The EN cycling code & the tri dork.
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So, I’ve just got my new road bike and I am totally a tri dork with her heels dug in. I am sure I am even more dorky for asking these Qs and taking things all literally, but I have to ask, right? That’s what we’re here for? (even if I do get torched... 
)
I am on my road bike because I am getting into more hilly stuff. Dragging myself and my tri bike up and down hills in training is the pits. When things are flat I am on my tri bike with no complaints – I am really comfortable in my tri position. 
1. Code: wear a cycling kit not a tri kit. Fine. But what about when you are doing bricks? I hate hate hate running in bike shorts & jerseys, and changing is a royal pain in the a** especially when I want to get off the bike and running pronto to train out the jelly legs.
2. Bento box: I love my tri bike bento box. This is the thing I am going to miss the most on my road bike. I will give this jersey thing a shot to not be super nerdy. But good god that is a lot of stuff to cram into those pockets (I see: tool bag, cell, gels, plus gloves and arm warmers for the cool early mornings). I really like the feeling of being “free” to ride without feeling like a camel with stuff around my lower back. As it warms up I hope this will get better and I can ditch the gloves and arm warmers and get used to the remaining crud on my lower back. 
3. Living off the land: um. Sorta. Really, honestly, I don’t like stopping. I am sure this makes me an OCD-geek, but whatever. Even for stoplights & peeing, much less for a muffin and espresso (holy puke inducer, batman! 
Not to mention my gluten issues makes it all a moot point anyway). You speedies can go zipping along at 47 mph & 900 watts, stop and eat coffee & muffins and hop right back to it, and I will take my tortoise style 15 mph and just keep plugging along. 
4. I am off the code thing now and into other Q’s but am keeping things number so y’all can respond according to the numbers. Like I said in the beginning, the road bike for me is mainly for hilly stuff. I’ve done the bike course of my next race w/hills (wildflower HIM) on my tri bike. Awful. Not enough gears really, and shifting on the aero bars sucks. So – am I going to be disowned for doing this next tri in my road bike? And am I going to be making myself all tired without my trusty aero bars to rest on for the (relatively brief) flat parts?
5. Is there every any instance where it is ok to put aero bars on a road bike? (even if you own a tri bike?) 
All that being said, I really truly do want to become a better cyclist. And I get the take home message: minimize. Which I will do my best to do. I really don’t want to be a total geek, which is why I read through the code at all. All that being said, this is really all about the riding anyway, right? If I am happy with my times & riding position, can I nibble from my bento box in tri shorts? No? Oh well, I had to ask. 
PS - These smileys are the coolest thing, EVER. 
Comments
The Official Euro Cyclist Code of Conduct
1. Image and style shall be the primary concerns of the Euro Cyclist.
When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even
composure and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent,
and only counts if said Euro Cyclist wins with appropriate style.
2. Training shall be based solely on feel, while racing shall be
guided by sensations and instinct: that is to say, "soul." The Euro
Cyclist will never accept tried or tested scientific training methods.
3. The Euro Cyclist shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain
black spandex bibs (shorts, regardless of colour are BANNED) or ANY
team kit
containing non-prominent logos. Shorts will extend approximately
2/3rds of the way down the upper leg and will contain a compression
band at the bottom (distinct in colour). In NO CONDITION shall they
extend any further!
4. Legs shall be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain
hair removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One
shall never show up to a race (be it large or small) with ANY amount
of stubble visible on one's legs.
5. A prominent line where one's kit ends and where one's deep tan
begins is essential to one's image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The
tan shall reflect the level of training commitment.
6. The socks of the Euro Cyclist shall extend to within two (2) cm. of
the main bulge of the calf muscle, and shall never extend further than
one (1) cm. past said primary calf muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE
WHITE in colour with prominent logo placement.
7. Cycling shoes shall contain at least 80% white!
The following exceptions apply:
i) Colour combinations such as world cup stripes or Olympic gold for
which the title has been EARNED.
ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies
endorsed by this group. These shoes shall be accessible to the
particular cyclist only, and shall follow the preceding rules.
8. If white cycling shoes are not available where the Euro Cyclist
resides, white booties (or "shoe covers") with prominent logos shall
ALWAYS be worn. When booties are worn, socks shall protrude
approximately seven (7) cm. above the ankle, and shall always protrude
at a minimum one (1) cm. from any booties worn.
