What It Takes... December 2010
Hello ladies! This thread picks up where the Nov thread leaves off.... which was ladies getting ready for the holidays. Some taking time off from EN, others not. Many traveling... and enjoying visiting with friends and family.
I for one can't believe it's December. I joined EN in December last year - how quickly the time went by. I'm sorry it took me so long (at least 4 or 5 months) to find this thread. But I'm so glad I did and so grateful that you welcomed me with open arms!
My T'giving trip to WY with Dan was very nice. Very cold, but very nice. Got some nature walks in (can't really call them hikes after seeing Nemo's pics)... and managed to not freeze any extremities off. Slept a lot. Ate a lot. 
Drank a lot. Gave up caffeine... well, it's more fair to say I gave up coffee as I'm still indulging in hot cocoa! I'm now back onto a mostly clean eating routine and am getting back to the gym and doing whatever. Hopefully I can drop a few lbs before OS starts... I've lifted 2x... and man oh man am I weak (and sore). Taking spin classes... and am gonna do the elliptical tonight just because it's not running, biking, or swimming! I bought myself the WI spinerval and have done the first hour (of 3) of that... so if nothing else I can become virtually familiar with the course in the off season...
Shortly before heading to WY, I gave Coach Rich the green light (and sent a big fat check) and my quarq/joule is on it's way! I also just bought a new laptop computer (my desktop is about 6 years old and slow as molassas)... so once it arrives and I set it up (with faster internet), I'll download the webinar and all that stuff - to start learning the ropes. (let me apologize in advance for my many many questions). I'm excited but nervous as it's a lot to learn and understand... biking is already my least favorite leg of the race because so much can go wrong that I'm not in control of... now there will be so much information. I hope this will make me a better rider... and a more knowledgeable one. I still feel really clueless about so much... I just go out and do what I'm told (follow the training plan, the race execution plan)... I can do that no problem. I guess this will help me take myself to the next level!
I'm starting to think about my training and traveling next year! Only doing 3 tris (might pick up some spring runs) and have started talking to Beth and Michele M about a couple of trips to WI - one in July for camp. Possibly Memorial Day or for the HHH... fun!
As far as fun stuff goes, I've started holiday shopping - mostly online... and am probably half way done. I have ideas on a few of the folks that are left. But absolutely no idea about my parents. I hope something comes to me... Along with a few little things, I got a Zagat wine club membership for Dan (a gift I'll get to enjoy, too), and tickets to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford's Theater! My little bro is getting into tris and just bought a trainer, so I got him a few spinnervals to help him get ready for his first HIM (June) in the off season. I'm definitely looking forward to Christmas. Dan and I are heading to Portland to spend a night or two with my brother (Dan) then we'll all drive to Tacoma to see his twin, Dave, wife, and finally meet my new nephew, Vinko (Slovenian for Vincent)! My parents are flying in, too... so it will be an almost family reunion (older brother and his fam won't be there). Yay!
Ok... enough out of me. I hope everyone is doing well...
Comments
December??? Is it really December?
I'm sooooo not ready! Not ready for Christmas, not ready for cold weather, not ready for the Jan OS to start, just not ready!!!
This is a very busy time of year at work so I'll appologize ahead of time if I'm doing a bit more lurking and less posting for a little while. But I should be able to put things back in order come January.
Becky- your credit card bill must be busting at the seams! OUCH! I'm thinking about asking Santa for a Joule for Christmas/Birthday this year. It's not horribly pricey, but it is a luxury item for sure since I already have the PT and LYC. Besides, what I REALLY want for my Bday this year is a cross bike. I'd really like to get something used kinda cheap so I can play with the locals next fall. The number of races around here has been fairly small and it's hard to justify a new bike, but the cycle-cross racing does seem to be growing and it just looks like so much fun!!!
OK- gotta go!
