fit right in here. No worries. And no way on moving a TM! I almost dread the day we move.
I did my run this morning telling myself- "Just be glad that you can be done after an hour. Many of your friends can't stop until 26.2 is done."
Congrats to all running in sunny Florida yesterday and today!