IM CDA: Coming Back
Motel breakfast bar is not yet open, I fell asleep at 9:30 PM, so here I am with nothing to do but pop my blisters and jot this down.
This race was the hardest one I've ever down for both psychological and physical reasons. After winning my AG here 3 of the last 5 years, I've got a certain mindset about what I'm capable of. But after I ran into that truck nine months ago, that really changed the program for this race, which of course I had already signed up for. Two weeks in the ICU, losing 15 pounds, not eating solid food for months (tube feeding for six weeks), and left with residual swallowing issues and forearm/hand strength deficits, and continuing follow up surgeries for my broken jaw and 9 lost teeth - not only did that delay my return to training, but it also created some challenges in getting enough nutrition day to day while training and of course on race day.
My goal for this race had really from the start been all about finishing. At first, I thought I'd have to dog paddle, ride a tricycle, and walk the run, but once I got back into some semblance of regular training in March, I found I could swim, but a lot slower, and I could bike in the aero position (despite the 3 broken bones in my neck), and I could run just as fast as I used to. So I changed my goal to "test my fitness". Here's the report on that.
Swim: this was the coldest I've seen at IM CDA, and I've done all nine. My first lap was (I think) in 34-35 minutes, which is about on par for me. But I knew from my training swims that 45 minutes is when things start to go south. My little and ring fingers on my left hand start to flutter in the water from that muscle weakness and I was ready for that. And it became harder to deal with the water which always comes comes into my mouth (my larynx had been crushed, and doesn't work quite as well to protect the airway anymore). But I was ready for that, too.Then something new started happening, maybe due to the cold (as others reported it as well after the race) and maybe exacerbated by my forearm weakness: I started not being able to extend my fingers, and was basically swimming with "claw hands", kind of like a fist swimming drill, I coldn't get any grip on the water at all. So I think I finished in 1:22 (IM Live is down now, and I can't get my actual times), which was 2-4 minutes slower than I expected. Not bad, considering, I thought, but ...
I was COLD. I couldn't handle the strap on my wetsuit. I couldn't buckle my helmet. I couldn't put my arm warmer "wings" on (this was not a problem with dry clothes on wet skin, but no grip in my fingers.) I could pedal though, so off I went. Again, I have no times, and I haven't downloaded my Joule yet, so this is from my real-time assessment/memory of what was happening. The day was coolish at the start, but sunny, and light winds. The first 22 mile segment is a cruiser, and I did that in an IF of about .65, 1:08, prretty much as planned. Next 22 miles is the hills, and that went down in 1:23, 0.74, again as planned. Coming back into town, I started feeling the wind a bit, but (and now I've plugged my Joule in, so I've got better data), but I was still on target, with 13 miles in 39 minutes, IF 0.62 and VI of 1.04. The second set of intervals was 1:16, 0.60, 1.05; 1:34, 0.6, 1.15; 38:00, 0.63, 1.05.
I spent a lot of time on the fourth and fifth intervals getting special needs, relaxing in the porta-potti, and just generally feeling sorry for myself, knowing that I couldn't/shouldn't go any faster/harder. I thought I was setting myself up for the run fairly well, and thru the first 10-11 miles, that proved to be the case, I was turning over 9:15 to 9:30 miles, just what I always do and what I should be able to do based on recent training. My HR and sense of fatigue were doing just fine, I was not even breathing hard at all.I was on standard IM marathon cruise control. But somwhere in the "neighborhoods", it became obvious to me that my central governor was not going to allow me to keep going. The miles just hadn't been put into the bank yet for a full marathon - I'd done about 40-50% of the long run training I usually do, and for a shorter time leading up to the race. So I started doing what I thoght I'd left behind 6-7 years ago - walking.
It's damn boring, walking in an IM marathon, but I was not going to let it get me down. I've dropped out of two IMs before in the run, and I was not going to let that pickup truck I ran into make me do it again. So I did what I could, when I could, and made sure to keep my nutrition and fluids up, and just got home. As I was rounding into the downhill run on Sherman to the finish, I thought about what I should do for my finishing photo. I thought of my mother who, at age 86, in the ICU for 3 months after her second hip surgery and subsequent pnuemonia, finally getting her breathing tube out and able to talk. She'd already been thru a bunch of stuff before: heart surgery, cancer surgery leaving her with half a tongue, yet a practicing clinical psychologist into her 70's - her cardiologist called her a "tough old bird", and that was not the half of it. After she left the ICU, she had a "code" called on her, and the nurses and doctors were startled when she came back around after several minutes of "flat line". My sister and I talked with her after that, asking her if she wanted to have future codes called, and just what her goals were, She said, "I just want to go home." Not sure what she meant, I asked, "What do you mean, 'home'?", thinking maybe she wanted to give up, pack it in, and let it go. "Back home to La VIda", her retirement home on Solana Beach. OK, if that's whart she wants - we found her a great rehab hospital, and it took six months there, but she got back home for another 2-3 years, sometimes too weak to walk more than down the block, but sharp as a tack until the moment she died.
Figuring whatever was making me do this came from her, I decided to raise one finger to the sky, and finish with my hand over my heart, recognizing her contribution to this day.
Notice that I haven't changed my goals for the year down below; I've got 18 weeks to get ready for IM AZ, so I can put in a solid 12 week IM training block, instead of the 5-6 weeks for this one. I'll give it one more go, and then decide about IMs for the next two years. But nine in a row here is enough; if I do an early season one next year, it will be St George, but at the moment I think I'd rather have some fun at Wildflower instead.
Comments
Sounds like a victory to me. You must post the finishers photo for us to see!
Jeez, and after all of that, still had the energy to get up bright and early and put up your RR to boot.
Not sure you're aware of this since ironmanlive is down, but they did not get your chip time crossing the bike finish, and I know I'm not the only one here that was very nervous seeing you not finish the bike. When we eventually saw your first run split, we were all relieved to see you had finished the bike and starting on a good pace for the run.
One question, since you race against the a lot of same people here every year, did they know about your accident/injury and what did they say if anything?
It was also great seeing you in team colors and I'm looking forward to your performance at IMAZ.
Congratulations again Al!
We were all so happy to see you finish and now understand the salute.
So, until you get the official finisher's photos, here's a screenshot.
You are what IRONMAN is all about. Persevering no matter what. I have NO doubt IMAZ will be TONS better. Your body is now back in the swing of things now.
BTW....I learned the most about myself when I walked the entire marathon one year during in IM.
Tremendous report and race. A huge thanks on behalf of all of us there yesterday. Al was more than free with his wisdom and advice (including the double top secret beach start sighting landmark!). I got passed by an awful lot of foolks yesterday, but my hands down favorite was being passed by you coming out of T2. You couldn't hear it (because I was too ill to say it) but I say now what I said to myself then: way to go Al.
That is one honorable Ironman performance. You surely earned your medal yesterday.
Much Love,
Carrie
Way to push it Al. Great to meet you and see you in Arizona!
OMG, congrats and thanks Al!