LoL... I think I'm okay... I paid for the bike before I sent Rich the check for the power... and I took that out of my savings. when I was in private practice and made way more than I needed I saved, saved, saved (initally to pay off credit card debt, establish good credit, then buy the condo...after I got the condo I just continued to save for no reason other than retirement - I certainly didn't need what I made to get by and was never one to live extravagantly and I hate to shop). A few years ago my financial guy sat me down and we worked on my goals and I began to use the card/account tied to that liquid money for travel and race related stuff... which is not a pot I've dipped into very often in the 6 years it's been growing -- although the past 3 months it's gotten a lot of use! So, I'm amazed to say it's paid for and it didn't hurt too much. This is the same financial guy who's encouraging me to go into training if that's the biz I want to do... I have the capital to borrow against... he's known me a long time and knows what I want to do!
Christmas and a laptop... well, that was a bit over the top, but the computer was necessary... it helps that I intentionally saved all of my medical reimbursements til now... I just filled out the paper work to submit all the claims so I should be getting a decent chunk of change -- hopefully that check will come about the time my credit card bills for the holidays come in! Even though I already paid those bills it will be like free money! I saved them til the end of the year on purpose, to take the sting out of Christmas... and in light of all the unexpected expenses (bike, power, another IM)... I'm really glad I waited!
Good luck with work craziness, and holiday craziness! I wish work was crazy for me... I'm going batty here while my brain is rotting. Ugh. It's a far cry from private practice where I hardly had a spare minute to go to the bathroom... and worked nights, weekends, on vaca, when I was sick... I earned all the money I saved. And I'm so very glad I gave it up! (although I miss being busy, just not that busy).
OK...well, I've been lurking. I am descending into that black hole I seem to go into every winter. I can see it coming and don't seem to be able to stop it. Not sure what I can do so I'm fighting for air and making a resolution to not miss any further training!!!!! I'm hoping that will keep me out of the pit.
Inlaws came for Thanksgiving and it was such a nice weekend. Mother in law gave me one of her treasured rugs that she made last year. I so love it!!!! Southwestern with chilis and coyotes on it. So colorful, cheerful and so much work for her. Love that woman. She completely stepped in when my mom and dad died.
I'm with you Nemo, soooooo not ready for Christmas!!!! We are at home this year. I have to say, though, the youngest daughter's boyfriend was over last night and he and Shelby hung every light they could find that works. My house is COVERED inside and out with lights. Then they went and got a cut tree so the house would smell good. I love my artificial, it is pretty and a heck of a deal after Christmas last year but I love the smell of a real tree. We had venison chili (sorry Nemo
) and laughed a lot. Love my kids and their significant others. They all make me smile.
On a sad note, we had to put our old dog down last Friday. She was always pretty cranky and a little vicious. She had an episode that made us feel that at her advanced age and with some of her physical issues, it was time. Very sad. Our other dog has been a little depressed all week. He is finally, just this morning, starting to seem a little like his old self.
Y'all have a great weekend!!! I'm committed to hitting all my marks on training this weekend.
Sheryl - hugs. I'm sorry to hear about your dog. And I'm sorry to hear you have the blahs. I've been there... and it's hard... but you have your family and your friends... and you have us! You are loved! Hang in there. Have you thought about getting some help? (I hope I'm not out of line by asking)... I've been down that road. About a year and a half ago I started with meds - I was very, very, very resistant to drug therapy, but when all is said and done, they help me and they haven't effected my training/racing. I hope I don't have to take them forever, but for now I'm on them with no indication from my doc about weaning off... I'm not as anxious, I can sleep at night (my mind will actually shut off)... and I'm less irritable/sweat the small stuff less. That's not to say that I'm less of a type A+ OCD nut job... but I'm comfortable in my own skin and less restless and self destructive/critical....
so, I'm officially nuts. I ordered a new laptop Monday... hopefully will have it in the next 2 weeks (hasn't shipped yet). But my current internet is crazy slow... DSL... so I was shopping for cable (no FiOS in my area)... and all sorts of bundled deals are out there which then made me think about my Tivo, which has been acting up (6 years old) and my 8 year old flat screen, non-HDTV tv that weighs a ton and will be obsolete soon enough when more and more channels go to HD... so I decided that I should shop for a tv, too... they're so much cheaper now... and 8 years is a good amount of time to hold on to a tv, considering the changes in technology... so I started shopping... and found one I want that, is rated well, and I can get tax free with 0 interest for 18 months... aye yae yae. I'm gonna measure my space and current tv tonight (I know a BIG tv will fit in my entertainment unit, but my place is small and I can't move the couch any farther back)...long story short - I'll be ordering a new HDTV (lcd, not plasma) in the next day or so....