9. One's bike frame shall contain between two (2) and four (4) colours
IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All colours are acceptable as long as they
combine tastefully and elegantly. In addition, wheel selection must
also match frame and fork.
10. One shall race only on Campagnolo Boras or Lightweights. Fulcrum
Racing One, Corima Aero+ or Zipp (404 or 202) wheelsets are considered
stylish enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Irregardless,
ceramic bearings shall be used at ALL TIMES on both training and race
bikes.
11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of one's
ability in gluing them.
12. Ridiculously stylish eyewear (see endorsed products list) is to be
worn AT ALL TIMES without exception. Glasses are to be worn over
helmet straps at all times.
13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn
(again with prominent logo placement). The helmet shall be
predominantly white. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet
colour be worn with one's euro kit. Helmets are not to be worn when
venturing indoors AT ANY TIME. It is, however, acceptable to wear
one's helmet while outdoors on a patio (see rule 34).
14. In certain RARE cases, it shall be deemed acceptable to have long
hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in a severely
euro style, and helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE that rule
12 is followed in these special instances.
15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling
cap (white in colour), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the
downward position at all times. The cycling cap may be worn forwards
or backwards to coincide with the specifics of one's current
hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques shall be worn at all
times in place of caps.
16. Kits must always be freshly washed, and one shall ALWAYS have
applied a subtle quantity of eau de toilette (or "cologne"). It is, AT
ALL TIMES FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit. This is severely
detrimental to one's image.
17. Saddles shall be white in colour ONLY and shall be manufactured in
Italy or France. Exceptions may be made in the following cases:
i) Saddles containing World Cup Stripes or Olympic Gold when it is EARNED
ii) Italian flag colour combo when rider is ITALIAN (born in Italy)
18. Handlebar tape is required to be cork as well as WHITE IN COLOUR.
Bar tape shall be kept in pristine white condition. This state shall
be achieved either through daily cleansing or through frequent
replacement. These jobs must NEVER be performed by the cyclist as one
must maintain one's image.
19. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm long and of a rise no higher
than -10 degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above
the top of the headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out
of ALUMINUM, and airbrushed in kit/frame colours. In certain cases
(Mario Cipollini) it is advised that one airbrush a buxom young woman
onto the top of one's stem.
20. The Euro Cyclist shall ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs
before appearing in public.
21. Facial hair shall be restricted to (at a maximum) a goatee, and
even this is discouraged. Moustaches, beards, and any combination
thereof are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED in all instances. Stubble is,
however, advisable in virtually ALL euro-situations. It is important
to note that this DOES NOT apply to the legs.
22. Campagnolo shall be THE ONLY acceptable component and it is hereby
deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances and
situations. The Euro Cyclist is expected to have nothing less than an
ENTIRE campy grouppo. Crank substitutions are NOT permitted. There is,
however, a case by case exception for SRAM Red.
23. One shall NEVER, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence
of a cyclist riding a bike costing less than 2000€ in ANY public
place. This may be severely detrimental to one's image. If such a
situation cannot be helped, it is CRITICAL that the Euro Cyclist
regard his "acquaintance" with a patrician mixture of disdain and
SEVERE condescension.
24. One shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with
triathletes. This cannot be overemphasized! It is FORBIDDEN to have
any number inked onto one's body before a race.
25. Any physical activity other than cycling is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON.
This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives
(this includes walking). The ONLY TWO other sports with a recognized
degree of euro are: cross-country skiing and long track speed skating.
26. Mountain bike gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling
gloves shall be slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have
minimal padding. Padding will be beige or white in colour. Wearing NO
GLOVES is entirely acceptable and encouraged. In the case of a Euro
Cyclist wearing a leader's jersey special gloves shall be made to
match the colour of the jersey while simultaneously blending the
colours of the team kit.
27. In a circumstance where any cyclist (or TRIATHLETE) ever displays
aggression or disrespect towards a Euro Cyclist, he is required to
ride up uncomfortably close to his foe and slap them in the face with
his team issue gloves.
28. In the event a motorist disturbs one's ride: one shall proceed to
ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the boot of the
car while doing one's best to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm and
head movements ("Gesticulation") are strongly encouraged to enhance
the apparent rage.
29. One shall NEVER rearrange one's package while riding. Adjustments
regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order
to preserve image.
30. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror
shall come within two (2) metres of one's bike.
31. Gearing shall be restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23
cassette with a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One must never be
seen pedaling at a cadence greater than 90 rpm in order not to detract
from one's calm/smooth factor, or "Suplesse." The use of 25-toothed
cog is acceptable for severely mountainous training situations.
32. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to one's home
country's flag, located on the top-tube within ten (10) cm. of the
seat-tube ON THE DRIVE SIDE ONLY.
33. Pedals MUST be either Look or Time. No other pedals are to be
considered. As always, ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY
FORBIDDEN.
34. Coffee is a NECESSITY and as such it must be consumed STRONG (e.g.
espresso) on a patio in Italy in full kit; it shall be drunk BLACK.
Sugar is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. The only milk present shall appear
frothed on top (if at all). The euro cyclist shall, if possible,
develop a fondness for the triple ristretto.
35. All podium shots ("pictures") shall be taken while wearing one's
team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as Pumas).
Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. One is expected to
display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving
kisses/trophies. The bulge may vary according to the
outlandishness/impracticality of the victory prize (e.g. livestock
and/or enormous cheese wheels).
36. All pre- and post-race activity SHALL be conducted under a gazebo
(this includes massages, interviews, seductions, and looking
fantastic) leaving one in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top
up one's enviable tanlines and pose for photos.
37. Post-race, one shall be tied to one's mobile phone, receiving
endless calls from:
i. One's attractive girlfriend, or
ii. Important ad executives concerning modeling contracts. This shall
be done under the protection of the post race gazebo.
38. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight
limit in order that weights might be attached to the frame to
demonstrate its superiority and lightness.
39. Motivational music during training shall consist of late 90s
trance or progressive house, hereby known as 'euro beats.' NO
EXCEPTIONS.
40. Water Bottles shall be referred to solely as "Bidons" and shall
have a volume NOT EXCEEDING 500ml. Bidons shall always match team/kit
colours. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE to leave one's
bidons on the bike for more than ten (10) minutes post-ride OR while
transporting bikes via bike rack.
41. Naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE
CAGES) shall be used on ALL BIKES. Exceptions include:
i) Special edition 24k gold cages, acceptable in certain cases such as
photo shoots, prologues or where colour coordination dictates (e.g.
gold cage with Olympic gold/white team kit).
42. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of
religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.
43. While soloing in for a victory, one shall ensure that one's jersey
is FULLY ZIPPED and ALIGNED so that all title sponsors are clearly
visible. One shall then smile and flex one's arms while pointing
sky-wards. The projection of one's fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN IN
ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
44. When appearing in a photo spread for a sponsor's products, the
Euro Cyclist has the option of appearing fully nude, in team kit, or
in a full Brioni three-piece suit (nothing else). Smiling is
PROHIBITED in these instances.
45. When appearing in documentaries, one must be seen walking around
the hotel in one's kit at all times. It is also recommended that one
constantly be eating something in front of the cameras.
46. When asked "how are you?" while riding one must proceed with one
of the following...
i. Complain about coming off a sickness
ii. Explain that one is peaking for bigger races later in the season
iii. Mention that this is a "recovery ride"
iv. Explain that one is at the tail end of one's daily six (6) hour
training ride
47. If one feels the urge to relieve oneself during a race, one shall
gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat oneself sideways on
the saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. It is the DUTY of the Euro
Cyclist to ensure that no camera crew catches the act, for it could be
severely detrimental to one's image. Under no circumstances shall one
dismount from his bike in order to urinate.
48. When climbing anything with a gradient above twenty (20) percent
OR lasting greater than four (4) kilometers, the Euro Cyclist shall
fully unzip his jersey and let it flutter freely in the wind.
49. When dropping out of a race, one shall avoid the embarrassment of
entering the official broomwagon and shall instead wait for the team
vehicle. When asked the reason for dropping out, one shall cite
mechanical problems or oncoming sickness in order to avoid any
negative speculation in regards to one's fitness.
50. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that
his pollen allergies are acting up, and that he's not sure that he'll
win the Giro this year. In this situation he must note that the
sensations are otherwise good, and that he will eventually win a
beautiful stage.
51. Team-building motivational camps shall be held annually in the
off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting
as possible. Photos shall be widely reproduced to demonstrate team
cohesion.