So, I went back to the comcast page and ordered the starter digital cable package (the cheapest one that I can get a HD-DVR with... and because I became a digital cable customer, I qualified for a high speed internet deal ($26/mo for 6 months, then 55). When all is said and done, my internet bill (after the introductory rate) will be 10 bucks more a month... and my cable bill will be 13 more a month (and I'll have more channels, HD, and a DVR that works... and the ability to tape 1 show and watch a different show)! So, I'm happy. I'm really happy that Best Buy has the 0 interest for 18 months... so this won't hurt as I can put money away over time and be able to pay for it at once!
If all goes well, I'll have the tv this weekend, the laptop sometime in the next 2 weeks, and the install appt is 12/16!
This is sooooo unlike me! I hate to shop (especially for clothes, ugh... remnants of being a fat kid). I hate to spend money on things I don't think I "need"... I hope to heck I'm done now. At least I have most of my christmas presents squared away - just the folks and a stocking stuffer to go!
We're currently waiting to see what the damage is going to be on Joe's car that is in the shop. It's old, been leaking oil, and we know the news won't be a cheap answer. The real question at this point is going to be if we fix it or buy another car for him. We hold on to cars until they start to become more expensive to maintain than a new car payment- so we'll see. Unfortunately the car we really need to replace is MINE! But the damn thing just wont die!
I'm with you Nemo....car is a device to get you from point A to point B with some degree of reliance at reasonable cost, so don't expect what I drive to define me as a person!
Sharing something on a facebook post today,
?"Temptations and occasions put nothing into a man, but only draw out what was in him before." John Owen
Love it. I walked home in one of the most beautiful snow falls!!! I had to push the bike because the snow was just too heavy and the plows aren't keeping up so the bike was not staying upright. Such a fun walk! Chester dog loved being out in it after I got home! Now if husband and daughter arrive home safely it will have been a very blessed day!
Becky, did the meds about a year out from cancer treatments and the replaced it with running and weight training. I feel I need to give good diet and better schedule a try over the next few weeks and see if things improve. If not, then I'm headed in. I did to the sleeping pills for a few weeks but felt so yukky the following day that I quit. Thanks for the support!
What is everyone doing this weekend?
I'm cleaning for my turn at girlfriend dinner. We will have a cookie exchange and I'm serving Broccoli Watercress soup, Tenderloin of beef with five peppercorns, Gratinee of Cauliflower, Curried Carrots, Luxemburg Salad, Dacquoise with Chocolate Ganache all with Purple Cowboy wine.....Praying everything turns out well in the food department but the discussion will be spirited and funny and we will all be celebrating with our dear friend on the great report that her daughter's lymphoma is still in remission!!! Wow...I think I'm getting the Christmas spirit! Wake me up!!! Wait....on second thought don't.
Beth, I love those plaid shoes on facebook. Love em!!! Y'all have a great weekend!
In the past 3 weeks, two of my friends have had their homes broken into!!! They live just a few blocks from each other, don't know one another, but have both called me and said their house was broken into! The first friend saw the guy out in her driveway, planning to come back into the house! This was on the first night she was to be alone, as her husband moved out. The other friend called me last night and said while she was at work, someone broke down her back door and stole her big screen t.v. and her jewelry box! How freaking scarey is that??
I'm trying to get done w/Christmas shopping, and get into the holiday spirit. I think I'll decorate my house today. That should 'up' the spirit factor, I hope!
I've been working out like a banshi, in this off, OS, prior to signing up for January OS. Trying to dump some pounds so I can be a lean, mean, Ironman Machine, as I plan to KILL IMLOU this year! No swim goggles on the bike this year!!!
Hope you all are doing well, healthy, and taking care of yourselves! I'll be back on here sooner, rather than later. Have a wonderful weekend all!!