52. During the pre-race medical checks, star riders of each team are
strongly advised to play doctor with each other while shirtless.
Photos taken must strive to be as HOMO-EROTIC AS POSSIBLE.
53. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, one shall:
i. Flee to the warmer climates of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc.
ii. "Train the mind, body and soul" with Kreitler-brand rollers
54. In the event of a crash, regardless of the gravity of an injury
the Euro Cyclist shall mummify himself in fishnet gauze. The act of
gauzing oneself (in order to continue racing while injured) is looked
upon with respect by other Euro Cyclists as a statement of commitment
and of strength of character. One shall use white gauze to bandage
injuries; however, world cup striped gauze and/or national colors may
be used in addition to white in select circumstances.
55. No form of large or obtrusive tattoo shall be printed onto the
skin anywhere on the body. Small, discreet tattoos of Olympic rings
(assuming one has participated in Olympic games) no larger than three
(3) cm. by three cm. shall be considered tasteful if AND ONLY IF
located out of sight while one wears regular kit.
56. If a rider's sponsors do not make quality parts, then the rider
shall buy better parts and superimpose his sponsor's stickers over
them (e.g. Quickstep's past rebranding of Time products as
Specialized).
57. No rider shall wear any shorts with any type of hole showing skin
below unless said hole and or opening was from a recent crash DURING
that training session and/or race. Wearing ripped shorts is allowed
ONLY while one is struggling to the finish and/or to the correct place
to wait for the team car to take one out of the race.
58. When cresting the summit of a climb the Euro Cyclist will sit up,
zip his jersey, and reach into his pocket for a snack while
simultaneously looking back to see who will be accompanying him on the
descent. Note that while coasting to allow another rider to catch up
(in order to work together on the way down) is allowed, coasting in
order to rest is FORBIDDEN.
59. The Euro Cyclist shall own a sizeable parrot and will ensure that
he is seen walking around photo shoots with it perched either upon his
casually outstretched index finger or upon his shoulder. Hair should
be slicked back for maximal effect. The parrot should either be white
or it should contain three (3) or more colors found within the World
cup stripes. One must always smile when pictured with the parrot. The
parrot should speak fluent Italian. In certain cases it is deemed
advisable that the Euro Cyclist possess, in place of a parrot, SEVERAL
young pumas.
60. The Euro Cyclist shall never ride deep carbon wheels with aluminum
braking surfaces, with the exceptions of Mavic wheels and the Ghibli
disc. Aluminum braking surfaces detract from the seamless transition
of black carbon to black tire that makes the Euro cyclist look so
devilish upon his race wheels. Deep carbon wheels shall have prominent
decals upon them UNLESS they originate from Carbonsports in Germany.
61. When the Euro Cyclist wins a race or a grand tour he shall
stylishly uncork the bottle of champagne and spray it around the
podium. If the rider is ravenous, slightly overweight and German he
shall place the opening of the champagne bottle close to his mouth and
drink (heavily) with puffed out cheeks and a smile. If the rider is
truly Euro he will take the ENTIRE bottle of champagne in his arms and
parade about the finish area with it. Champagne bottles must be
COMICALLY OVERSIZED. One should spray the podium girls. Especially if
they are dressed in white.
62. At the finish of a Grand Tour the Euro cyclist shall celebrate by
cycling around the finish area decked out in team kit and proper Euro
casual footwear. If married, the Euro cyclist shall have his child in
his arms. The toddler may rest upon his handlebars, or in the event
that the Euro cyclist achieves a podium spot, accompany the rider onto
the podium. The child should have its own victory salute that will be
used in conjunction with that of his/her father. In some cases the
child is permitted to wear an entirely-too-large team jersey. This
rule shall be upheld by ALL riders save for Mario Cipollini, who would
be unable to comply due to the sheer number of offspring he has
fathered courting supermodels over the past two decades
All in good fun...
But if you're gonna spend 8-10hrs per week riding a bike, you might as well look good, and look like you know what you're doing, while you're doing it
And, Julia, if you bought that Colgnago and put a bento box on it....just wrong!
@ John: thank god.
@ Rich: I bought the Fuji. And the Bento box is still on my tri bike.
Julia - First of all, my bias. I don't have a road bike. Well, OK, I have a bike that LOOKS roadish, but it's actually a commute/touring bike, with LOOOOONG chain stays, mountain bike brakes, and fenders. All with drop handlebars and Campy ergo levers/derailleurs, etc. So I generally ride my tri bike for everything except going to work and on multi-day group tours.