Sheryl- sorry to hear about your dog
Do whatever it takes to not go down that Hole! take it from someone that has been down there. keep moving, think about IM texas and how you are going to kick it's butt! Put IM texas signs everywhere to keep you moving!!!! If you have to, get the meds, look into seasonal affective disorder and Light therapy http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/light-therapy/MY00195 Kind of sounds like it could be part of problem if it happens every winter.
Barb- scary stuff with break ins, hope they get the guy!
Becky- You are on a shopping spree! I am thinking about getting a flat screen tv, the LED, which one are you going with? My TV is from 1996ish, so I am due.( My Physical therapist laughed at me when i mentioned that) l I also want to get a riku(?) player to stream movies from Netflix or amazon- winds up being cheaper than getting an On Demand movie from comcast. Caution with Best Buy, read fine print. I think I ran into a problem with that interest free thing. i think you still have to make monthly payments, and if you have it all paid off in 18 months, there is no interest. IIRC i thought the same thing, didn't make payments then got a delinquency notice, and got he interest cause i did not pay on time. Deceiving, but read fine print!
I also spent some money at a Cabi party last night, not as bad as I have done in the past, but I like the clothes http://www.cabionline.com/Fall2010/index.asp. Also found out there is an outlet in Philly
Gotta scoot, happy weekend!
Becky, you should check your CC to make sure there is no hole in it!!
Sheryl, definitely my sympathies over the dog, I put a young dog down a few years ago, seriously broke my heart. Hang in there.
Nemo, loved the pics from your hiking. My dad has been down there (Asheville area, which is where I think you were) a few times hiking and has enjoyed himself.
Looking for some advice as I plan my season. Thinking of 3-4 1/2IM. Looking at Quassy, in early June, followed up with LP training camp for fun, as I enjoyed myself last year, just go for some training and with less stress of the race looming. Then joining the team at Timberman in August. I would really like to do at least 3 races which leaves a hole in July. I know Musselman in Geneva, but would prefer to stay closer to home. Or I could extend the season and consider Muskoka or Syracuse in September. That seems like a really long season and it might impact my ability to join Nov OS 2011, which I would like to stay in Nov as I have for 2 years now. Thoughts, suggestions?
Happy holidays ladies! 5 weeks till Goofy!
@ carly- what about Rhode island 70.3. I believe it is in early July, not far from Boston?
Five weeks to Disney! Hooray!
And beef tenderloin sounds awesome.
Hiyee! I've just been running. Running every day? Makes for melty shoes. Destroying footwear. Destroying.
Tracy- thanks I will look into RI, I had forgotten about that one.
Great run this AM, hoping maybe to PR at Disney....
I am new to EN, as my whopping 3 posts will tell you lol. Been lurking a little bit and decided that this is probably a good place to introduce myself as there are so few chicka athletes around (at least in my experience).
I too have been on a spending spree as of late. We moved into a new house about a month ago and I just got a 310xt as well as a Powertap from Wheelbuilder. And with Christmas right around the corner I fear it will continue for another month or so before it calms down.
As my recent purchase of a 310 and PM might elude, I am new to the Pace and Power concepts of EN but I'm also in grad school so I'm really looking forward to the lower amount of hours required for training.
In other news, it looks like a few of you will be at Disney in a few weeks. I am doing Goofy for the second time but will admit that I am not nearly as trained as I should be. Luckily for me I'm running the half with my little sister (so it will be similar to a training run) and the full with my boyfriend (who is hoping to finish his first marathon after having to drop out of MCM at mile 17.5 with a knee injury). In any event, it is always a fun even and I wish you all the best of luck with it!!
Have a great day!
Virginia
@Virginia -w elcome! glad to read I'm not the only crazy one buying myself presents this season! I also just got a 310xt -- my 305 died with about 2 weeks to go til IMFL... and I'm an HR athlete who needed a watch! Crazy! And my power is on the way (ordered it in Nov... the joule is becoming an issue - fed ex said they delivered it, but I don't have it), I hope soon so I can learn it in time for OS in Jan. What are you studying?
@Sheryl - that menu sounds wonderful! How was dinner?
@Nemo - sorry about Joe's car! Especially since you want ot replace yours. I did the same thing... when repairing my Honda got to be more expensive than it was worth I got a new car... now, the "new car" is paid off... and after 5.5 years only has about 30000 miles on it... I ride, run, swim... and take metro a lot more than I need a car!
@Tracy - thanks for the warning... don't worry, I did notice the fine print. I do have to make minimum payments (25 bucks or something) every month.
Oh, crazy story about the tv. So Dan and I went to pick it up (and I also dropped a few hundred more on a modem and wireless router for the new laptop)... and a salesclerk put it in his truck... I had the papers and went to check to be sure I got the right one... and Dan said he saw the number and it was fine (model 40c630). So, anyway, we get to my place and he takes the box out of the back and says "oh, I didn't know you were getting an LED, no wonder it was more expensive than I expected it would be." I didn't order an LED, I only did searches for LCD... didn't think much else about it. We get it upstairs and I open the box and Dan sees the model number. it's not a 630 but a 6300! They gave me the wrong tv. I did order an LCD and they gave me an LED. I get online and try to see what the deal is and read reviews about it (I knew what I had ordered was rated super well)... no ratings on cnet or consumer reports. Argh. But I see that this tv is, depending on sales, about 2-300 more than the one I ordered. All the while I get a confirmation email from best buy confirming that I picked up the 630. Crazy.
With the exception of my parents, I am done holiday shopping! I even wrapped all the presents I have already. I had a few things delivered to my brother in OR since I'm heading there (then we're driving to tacoma)... and a few things shipped to my sister in law in IL for my older brother (he's getting P90x and a pull up bar from me and my 2 little bros). So, done! I'm very, very afriad of my credit card bill, but I think I managed to do okay - well, except for shopping for myself... that laptop charge is gonna hurt. Thank goodness the bike and the quarq/joule are already paid for! Now, the credit cards will be locked away!
@ Tracy- nice clothes site. Perfect for browsing at work- I can always use new sites to check out!
@ Nemo- I feel your pain about the car. During IMOO camp this summer I started having car problems, barely made it home and found out that the transmission was done. The car is 10 years old and I've already replaced the transmission once. Deciding whether it's worthwhile to fix is not fun (especially since a new car is not in the cards for me just now- luckily I have awesome family and friends who let me borrow when necessary
@ Becky- I hope you start having better luck with all these shopping mishaps. The Joule, the tv...crazy!
@Virginia- Welcome!! Your right, there are several ENers going to Florida for various Goofy plans. Look for Kris, Beth, and Carly! I bet they will have their pink EN Chica Visors on!
@Becky- that's too weird about the TV. At leaste it seems the error ended up in your favor!
Kinda jealous of all you gals going to Disney for the Goofy Challenge! Wish I were able to join you!
Happy Monday!!! I took today off to try and get a handle on my house. It has been in terrible shape since summer. I have given it a lick and a promise every week but today I'm cleaning carpets, windows, cabinets, fridge and oven. I think this step will help me out of the black hole! Dinner tomorrow night so it was a good day to do it!!
Sounds like everyone is getting prepped for Christmas!!! Husband helped yesterday by just going out and ordering stuff on line and shipping it to family. Wow...nearly done and minimal work. I'm likin it.
Goofy run sounds so fun!!! and so warm!!! Have fun all!
Nemo, any decision on the car?
OK...back to hanging a picture, then oven. Take care all!
@Jennifer - Totally sucks to restart to OS, but will love to see you in the January OS. Maybe the Chicago OS peeps should start a weekly tradition of Sunday run + brunch.
I miss the pink visor! Looking forward to wearing it again for racing!
@Beth- We definitely have to get something together (especially when it includes French Macarons as dessert- or breakfast!)
@Sheryl- Sounds like your'e super busy with the house. At least you don't have to worry about too much Christmas shopping.
For those ladies doing Disney (and/or Goofy) and starting the January OS: Are people planning on pushing back OS start to allow for post-Disney recovery or are you all planning on jumping in the OS at around Week 3?
18 days left until Christmas!
@Jennifer - Let's make it so! Macaroons can be our fantastic carrots for getting out and getting the OS done!