1. Doing a brick, after a solo ride? Tri shorts for sure is what I say. Riding with a group and want to "fit in"? Then hide out in the road gear.
[One of the neat things I've found about getting older is I can wear all sorts of weird stuff, and nobody gives me a second glance - I'm SUPPOSED to be clueless.]
2. Bento Box? I just did the "San Diego Gran Fondo" with 2500 roadies and about 13 TT bikes, and used the Bento box to hold my precious personal food items, just like always. Again - by yourself, you can get away with it; riding in a group, they'll all move away from you a bit.
3. Having done multiple long (6-10 hours) days and many multi-day tours, I've learned: you can't take it ALL with you. A sleek backpack, designed for skiing or trail running, just MIGHT be acceptable though to stash stuff and goodies. But trying to jam 4000+ calories for an all day outing into one is not possible. When you go long, you need a plan for calories, either a supported ride or the local bakery/7-11/Starbucks/whatever.
4. You CAN learn to race a tri in hills on a TT bike, using the aero bars a lot. Just like breathing on your right side - you have to want to do it, but in the end, it will be better.
5. My bro-in-law (who slaps aero bars on every new bike he gets) calls them "sissy bars". I used them on my "road bike" for my cross country trip - anything to add more arm positions to help with comfort. But they won't help you go faster at Wildflower. Only your tri bike will do.
@ Sue - I love the attitude!!
And totally relieved I am not alone. We do what we have to, given the conditions. You are already my hero for being out in the hills and wind and snow. I'm such a brat being here in so cal where I worry about whether or not I will need to reapply sunscreen mid ride.
@Al - this is an excellent point about riding in groups vs. alone. I will certainly keep that in mind - I might be able to get away with more if I am alone riding before the run rises and anyone can spot me.
But with groups I can see how the code would definitely come into play more. I would also like to get into the longer stuff (double centuries & multi-day rides), but I will work my way into it. Since I still love my tri bike so, I am sure we will continue to be very good friends. 
I love you guys!!!
Yes! it appears that there is a revolt of the tri geeks!!
My MO, for any ride of any length:
Tri bike rides, same setup, but I use a bento box as a tool bag cuz it's more aero
If I'm going crazy remote, solo, with no help, I'll bring:
For road bike riding, I'll wear bibs and jersey. For tri bike riding, it's tri shorts and jersey (sleeves/sleeveless depends on temps and humidity).
someone needs to write this sort of code for running.
i am sooooooo embarassed to be a triathlete when i show up to run with a running club and there are a bunch of tri gear wearing geeks!!!!
full tri kit, compression stockings, fuel belt (once someone even still had the number on it!!!), and carrying on, audibly enough for others to hear, about the two other workouts they did earlier in the day!!!!
i am extreme, since i even change at the car for brick sessions, so i am not running out there like a tri-geeeek!!!
gh
OMG. I am totally a running snob, but on the other end. If you are wearing anything resembing cotton anywhere on your body, I just can't be seen with you.
I didn't realize I was such a hypocrite!!
I used to do training runs in tri-shorts and tech t. I'm sure I was known around Monrovia as the clown in hot pants. Now I only run in actual running shorts and tech t. Split leg, pocket in the back for iPod, and today I listened to 2 x Freakanomics, 1 x Stuff Mom Didn't Tell You (learned about horders) and Stuff You Should Know (learned about house flies)
Seriously considering changing into running shorts in T2 at IMWI vs running in tri shorts.
Rich, I thought everyone carries in LA.
Nah, I only carry on EN rides, to "put down" athletes who drop off the back.........
Rich created a check your fit thread? Link?
My tri-geek get-up for running: swim suit (Jammer, not Speedo) instead of shorts, black tights with grey "compression highlights" if it's cold, mix and match bike top or jacket and tech T's from various half and full marathons, a Road ID on my ankle, and top it off with a color coordinated IM finisher's cap. If it's really cold I wear my thin XC ski gloves with neon index fingers. I think I've got all my sports covered.
And don't forget the Newton's.
I approve this setup. However without looking I know your socks are too short - just saying. Oh an those pink ones are totally unacceptable. Don't ever where those again - unless they are tall. Then it's ok.
Why are you wearing Joanne's socks?