@Virginia -- I'll probably sneak in an FTP test for the bike sometime before Disney, do workouts mostly as scheduled, use Disney as a VDOT test and then jump back into whatever is scheduled in OS land when I get back from vacation. This will involve a few days of ease/easy running/hanging with Mr. Mickey Mouse. (My OS warning: If you haven't picked up your bike in a while, throw out a few bike workouts (3x5s, 2x8s, etc. before that first test. Or, ouch.)
@Jennifer - yay, another chica in Jan OS! We're gonna have a blast!
@Virginia - I'm super green with envy! No word on when my quarq will ship... and wheelbuilder said they have to wait for Fed Ex to officially declare my joule "lost" before they'll send another... which for now is fine since i don't have the quarq. Right now I'm anxiously waiting for notice that the laptop has shipped (per the website, it was estimated to ship today)... because I'd like to download the webinar and start learning. My current computer is ancient with super slow internet... so trying to download that might kill me...
kind of a bummer yesterday, not the end of the world, but it made me sad. I got home to discover i was only wearing one earring... I fear that the earring may have fallen out putting on or taking off my earmuffs ... I know I had it in the morning at the office bc I felt for it, so it probably happened on the way home. I did take the muffs off on the train. I walked the internal stairway in my house just in case it fell out after I got home and took them off... no luck. This was a pair of earrings I bought for myself when I turned 30. Small white gold hoops with diamonds down the front - they were pretty much my every day office wear in private practice... looking back, they weren't super expensive. But they were an extravagant purchase for me at the time as I was diligently trying to pay off credit cards and save for a down payment to buy my condo. I had myself on a really strict budget and had these on layaway for several months until I could pay for them in cash! There is a very slim chance they could be in my office (I wore a turtle neck and, when I worked out over lunch I changed in my office)... but I'm at home today so I don't know... I don't think our cleaning folks vacuum every day... in fact, I wonder if they ever vacuum... so there's still a chance I find it... but I'm not optimistic. I still have the birthstone ring my mom bought me when I turned 13 (and I wear it every Feb)... and the ring she bought me when I turned 21... 30 seemed like a milestone so I bought myself something nice...
Becky- hope you find those earrings, that is a real bummer. Most things that are valuable to us don't actually cost much. Sounds like your earrings are that sort of thing.
It's COLD out here on OBX! Holy Cow, was NOT expecting to be sporting winter tights and a running jacket quite this early in the season. Brrrrrrrrrrr. Even the cats are not happy about it!
Hello
@Becky, So hope you find your earrings!!! I had a pair of gold hoops that my husband bought me for Christmas one year and he rarely buys me jewelry so I loved them. I lost one on a day that I had volunteered at the girls' school. When I went up there the following day, I just asked at the office thinking that no way would it be there and sure enough they had it. A little dented but my pair was back. So, if I can get mine back after 300 kindergartners and 1st graders tromp over it, for sure you will find yours!!
@Nemo, I feel you pain. Brrr. I bet it's even chillier feeling with the water nearby.
@Beth, I think I have told you before that you remind me of our oldest daughter, Kelsey. She is artistic and a free spirit, love love love her! Sometimes you have posts that make me smile because they remind me of her.
@Pam...cute.
Have a great rest of the week everyone!
computer is on the way! quarq is on the way! joule will be replaced (fed ex officially declared it lost)! :-)
now it's time to scour my office floor hoping to find my hoop earring... fingers crossed!
I started pre-OS yesterday. 3x5(5) at Z4 on the bike... I did about 45 min total... and was a sweaty mess! Will do the Z2 run tonight... I used to love Z2 runs... I'm afraid of this one... I haven't run that "fast" in a while! Argh!
So, I'm on a spending freeze for at least a month... when I get and hopefully pay off the credit cards. Especially bc I have a hair cut (with new streaks) this weekend... that'll set me back 200ish. Yuck! So, post-Christmas I'm gonna get bar stools for my kitchen table (it's high... so regular chairs won't work). and I'm gonna sign up to take a class to get certified as a spin instructor... step one down the path to my new career... I can't wait til I get my medical reimbursement check... I saved my whole year's worth of receipts so with any luck that will pay for my Christmas spending... and some of my laptop. Thank goodness I got 18mos interest free on the tv so that's something I don't have to worry about, which will help a ton)!
Except for the crazy cold, I still can't believe it's December and Christmas is in a few weeks. This year really flew by!
Now, on to my soap opera life... I'm still really torn about Dan. I put off thinking about that in Oct bc of IMFL... and I wanted to give us some time to get back to normal post-IM to see how things went. And I'm still not sure about anything. He's a wonderful person, very stable and responsible and handsome and smart. But, I have no idea what's going on in his head. He's not a talker... about much of anything, especially not his feelings. But, to be fair, I'm not really an emotional talker either. I talk, yes. About my feelings, no. But, I've been told (by boyfriends past) that I make up for it in my actions - namely my affection and attention to the little things. Dan isn't really particularly affectionate either. He might hold my hand walking down the street... sometimes... when he's not walking 5 paces ahead of me (and I'm not exactly a lolly-gagger walker)... But every so often he'll do something surprising... even if it's not big. Like this past weekend we went to see Harry Potter. He's not read any of the books and asked me a lot of questions. The last book is the only one I don't own and I told him I needed to reread it as it's been a while... the next day he had a wrapped gift for me as an early present... the book. When I don't think he's paying any attention he does something like that. It's been over a year now. We've never talked about the future (except to discuss potential vacation plans). The only time we ever even sort of discussed living together he said he couldn't get his head around having cats in his place (which is immaculate)... but that if he were to have kids he'd have to get used to disorder... We've never used the "L" word... granted I'm leary of that word myself... I want to talk to him but, I'm hesitant to because if he were to ask me how I felt I'm not sure what I'd say... so confused.
I'm a mess ladies. In a nutshell 2 tenets hold true: I am desperately afraid of being alone. I am more afraid of "settling" for the wrong man.
But, in the last 2 years, I've become more comfortable with myself...so number 1 is less an issue, but still an issue. My parents have been unhappily married for almost 42 years. I don't want to end up like them... like my mother, with the wrong man and miserable and depressed (she made my life very difficult by dumping on me at a very early age). That truly terrifies me.
Sorry, this ended up heavy and I ended up rambling... I've tried to talk to a few of my friends here about it...one I think can totally relate as her relathionship with her husband started off slow and they both had doubts along the way... but it's been hard to circle back with her lately as she's got 2 kiddos and one has been sick lately (scary, little Emily is just over a year old, but started having seizures this summer... and doctors can't figure out why)... and Peggy is still a newlywed and her relationship with Bob was, and still is, wine and roses...they pretty much knew 2 months in that they found their match... nothing like Dan and I.
I've got some thinking to do... I think I could spend the rest of my life with Dan. It works between us on a basic level. And I'd be safe and taken care of. We have a lot of things in common. But there's no spice. I've pretty much got no mojo as far as that goes. And that troubles me.
@Becky - I would say there are lots of men in the world who are just waiting to be kissed and for sparks and all sorts of that. Now, I am going to put on my Marianne hat and say marriage is for a long time. Can you imagine yourself burying pets with Dan? Tag-teaming with children and projects over McDonald's because your daughter has to double up on ballet classes this week AND has a major report on presidents due? Will he cheer for you in a pink speedo? Will he stand next to you during funerals?
Back to Beth voice - As a fairly reserved girl, I think spark sometimes has to be chased, searched out, and nurtured. Some places inspire spark -- like beautiful groves of trees on moonlit nights. Or roofs of skyscrapers. Or baths with candles and Auden. Or lying on the floor, drinking wine and listening to Coltrane. Think of it like turning up the screws a little on a group ride: go play and chase and have fun and maybe you'll find some part of you -- and your relationship that you didn't think was there. Totally work, as all relationships are. But the spark part should be the fun stuff. =-)
You seem to be aware of what you want to be (see statement of: I am desperately afraid of being alone. I am more afraid of "settling" for the wrong man.) Be confident in that! You can always remind yourself that you have values that you are holding on to when you have those inevitable days of "maybe I should settle."